Bloodthirsty hunter = Valiant? OMG YES. He talks to dinosawrs, it's perfect. Morgana can eat him, and not share with Arthur because Arthur is fat enough as it is. But if Will is Sam Jackson, how can he be Merlin's semi-platonic bff who makes Arthur with their easy friendship but whom he would never consider eating because Merlin is clearly a girl and it would make him cry, totally disregarding the fact that Merlin and Morgana are senselessfucking at every opportunity they get and some they don't? (I am just running through fandom cliches here, my god) WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT, LASSITER? THESE ARE DINOS. I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT THEM SENSELESSFUCKING. So nono, Will is obviously one of the spitty dinosaurs, and Morgana and Merlin are running around all crazy agitating for a revolt, like "We must eradicate this invasive non-native species" and Morgana is saying "while perhaps assimilating some of their more intelligent ideas (viz., senselessfucking members of the same or opposite gender against walls and other conveniently placed standing-up things) and also maybe we could keep that girl doctor, she is pretty hot and smart and things." But WIll will not join because he has been doing some research, and his progenitor died in Dubious Battle with other dinos, and he is fond of the stability that human rule offers. But eventually he gives in because he lurves Merlin and TRAGICALLY DIES as a result of the VAST AMOUNTS of cholesterol ingested when eating that dude, and Merlin weeps at his deathbed. And Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm are TOTALLY DOING IT. And afterwards, they're like LULZ, ADRENALINE, LET'S GO FIND THAT HOTASS DR. SATTLER AND NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN, while Gwen and Morgana snicker outside, not eating them because that would ruin the fun. And after that Morgana describes everything to Merlin in excrutiating detail until he is crying with despair, and she's like, sort of dismissively, WHATEVER EVOLUTION. Which of course makes Merlin run around in circles because NOT THE E-WORD, UTHER WILL HEAR. And then she sits on his face. Um. WHICH CAUSES A WHOLE SLEW OF OTHER PROBLEMS, I IMAGINE, BECAUSE DINOSAURS ARE COLD-BLOODED SO THERE COULD BE OVERHEATING OR SOMETHING? AND ALSO, YOU KNOW, TEETH. And then at the end, Arthur is finally like, "you know, I heard one of those guys say that, like, life will find a way" to which Merlin is like "orly" not really getting it, so Arthur has to spell it out for him: "so do you, you know, do you wanna...?" and then Merlin gets it and is like "Didn't you eat them?" and Arthur who has envisioned this difficulty has to explain that he didn't eat that one, and Merlin is trying not to envision anything at all except maybe the tasty tasty humans that Morgana is eating without him - the revolution was a great idea and all, but now he'll never be able to eat people again - so he's like "Won't this present some problems? Logistically? And also, you know, not create any life" and Arthur is like "Whatever, evolution" and since Arthur mentioned evolution, it has to be okay, so Merlin is like "Yeah, okay, all right" and then there is some more dino sex that I won't think about. THE REAL QUESTION IS: WHO IS GAIUS? Is he Sam Jackson? Or that apatosaurus that everyone calls a cow and then sneezes on that girl? Or is he Merlin's raptor mentor of ambiguous morality who was the first to evolve and who caused Merlin to develop a questionable code of ethics himself? OUR READERSHIP DEMANDS TO KNOW.
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But if Will is Sam Jackson, how can he be Merlin's semi-platonic bff who makes Arthur with their easy friendship but whom he would never consider eating because Merlin is clearly a girl and it would make him cry, totally disregarding the fact that Merlin and Morgana are senselessfucking at every opportunity they get and some they don't? (I am just running through fandom cliches here, my god) WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT, LASSITER? THESE ARE DINOS. I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT THEM SENSELESSFUCKING.
So nono, Will is obviously one of the spitty dinosaurs, and Morgana and Merlin are running around all crazy agitating for a revolt, like "We must eradicate this invasive non-native species" and Morgana is saying "while perhaps assimilating some of their more intelligent ideas (viz., senselessfucking members of the same or opposite gender against walls and other conveniently placed standing-up things) and also maybe we could keep that girl doctor, she is pretty hot and smart and things." But WIll will not join because he has been doing some research, and his progenitor died in Dubious Battle with other dinos, and he is fond of the stability that human rule offers. But eventually he gives in because he lurves Merlin and TRAGICALLY DIES as a result of the VAST AMOUNTS of cholesterol ingested when eating that dude, and Merlin weeps at his deathbed.
And Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm are TOTALLY DOING IT. And afterwards, they're like LULZ, ADRENALINE, LET'S GO FIND THAT HOTASS DR. SATTLER AND NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN, while Gwen and Morgana snicker outside, not eating them because that would ruin the fun. And after that Morgana describes everything to Merlin in excrutiating detail until he is crying with despair, and she's like, sort of dismissively, WHATEVER EVOLUTION. Which of course makes Merlin run around in circles because NOT THE E-WORD, UTHER WILL HEAR. And then she sits on his face. Um. WHICH CAUSES A WHOLE SLEW OF OTHER PROBLEMS, I IMAGINE, BECAUSE DINOSAURS ARE COLD-BLOODED SO THERE COULD BE OVERHEATING OR SOMETHING? AND ALSO, YOU KNOW, TEETH.
And then at the end, Arthur is finally like, "you know, I heard one of those guys say that, like, life will find a way" to which Merlin is like "orly" not really getting it, so Arthur has to spell it out for him: "so do you, you know, do you wanna...?" and then Merlin gets it and is like "Didn't you eat them?" and Arthur who has envisioned this difficulty has to explain that he didn't eat that one, and Merlin is trying not to envision anything at all except maybe the tasty tasty humans that Morgana is eating without him - the revolution was a great idea and all, but now he'll never be able to eat people again - so he's like "Won't this present some problems? Logistically? And also, you know, not create any life" and Arthur is like "Whatever, evolution" and since Arthur mentioned evolution, it has to be okay, so Merlin is like "Yeah, okay, all right" and then there is some more dino sex that I won't think about.
THE REAL QUESTION IS: WHO IS GAIUS? Is he Sam Jackson? Or that apatosaurus that everyone calls a cow and then sneezes on that girl? Or is he Merlin's raptor mentor of ambiguous morality who was the first to evolve and who caused Merlin to develop a questionable code of ethics himself? OUR READERSHIP DEMANDS TO KNOW.