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[...easier to hold...]
About the movie Murder By Numbers, CM has this to say: "murder by numbers is the slashiest movie ever. well, maybe with the exception of fight club, but minus the whole desperately wanting to fuck yourself bit."
Duly noted.
Title: King of Hearts
Author: Lassiter
Fandom: Murder By Numbers
Pairing: Richard Haywood/Justin Pendleton
Rating: PG13
Summary: Leading by the hand.
-
King of Hearts
Justin thought that maybe it hurt only because it wasn't true.
"I'm the only one who really cares for you," said Richard, into his cellphone, across the front lawn, to Justin himself. From that distance, Justin couldn't see the expression on Richard's face, which was fine. "I'm the only one who really cares for you," said Richard in a voice too proud to fake total sincerity, and what Justin was thinking was, you don't care for me at all.
When it really came down to it, Justin wasn’t sure who started it. He could remember the metamorphosis of their relationship, from bully and victim, to grudging respect, to tentative tolerance, and perhaps they did eventually become friends. Sometimes he was sure they were friends, and other times not. Perhaps they bypassed friends altogether and went straight to what they were today, whatever that was. And about the birth of this crime thing, this freedom issue, this murder idea… well. What he could remember of that was Richard’s smile, which had always struck Justin as a dangerous kind of smile. He remembered the conversations that skirted around the subject, how Richard’s taunts and goads became increasingly vehement and pushed Justin into a corner until Justin found himself detailing the plan out loud. Their own vague ideas of freedom and romantic ruthlessness finally crystallized in words.
Richard smiled that smile of his. Justin didn’t know whether he came up with this idea by himself or whether Richard had manipulated him towards it.
How Richard did it, and why he did, was something Justin didn’t think about, because he didn’t like to think of himself as something that could be preyed upon.
Led by the hand.
Pulled by the collar.
Kissed by the light of a dying sun. They had been at the bluff, in the threshold of the balcony. Justin wondered how they looked from inside the room. The shape of their silhouettes and whether they looked like one merged entity or two mismatching jigsaw pieces trying to fit.
They were talking, but that was not the important part. They were always talking. The important part was what happened when they talked.
Whatever Justin said, no matter how he said it, was a house of cards. Richard knocked it over with a word, a raised eyebrow, an unrelated jibe. It was a game: Richard held as many hearts as he could in his hand and when there was too many, he crushed them into smaller pieces so they'd be easier to hold.
This whole death thing, this crime and freedom issue, this murder idea. Neither of them would confess to being the prime initiator. Their road to hell was not paved with good intentions after all.
Justin looked into Richard's eyes because that was the last place he wanted to look.
"Blink, Justin, it's not a crime."
So Justin blinked and, tired of the condescension on Richard’s face, mumbled an excuse and turned to leave. Richard's hand closed around his wrist. Richard wasn't even looking at Justin anymore, and had his gaze fixed on the horizon. Justin didn't move back. Richard didn't let go.
"Come on," said Richard, tugging him closer.
"What."
Richard didn't say anything. Just faced Justin and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, letting his hand linger. This wasn't new. This touching. This was Man since the dawn of Mankind, asserting himself over what he deemed was his property. Richard was no Midas. Nothing he touched turned to gold. Richard’s power was greater than that. Whatever Richard touched became Richard's.
The atmosphere changed, as it does during the build-up of a kiss. Either it goes heavy or it’s stretched tight. Once again Richard was smiling, and once again Justin was looking into his eyes because he didn't have the guts to look anywhere else. Justin thought that narcissists have the deepest eyes.
He told himself, 'Just another control tactic.' He told himself, 'A new level of the game.'
Richard leaned forward.
Richard leaned forward and hovered, two centimetres away. Someone somewhere had pressed the pause button. Richard's tongue flashed between his lips, as if tasting the air, testing the circumstances. Justin swallowed, which made Richard chuckle: a flash of white teeth, a cracked and husky sound.
The world passed by in calculated slow motion. Richard was controlling time.
Justin could feel Richard's exhalations on his mouth. Richard's lips slightly parted like an invitation, a promise, an inside joke, and in Justin's head, it was already happening. In Justin's head, Richard had already pressed their lips together: warm, soft, and gently pleading. Justin could already feel him tasting his lips and teasing them open with his tongue.
Back in real life, in real time, their noses touched. Their foreheads touched. Richard turned his face slightly to the left so that he was kissing the corner of Justin's mouth. It wasn't a kiss, but that kind of pseudo-kiss that happens when hugs become too intimate and the other person ends up resting their face on yours.
Richard brushed his lips against Justin's cheek. Along his jawline. Maybe that was Richard's tongue darting out to taste, once or twice, lightly, quickly. His lips never quite left Justin's skin. There was only the barest hint of suction, and there was a knot in Justin's stomach for every feather touch.
Justin tilted his head to the side, barely, just slightly. A controlled, distilled movement. A supplication.
Richard acceded.
Justin imagined that their silhouette looked like Siamese twins, joined at the mouth.
And Richard said, "There you are. I was beginning to feel like a necrophiliac."
Richard tasted like cigarettes, bitter and smoky. For a moment Justin thought maybe he should ask himself why he let Richard do this to him. Then Richard closed his eyes and his fingers alighted softly on Justin's neck, and Justin quickly discarded the thought.
[end.]
Duly noted.
Title: King of Hearts
Author: Lassiter
Fandom: Murder By Numbers
Pairing: Richard Haywood/Justin Pendleton
Rating: PG13
Summary: Leading by the hand.
King of Hearts
Justin thought that maybe it hurt only because it wasn't true.
"I'm the only one who really cares for you," said Richard, into his cellphone, across the front lawn, to Justin himself. From that distance, Justin couldn't see the expression on Richard's face, which was fine. "I'm the only one who really cares for you," said Richard in a voice too proud to fake total sincerity, and what Justin was thinking was, you don't care for me at all.
When it really came down to it, Justin wasn’t sure who started it. He could remember the metamorphosis of their relationship, from bully and victim, to grudging respect, to tentative tolerance, and perhaps they did eventually become friends. Sometimes he was sure they were friends, and other times not. Perhaps they bypassed friends altogether and went straight to what they were today, whatever that was. And about the birth of this crime thing, this freedom issue, this murder idea… well. What he could remember of that was Richard’s smile, which had always struck Justin as a dangerous kind of smile. He remembered the conversations that skirted around the subject, how Richard’s taunts and goads became increasingly vehement and pushed Justin into a corner until Justin found himself detailing the plan out loud. Their own vague ideas of freedom and romantic ruthlessness finally crystallized in words.
Richard smiled that smile of his. Justin didn’t know whether he came up with this idea by himself or whether Richard had manipulated him towards it.
How Richard did it, and why he did, was something Justin didn’t think about, because he didn’t like to think of himself as something that could be preyed upon.
Led by the hand.
Pulled by the collar.
Kissed by the light of a dying sun. They had been at the bluff, in the threshold of the balcony. Justin wondered how they looked from inside the room. The shape of their silhouettes and whether they looked like one merged entity or two mismatching jigsaw pieces trying to fit.
They were talking, but that was not the important part. They were always talking. The important part was what happened when they talked.
Whatever Justin said, no matter how he said it, was a house of cards. Richard knocked it over with a word, a raised eyebrow, an unrelated jibe. It was a game: Richard held as many hearts as he could in his hand and when there was too many, he crushed them into smaller pieces so they'd be easier to hold.
This whole death thing, this crime and freedom issue, this murder idea. Neither of them would confess to being the prime initiator. Their road to hell was not paved with good intentions after all.
Justin looked into Richard's eyes because that was the last place he wanted to look.
"Blink, Justin, it's not a crime."
So Justin blinked and, tired of the condescension on Richard’s face, mumbled an excuse and turned to leave. Richard's hand closed around his wrist. Richard wasn't even looking at Justin anymore, and had his gaze fixed on the horizon. Justin didn't move back. Richard didn't let go.
"Come on," said Richard, tugging him closer.
"What."
Richard didn't say anything. Just faced Justin and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, letting his hand linger. This wasn't new. This touching. This was Man since the dawn of Mankind, asserting himself over what he deemed was his property. Richard was no Midas. Nothing he touched turned to gold. Richard’s power was greater than that. Whatever Richard touched became Richard's.
The atmosphere changed, as it does during the build-up of a kiss. Either it goes heavy or it’s stretched tight. Once again Richard was smiling, and once again Justin was looking into his eyes because he didn't have the guts to look anywhere else. Justin thought that narcissists have the deepest eyes.
He told himself, 'Just another control tactic.' He told himself, 'A new level of the game.'
Richard leaned forward.
Richard leaned forward and hovered, two centimetres away. Someone somewhere had pressed the pause button. Richard's tongue flashed between his lips, as if tasting the air, testing the circumstances. Justin swallowed, which made Richard chuckle: a flash of white teeth, a cracked and husky sound.
The world passed by in calculated slow motion. Richard was controlling time.
Justin could feel Richard's exhalations on his mouth. Richard's lips slightly parted like an invitation, a promise, an inside joke, and in Justin's head, it was already happening. In Justin's head, Richard had already pressed their lips together: warm, soft, and gently pleading. Justin could already feel him tasting his lips and teasing them open with his tongue.
Back in real life, in real time, their noses touched. Their foreheads touched. Richard turned his face slightly to the left so that he was kissing the corner of Justin's mouth. It wasn't a kiss, but that kind of pseudo-kiss that happens when hugs become too intimate and the other person ends up resting their face on yours.
Richard brushed his lips against Justin's cheek. Along his jawline. Maybe that was Richard's tongue darting out to taste, once or twice, lightly, quickly. His lips never quite left Justin's skin. There was only the barest hint of suction, and there was a knot in Justin's stomach for every feather touch.
Justin tilted his head to the side, barely, just slightly. A controlled, distilled movement. A supplication.
Richard acceded.
Justin imagined that their silhouette looked like Siamese twins, joined at the mouth.
And Richard said, "There you are. I was beginning to feel like a necrophiliac."
Richard tasted like cigarettes, bitter and smoky. For a moment Justin thought maybe he should ask himself why he let Richard do this to him. Then Richard closed his eyes and his fingers alighted softly on Justin's neck, and Justin quickly discarded the thought.
[end.]
Erm..........
It was an instinctive reaction on my part and now I'm struggling to find words to describe it properly.
Hmmm.
Reading the fic again, a lot of my reaction is to do with the kissing scene. It's quite drawn-out compared to similar scenes in your other fics that I've read (hereafter referred to as YOFTIR).
I mean, it's brilliant what with the concept of Richard controlling time and a knot in Justin's stomach for every touch etc........
*struggles towards coherence*
.....YOFTIR have a feeling of pulsing brevity to them - a tightly bound package of emotion/action. This fic - and the kiss in particular - somehow seems to be a melancholy meander, the language verges on langourous, the action unfolds in tiny increments (breath, nose, forehead, cheek, jawline and then mouth).
YOFTIR also have an authoritative feel to them - you take canon and make it fanon and that's just the way it is. YOFTIR (and I'm thinking a lot of your Fight Club fics here, with splashes of HP, X-Men, Gossip and From Dusk...) are very yours, spinning the characters out beyond their canon confines, fleshing them out, letting them breathe. But the characters are still themselves, only more so. This fic seems very canon-based by comparison (even though the kiss isn't canon), dwelling as it does on canon-matter/events ie. their motivation for the crime and the nature of their relationship; not arcing away from canon-specific events to re-join them later or setting the fic post-canon.
Plus: in some indefinable way, I feel this fic is a rung on the ladder to your best stuff. I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to the terminology of literary criticism; all I can say is there are moments here and there in this fic where I feel - if you were writing it now - your writing would be a teeny tiny bit smoother.
Does any of that make sense?
*sigh*
I've just spent a ridiculous amount of time paddling around in fandom wankery which I hate but I got sucked in and now my brain is mush.
Y'know - when you go all navel-gazey introspective, thinking about fandoms and fannishness as actual entities, societal structures...
peopled by some very strange and stupid types at times, it has to be said
...and then you surface and it's like "Gah! I could've spent that time writing my own damn fic and hatching a marvellous new icon like I've been promising myself since forever!"
Gah!
Gah gah gah!
Hope I've made some sense for you and that this isn't just a big bunch of crazy...................hey, it can't be all bad - I created an acronym...............
no subject
It rather is. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that this (and some of my other fics) are meditations on the nature of the relationship between Dude A and Dude B. MBN thrilled me with the implicit slashiness like SQUEE, so I was more fascinated by the character dynamics than usual. I love how the Justin/Richard relationship is one of kindred spirits and manipulation. Fascinated as I was, I did write this fic as being more drawn-out and expository than my recent fare, because I wanted to explore Richard and Justin's deliciously twisted relationship. Y'know, feel it out. And you know how they say that the best way to understand something is to explain it to others.
there are moments here and there in this fic where I feel - if you were writing it now - your writing would be a teeny tiny bit smoother.
;). Always striving towards self-improvement, miss, no matter what Tyler Durden says.
...and then you surface and it's like "Gah!
It's such an odd moment sometimes, that surfacing. Like, blinking at the sunlight and going "What the fuck?", then having the inexplicable urge to go shopping (or whatever), wondering all "Sliding Doors"-like how life would be if you've never discovered fanfiction.
Also, one of the coolest pieces of feedback I've ever received, this. <3
no subject
I wanted to explore Richard and Justin's deliciously twisted relationship. Y'know, feel it out. And you know how they say that the best way to understand something is to explain it to others.
Absolutely. On da button.
Re: surfacing - Am happy to report am beavering away on photobucket, getting ready to slap my new
corpseicon on the slab and fill it up with lightning.....Yee-hah!