I don't normally begin feedback by pointing out an editing error, but I want to call it to your attention and then move on to discussing what I really enjoyed about this fic, which is quite a lot:
Viggo traced Elijah’s cheekbone with his thumb as if wiping away a tear, though there were none. He stepped back onto the pavement and his fingers lingered on Elijah’s lips as if promising a kiss, but there was none this either.
I assume you meant to say "none of this either", but it would be more proper to say "but there was none of that either."
Anyway, the fic-- a very nice premise, this strange inertia Elijah is in, and you convey the mood very well indeed. The words are oddly static, and we feel the tension shimmering just underneath the surface, fault lines that shift and change with every moment. I love the complicated interweaving of Elijah's relationships with Viggo and with Dom, the blurred lines of friendship that keep getting harder to read.
I love how things aren't easy-- the first kiss, Viggo's surprised, it's awkward, it doesn't work; much later, seeing him again, it isn't hearts and flowers, it's a bad haircut and too much silence. But every now and then things align, and then it's wonderful, like this:
The mental image was this: Viggo’s arms around him, wind-chilled hands pressed against Elijah’s back, and Viggo’s lips just a breath away from his own. If there was one thing that Elijah liked more than kissing Viggo, it was the second before kissing Viggo, when their shadows would fall across each other’s faces and the only things in the universe were the spark in Viggo’s sea-blue eyes and the silhouette of his lips.
That is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you. I love Viggo/Elijah, and the good stuff is hard to find. And the last line is perfect.
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Viggo traced Elijah’s cheekbone with his thumb as if wiping away a tear, though there were none. He stepped back onto the pavement and his fingers lingered on Elijah’s lips as if promising a kiss, but there was none this either.
I assume you meant to say "none of this either", but it would be more proper to say "but there was none of that either."
Anyway, the fic-- a very nice premise, this strange inertia Elijah is in, and you convey the mood very well indeed. The words are oddly static, and we feel the tension shimmering just underneath the surface, fault lines that shift and change with every moment. I love the complicated interweaving of Elijah's relationships with Viggo and with Dom, the blurred lines of friendship that keep getting harder to read.
I love how things aren't easy-- the first kiss, Viggo's surprised, it's awkward, it doesn't work; much later, seeing him again, it isn't hearts and flowers, it's a bad haircut and too much silence. But every now and then things align, and then it's wonderful, like this:
The mental image was this: Viggo’s arms around him, wind-chilled hands pressed against Elijah’s back, and Viggo’s lips just a breath away from his own. If there was one thing that Elijah liked more than kissing Viggo, it was the second before kissing Viggo, when their shadows would fall across each other’s faces and the only things in the universe were the spark in Viggo’s sea-blue eyes and the silhouette of his lips.
That is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you. I love Viggo/Elijah, and the good stuff is hard to find. And the last line is perfect.