ext_3356 ([identity profile] gabby-silang.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] whynot 2010-06-09 09:45 pm (UTC)

PREPARE FOR OVERSHARE

Right, so, I was gonna read this when you rec'd it last night, but then I fell dead asleep like a loser. So now it's on the docket for tonight because <33333333333333 EVERYTHING YOU SAID.

A note, though, on You don't have to go home to be happy, to be whole and the rest. I'd venture, I'm hoping, that isn't where Castiel's story is going. That it will not at all be an easy or welcoming or fulfilling homecoming.

And now here is the overshare from this transcultural kid. Briefly: my mother & siblings immigrated to the US as adults, my dad's from an old Mississippi family. So, I was born in the States, and we all started moving around and being expats when I was around age 8. When I was about 17, we came back and I finished high school in the US, went to college (mainly) in the US, still live there now. No part of being in the US is comfortable for me. I'm not quite an immigrant, I suppose I can't be an ex-pat if I'm in my passport-holding country, and yet. It's weird. I'm weird. It feels weird. It's not home.

All of this is to say, no, you can't go home. You change, home changes, you learn how to work with it. That's my hope for Cas, going forward. Finding a way to be okay with being neither here nor there.

...I think I just said I want Cas to be sad. I DO NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I want him to find the power in it, you know? I want him to look both heaven and earth straight in the eyes and not flinch at whatever part of himself he sees reflected.

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