OMG: - She wasn't empty she reared her head her hands in everything if magic is real There's no such thing as love OH MAN. that line is terrifying and amazing. what if it's truuuue? And that whole stanza - it reads like a sort of painful revelation, realizing that you're free to struggle for your life, to figure it out though you don't know! oh morgana. I can't not read this as Morgana. The next stanza with its you know how it works because you built it yourself along with the "father father" makes me think of King Uther the puppetmaster of politics, the guy whose word is law and so the law is him. creepy. I LOVE the phrase "earth confirmed". It has the BEST sound. And, firm earth. mmmm. he saw his own eyes / his heart, if not his father - OH ARTHUR *criesssss* the abstracts were their own lives - MORE CRIESSSSS agh abstracts!
I really like the texture and grammar of what you got out of this. It's so very smooth. And you cut out a lot, that's great, I wish I had cut out more. If I were to do it again I would print it out on the page and then go through with a pencil, rather than just reading it on the screen.
There’s so much trapped in buildings, in this city, in this country, - I love this stanza. and then having it end: everything is all right // or changed. breaks my heart. it's a little bit "change is the only constant" and it's a little bit revolutionary, a little bit destiny like if you don't like it just wait and it'll change, and a little bit like agency and reforming the world to your ideals.
to become something that she earned she broke halfway between spitting and tears - this is beautiful and scary. she is halfway between spitting and tears in the whole story, between rebellion and embracing - it's exactly her tragedy. Ending this section with there is no invitation / but come anyway is perfect. she is limited by invitations - and like the revelation in the beginning she's breaking free.
I'm not sure how you intended this but I'm reading this as alternating Morgana and Arthur. the politics are rising out clearly in the stanza that ends he's only the son, only the father and / just the nation, enough to serve and protect. Those lines are a beautiful combination of the whole picture into one figure - the son, the father, the nation. wonderful. I can see how this is an unfurling discovering process.
keep above the tide More is not the solution less is not the solution she's been part of the revolution long enough to change <33333333 the SOUNDS of this! the rhythm! and the last two lines, oh my god <33333
a discarded summer, pale, mentioned in the place of love; HOW BEAUTIFUL. Also I absolutely love what you did with the original here: and she thinks they might be the only people left who clamber down ravines to forget about the rain - mmm so concrete, so much real living. it is about so much more than laughter.
COOL: They are looking for satellites / for all the wrong reasons. - as though by saying it he is coming to himself / to everything
the world blinds him with all he remembers - THIS. ohhhh lass! <333 and :a late afternoon a rhythmic motion their bodies reaching, burst. - I see what you did there *waggles eyebrows*. (Somehow after I read A Humument erasures became about finding sex in texts. uhhh lol, sort of like fanfic then right?)
The last few stanzas, from "at night the signals vanish" to the very end (THAT LAST LINE, so perfect!), is just everything gorgeous and urban revolutionary and just perfect. I have no words.
girl this is super amazing and so smooth and beautiful! I really love it. I really do. It makes me intimidated to go back to that fic and work it up some like I'd been contemplating, haha.
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- She wasn't empty
she reared her head
her hands in everything
if magic is real There's no such thing as love
OH MAN. that line is terrifying and amazing. what if it's truuuue? And that whole stanza - it reads like a sort of painful revelation, realizing that you're free to struggle for your life, to figure it out though you don't know! oh morgana. I can't not read this as Morgana.
The next stanza with its you know how it works because you built it yourself along with the "father father" makes me think of King Uther the puppetmaster of politics, the guy whose word is law and so the law is him. creepy.
I LOVE the phrase "earth confirmed". It has the BEST sound. And, firm earth. mmmm.
he saw his own eyes / his heart, if not his father - OH ARTHUR *criesssss*
the abstracts were their own lives - MORE CRIESSSSS agh abstracts!
I really like the texture and grammar of what you got out of this. It's so very smooth. And you cut out a lot, that's great, I wish I had cut out more. If I were to do it again I would print it out on the page and then go through with a pencil, rather than just reading it on the screen.
There’s so much
trapped in buildings, in this city, in this country, - I love this stanza. and then having it end: everything is all right // or changed. breaks my heart. it's a little bit "change is the only constant" and it's a little bit revolutionary, a little bit destiny like if you don't like it just wait and it'll change, and a little bit like agency and reforming the world to your ideals.
to become something that she earned
she broke halfway between spitting and tears - this is beautiful and scary. she is halfway between spitting and tears in the whole story, between rebellion and embracing - it's exactly her tragedy. Ending this section with there is no invitation / but come anyway is perfect. she is limited by invitations - and like the revelation in the beginning she's breaking free.
I'm not sure how you intended this but I'm reading this as alternating Morgana and Arthur. the politics are rising out clearly in the stanza that ends he's only the son, only the father and / just the nation, enough to serve and protect. Those lines are a beautiful combination of the whole picture into one figure - the son, the father, the nation. wonderful. I can see how this is an unfurling discovering process.
keep above the tide
More is not the solution
less is not the solution
she's been part of the revolution
long enough to change <33333333 the SOUNDS of this! the rhythm! and the last two lines, oh my god <33333
a discarded summer, pale, mentioned in the place of love; HOW BEAUTIFUL. Also I absolutely love what you did with the original here: and she thinks they might be the only people left who clamber down ravines
to forget about the rain - mmm so concrete, so much real living. it is about so much more than laughter.
COOL: They are looking for satellites / for all the wrong reasons.
- as though by saying it he is coming to himself / to everything
the world blinds him with all he remembers - THIS. ohhhh lass! <333
and :a late afternoon
a rhythmic motion
their bodies reaching, burst. - I see what you did there *waggles eyebrows*. (Somehow after I read A Humument erasures became about finding sex in texts. uhhh lol, sort of like fanfic then right?)
The last few stanzas, from "at night the signals vanish" to the very end (THAT LAST LINE, so perfect!), is just everything gorgeous and urban revolutionary and just perfect. I have no words.
girl this is super amazing and so smooth and beautiful! I really love it. I really do. It makes me intimidated to go back to that fic and work it up some like I'd been contemplating, haha.