No I don't expect it will be! I wonder if that's what he's expecting though. Maybe he'd know how to be sheriff/revolutionary in the home he remembers, but now both him AND his home are steeped in anarchy. But maybe it's easier on the heart that both of them have changed, instead of just one of them. Maybe there will be less of a sense that one has been left behind. Either way, I needed guerrilla!Cas vs. dictator!Raphael fic (maybe with eventual dictator!Cas?!) like yesterday.
I want him to look both heaven and earth straight in the eyes and not flinch at whatever part of himself he sees reflected. THIS. Exactly. The ability to call a spade a spade and stop trying to figure out whether this limbo is a blessing or a curse. I don't know where I would call 'home'. Where my immediately family is? Or what my passport says? Both feel like oversimplification. It's not a specific enough question. Flying back and forth across the Pacific for summers and Christmas, I used to joke that no matter which direction I'm flying, I'm always going home. It wasn't really a joke. The homes thing is kind of like the names thing. Through roundabout circumstances, I have more than my fair share of both, and consequentially am not overly attached to any one above others, except for practical uses like "this name is easiest to pronounce" and "this home would enable free shipping". I hate questions on official forms that are like, "Are you a resident of ___?" Do they mean am I staying here long-term, or where do I pay taxes? Questions like, "What is your mother tongue?" Do they mean what is the first language I ever learned, or what is the language I know best?
It's like, identity is not an end result. You break it for parts and use them as tools.
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I want him to look both heaven and earth straight in the eyes and not flinch at whatever part of himself he sees reflected.
THIS. Exactly. The ability to call a spade a spade and stop trying to figure out whether this limbo is a blessing or a curse. I don't know where I would call 'home'. Where my immediately family is? Or what my passport says? Both feel like oversimplification. It's not a specific enough question. Flying back and forth across the Pacific for summers and Christmas, I used to joke that no matter which direction I'm flying, I'm always going home. It wasn't really a joke. The homes thing is kind of like the names thing. Through roundabout circumstances, I have more than my fair share of both, and consequentially am not overly attached to any one above others, except for practical uses like "this name is easiest to pronounce" and "this home would enable free shipping". I hate questions on official forms that are like, "Are you a resident of ___?" Do they mean am I staying here long-term, or where do I pay taxes? Questions like, "What is your mother tongue?" Do they mean what is the first language I ever learned, or what is the language I know best?
It's like, identity is not an end result. You break it for parts and use them as tools.