whynot | WHY CAN'T I SLEEP ---> livejournal posty time!

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WHY CAN'T I SLEEP ---> livejournal posty time!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO SLEEP FOR THE PAST THREE HOURS AND I JUST WON'T SLEEP. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, BODY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE FUCKING TIRED OR SOMETHING.

HERE IS WHAT PPL SHOULD WRITE FOR THE 2ND ROUND OF

reel_merlin GODDAMN.

Back to the Future. Because Arthur should go back in time and discover that Uther Pendragon was a big dweeb in high school. "THINK, PENDRAGON, THINK."

Fight Club. Morgana has insomnia (MUCH LIKE MY CURRENT SELF) and a shitty job. Her life is ending one minute at a time. She meets the smokin' hot and jaded Nimueh, has all sorts of sexual tension with her, and somewhere along the way, things explode. AWESOME.

The Devil's Advocate. Morgana as Keanu Reeves, Gwen as Charlize Theron, and Nimueh as Al Pacino. Oh come on, this would blow your mind with so much awesome, you can't even. Nimueh helps Morgana ride so high, then FUCKS HER SHIT UP, then FUCKS GWEN'S SHIT UP, and Morgana is like, "NOOOO, GWENNNNN." BUT IT'S TOO LATE. THE MURAL BEHIND NIMUEH BEGINS TO SHIFT INTO SOME CGI HIERONYMUS BOSCH THING, AND NIMUEH IS LIKE LAUGHING EVILLY and Morgana is like "What have I done??" \o/

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Gwen = Arthur Dent, Morgana = Ford Prefect, Merlin = Trillian, Arthur = Zaphod OF COURSE. Gaius = Marvin. Will = the bowl of petunias.

Harry Potter. ...This is too easy.

Jurassic Park. The following is probably true: Merlin + dinosaurs = unparalleled excellence.

THE SECRET FUCKING GARDEN. Not a garden in which one secretly fucks, but the one based on the book by Frances Hodgson Burnett, I just got excited there. Starring picnics on the moor and cuddling in the garden. Co-starring the belief in MAGIC and Arthur as the world's most imperious bedridden boy.

SNAKES ON A PLANE. MORGANA HAS HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE.

Star Wars! Will is the Wookie.

And I notice the noticeable absence of NARNIA as an option, goddamn, someone should write that shit. It would make my life COMPLETE. I do not even want to hazard a guess as to who Aslan would be, though. Should Lancelot be Tumnus or Oreius? Gaius is probz the Beavers. ETA: Or, you can retell Prince Caspian! :D?

To further alleviate my sleepy sufferings, I implore you to

LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKING GQ MEME

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I can only clap enthusiastically for Fight Club and Harry Potter, JUMP UP AND DOWN LIKE A CRAZY for Jurassic Park and Snakes On A Plane, and EXPLODE WITH JOY JOY JOY AND ANTICIPATION AT THE IDEA OF THE SECRET FUCKING GARDEN.

SOMEONE WRITE THESE THINGS. (I am totally stealing this idea. Maybe I can subtly corner my f-list into WRITING ME SHIT.)

APPARENTLY FIGHT CLUB AND SECRET GARDEN HAVE BEEN SIGNED UP FOR??! joooooyyyyyyyy

COME ON, JURASSIC PARK. who doesn't like dinosaurs?!

NARNIA!! Get down there and claim it at once - you don't have to adhere to the original list. I'm pretty sure FIGHT CLUB and SECRET GARDEN (weeps with joy for this) have been signed up for.
Hearts REEL MERLIN.

Nah, I've already been twiddling around with a retelling of Lion, Witch, Wardrobe using Indonesian folktales. I'd be all Narnia'd out writing two LWWs. OOH, though a retelling of Prince Caspian would be super!

Maybe one of the other Narnia fen on my flist is up for it?? :D? :D?

I am so ready for The Secret Garden oh my goodness. GAIUS AS BEN WEATHERSTAFF OMGGGGGG

Seriously, though, the whole thing is just so apt. I can totally see Morgana as Mary the lonely, awkward orphan and Uther as Lord Craven not knowing how to deal with his son and OHHHHHHHH.

YES, and Gwen gives Morgana a skipping rope for something to do and Morgana sort of frowns at it, but she gets into the habit, and on the edge of the moor she meets a boy named Merlin who it seems can talk to the animals? Who is Mrs Medlock?

I don't know, the only one I can think of is Nimueh before she made herself all young and smokin'. Maybe she has some residual guilt about Igraine's death and so gets all hyper-protective of Arthur. A bit of a stretch, though. Maybe Gaius is Mrs Medlock???

And what about the dragon? Or, for the lolz he can be Medlock and be like "ARTHUR, you simply MUST meet Gwen's cousin Merlin who loves to wander the moors and cuddle lambs." And I want Morgana to fall in love with the eaaarrth.

jurassic park! and some kind of meta-mix-up what with sam neill ALSO being merlin! :D that would be fabulous!

also, LOLed so very hard at hitchikers guide. would the dragon be slartibartfast or the white mice?

HAHA, and Uther being crazy John Hammond. Morgana knew it was a bad idea all along, then Gwen gets shocked on the T-Rex fence and a brachiosaurus sneezes all over Arthur.

Hmm, maybe he would be Slart and then... Nimueh is the mice?

Also necessary: a "The Godfather" retelling.

A motherfucking GQ meme? You didn't strike me as the

ontd_startrek type, but OK.

Also, THE FIGHT CLUB ONE. (The first rule of Magic is you don't talk about Magic. The second rule of Magic is you don't talk about Magic.)

Edited 2009-06-22 23:02 (UTC)

What, the GQMF thing has totally been around since before Star Trek.

(Arthur hasn't been fucked like that since grade school.)

I keep seeing this GQMF thing and not getting it at all. I believe the MF is motherfuckin', yes? But what does this GQ stand for? *puzzlement*

GQ like the men's magazine GQ for stylish men, so it's just shorthand for 'cool'. The MF is motherfucker. STix popularized it but I'm pretty sure the first GQMF meme was like about Obama or someone in the Olympics or something.

It also stands for Generalized Quadrature Mirror Filter.

THE SECRET FUCKING GARDEN

Does this make Merlin the twelve-year-old Christ figure? Or is his talking to animals now SUPER SEKRIT?

Also, I am now desperately intrigued by this gender-switched Fight Club option

I dunno! Maybe he's the Mary Lennox talking about the Magic of the garden.

Apparently someone is well into writing a Fight Club one, and I am so curious and I hope it's about The Ladies because omg awesome magic duels. Bombing the bastions of scientific thought!

I just signed up for this (thought not with any of the prompts you mentioned). I'm pretty sure that it's your fault. :P

BUT, when I eventually write my Star Wars fusion collab thing Will will be a wookie. I can promise you that much.

yay! MY NAME IS MORGANA LE FAY YOU KILLED MY FATHER PREPARE TO DIE omggggg. How you gonna do the poison cup scene AKA EPISODE ELEVEN??

ARTHUR SHOT FIRST.

YES. IT WILL BE EPIC. GWEN IS GOING TO BE FEZZIC. PEOPLE WILL KEEP TELLING ARTHUR THAT"S SHE"S JUST VERY SMALL FOR HER SIZE. I HAVEN"T FIGURED IT ALL OUT YET. I'm trying to finish Big Bang first *whimpers*

Heh, see the reason that I didn't sign up for Star Wars is I'm thinking more of Arthur and Merlin do the Star Wars universe rather than the actual movies themselves. Like Merlin is a padawan to Gaius, and they have to go to this backwards backwater planet called Camelot (for whatever reason). The senator from there is the ruler's son, Arthur, and he tells them that they'll have to hide that they're Jedis and not use the force because the force is forbidden in Camelot. Wacky hijinks ensue! Yoda is the great slash dragon! WOOT. However,

staraflur is going to do a more straight up movie version (at some point) and ARTHUR TOTALLY SHOT FIRST.

Epiiiiiiiiiiic. HAHA YODA IS THE DRAGON OF COURSE, it makes so much sense! They both make as much sense as the other sometimes XD. omg lightsaber!Excalibur??

OMG! I hadn't even thought of that! But yes, totally. And people keep telling Arthur that he can't have a lightsaber, he's not a jedi, but honestly no one wants to get close enough to take it away. Arthur has this LOOK in his eye...

Jurassic Park. The following is probably true: Merlin + dinosaurs = unparalleled excellence.
Fucking yes. Actually, I sort of want Merlin cast to be dinosaurs? Like, Morgana is a raptor, and Arthur is the T-Rex who only eats people (and goats) because his daddy didn't love him? THIS WOULD TOTALLY FUCK UP THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE BUT WHATEVER. EVOLUTION = SEKRIT MAGIC. Er, I may be writing this now? I APOLOGIZE FOR POSSIBLY TAKING THIS EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY FROM SOMEONE ELSE.
I also really want Gwen/Morgana From Hell fic, but uh...Morgana having visions notwithstanding, Gwen is not a prostitute? Ugh, I read too many comic books, omg.

OMGYES. That is the kind forward thinking we need! Uther Rex is like NO, NO EVOLUTION ALLOWED. hahaha, possibly you can throw in elements from 'Land Before Time' then? Merlin as Littlefoot, looking for tree stars and the valley. It's been too long since I watched From Hell, I don't remember much of it at all except that Johnny Depp was in it. So I assume I liked it? I do EAGERLY AWAIT YOUR DINOFIC.

I was going to make Merlin a raptor too so he and Morgana could have sex and Arthur could lustfully on without disrupting the Natural Order of Things (...haha what?) but omg, Littlefoot Merlin! Gwen could be Ducky. Someone needs to get on this shit, stat.

omg what kind of dinosaur would the dragon be??

omg I have no idea. I guess it depends on what we are talking about? If it's Land Before Time, probly Littlefoot-Merlin's mother of Mystic Wisdomz (it's been a really long time since I watched Land Before Time...did you know that George Lucas produced it? Oh lulz) And Will would probably be Petrie. But if it was Jurassic Park maybe one of those spitty things? OR THE SICK STEGOSAURUS OMG.

I didn't know Lucas produced it, omg, what lulz. The stegooooooooo. SO HEY, how about the part where the Alan Grant and the Ian Malcolm DO IT? Or something. And Will is maybe one of the random scientists? PERHAPS THE SAM JACKSON ONE?? Bloodthirsty hunter = Valiant?

Bloodthirsty hunter = Valiant? OMG YES. He talks to dinosawrs, it's perfect. Morgana can eat him, and not share with Arthur because Arthur is fat enough as it is.
But if Will is Sam Jackson, how can he be Merlin's semi-platonic bff who makes Arthur with their easy friendship but whom he would never consider eating because Merlin is clearly a girl and it would make him cry, totally disregarding the fact that Merlin and Morgana are senselessfucking at every opportunity they get and some they don't? (I am just running through fandom cliches here, my god) WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT, LASSITER? THESE ARE DINOS. I SHOULD NOT BE THINKING ABOUT THEM SENSELESSFUCKING.
So nono, Will is obviously one of the spitty dinosaurs, and Morgana and Merlin are running around all crazy agitating for a revolt, like "We must eradicate this invasive non-native species" and Morgana is saying "while perhaps assimilating some of their more intelligent ideas (viz., senselessfucking members of the same or opposite gender against walls and other conveniently placed standing-up things) and also maybe we could keep that girl doctor, she is pretty hot and smart and things." But WIll will not join because he has been doing some research, and his progenitor died in Dubious Battle with other dinos, and he is fond of the stability that human rule offers. But eventually he gives in because he lurves Merlin and TRAGICALLY DIES as a result of the VAST AMOUNTS of cholesterol ingested when eating that dude, and Merlin weeps at his deathbed.
And Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm are TOTALLY DOING IT. And afterwards, they're like LULZ, ADRENALINE, LET'S GO FIND THAT HOTASS DR. SATTLER AND NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN, while Gwen and Morgana snicker outside, not eating them because that would ruin the fun. And after that Morgana describes everything to Merlin in excrutiating detail until he is crying with despair, and she's like, sort of dismissively, WHATEVER EVOLUTION. Which of course makes Merlin run around in circles because NOT THE E-WORD, UTHER WILL HEAR. And then she sits on his face. Um. WHICH CAUSES A WHOLE SLEW OF OTHER PROBLEMS, I IMAGINE, BECAUSE DINOSAURS ARE COLD-BLOODED SO THERE COULD BE OVERHEATING OR SOMETHING? AND ALSO, YOU KNOW, TEETH.
And then at the end, Arthur is finally like, "you know, I heard one of those guys say that, like, life will find a way" to which Merlin is like "orly" not really getting it, so Arthur has to spell it out for him: "so do you, you know, do you wanna...?" and then Merlin gets it and is like "Didn't you eat them?" and Arthur who has envisioned this difficulty has to explain that he didn't eat that one, and Merlin is trying not to envision anything at all except maybe the tasty tasty humans that Morgana is eating without him - the revolution was a great idea and all, but now he'll never be able to eat people again - so he's like "Won't this present some problems? Logistically? And also, you know, not create any life" and Arthur is like "Whatever, evolution" and since Arthur mentioned evolution, it has to be okay, so Merlin is like "Yeah, okay, all right" and then there is some more dino sex that I won't think about.
THE REAL QUESTION IS: WHO IS GAIUS? Is he Sam Jackson? Or that apatosaurus that everyone calls a cow and then sneezes on that girl? Or is he Merlin's raptor mentor of ambiguous morality who was the first to evolve and who caused Merlin to develop a questionable code of ethics himself? OUR READERSHIP DEMANDS TO KNOW.

ARTHUR THE FAT DINOSAUR SHOULD LIKE BE A CARTOON OR SOMETHING. Hahahaha animals know all about senselessfucking, dude, it's a beautiful natural thing. YOU SEE, WHEN A DADDY T-REX LOVES A MOMMY T-REX, THEY HUG EACH OTHER IN A SPECIAL WAY. But mostly they are just horny, so they bone, and then eggs are laid, and that's where YOU come from, Arthur Rex! And Arthur Rex just wants this conversation to be over already, GAWD FATHERS ARE SO EMBARRASSING. He'd rather be eating brontosaurus, or bullying the raptors with the other cool t-rex, but oh well, you can't always get what you want. Not with a father like Uther Rex, and not if you are a fat t-rex. Uther Rex tells him it's just baby fat, but Morgana Raptor says, "No, you're just regular fat."

LOL WILL DIED OF GUY-FROm-SEINFELD-OVERDOSE. Wiiiiillllll. What else do Morgana and Gwen do besides snickering at silly humans? I like Gaius as the raptor mentor! OH OH OH, so he is like a bit more evolved and stuff, maybe he is a bird?? One of those archeopteryx thingums! Haha. Gaius: SLIGHTLY EVOLVED. Which is better than most of the denizens of Jurassiclot Park.

Haha and then Uther raptor takes Morgana aside because she's not making it any easier for him to shape Arthur Rex into a real king: how can he intimidate the masses if he is crippled with self-doubt? And Morgana says, "Well, obviously he'll intimidate them with his massive girth," and Uther Rex tells her to shut up; she knows nothing about what it is to be king, to which Morgana is like "....neither do you?"

Oh gosh, I hadn't thought that far ahead. What do raptors do in their free time (and why is the Arthur the only one who is not a raptor? I guess he is just not cool enough) I imagine they play lots of hangman and stuff only WITH ACTUAL PEOPLE. And eating them. Um! They also derive an unhealthy amusement from following the humanz around and making them really nervous, or so Merlin tells them, but that doesn't stop him from following them around and asking to hang out.

I thought Uther was also a T-Rex, hence the Uther Rex name? HAHA, Gwen: the raptor with the heart of gold!

HANGMAN WITH REAL PPL jflkdjsf;lksjfl <3!

He is a T-Rex, I just fail at thinking-while-typing. D:

OH MAN, if Gwen has a Heart of Gold, does that make this some sort of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Crossover?! Is being dinosaurs some sort of function of the Improbability Drive?

The hangman is really much more efficient than hangman has any right to be, since they guess each other's words after, like, 5 letters, but they kind of prefer it that way; it's streamlined, LESS GUESSING, MOAR EATING. They also like to play with Arthur because Morgana might not be more clever than he is per se but Arthur gets kind of distracted from the game thinking about food (they have to hide the ppl and keep score, otherwise Arthur would just eat and leave - it's sort of forced cooperation) and doesn't pay much attention to the actual game. It's best to play when he has a cold because then he can't smell the food and stomp off quarterway through the game.

DID YOU JUST ASK WHAT IF GWEN WAS A SPACESHIP. ahahahaha <33333

hey guess each other's words after, like, 5 letters
They should evolve so they can think of bigger words.

OH GOD, MAYBE I DID?

LOOK YOU CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO BE ABLE TO SPELL WITH ANY LEVEL OF PROFICIENCY, OKAY. IT'S NOT LIKE THEY BOTHERED TO TEACH THEM HOW TO READ//WRITE IN THEIR "HOW TO PREPARE FOR THE COMING HUMAN INVASION" LESSONS.

Most excellent is the fact that when season 2 starts, I'll spend the entire time being like, hey remember that time they were dinosaurs? and assuming that every time Arthur puts on his armor, Morgana's somewhere in the corner making fat jokes. It's not that Arthur cares about Morgana's opinion, obviously she can think whatever she likes and he knows that he eats to keep his strength up so he can rule properly. It's the precedent that bothers him. That and the fact that last time he was chasing hadrosaurs, he could hear them laughing just because they were a little far away and he was a little out of breath. Fucking cows.

Re: Back to the Future.

ROFL Wrong in so many ways! I must read this fictional fiction. :)

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WHY CAN'T I SLEEP ---> livejournal posty time!

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lalala i talk too much

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