whynot | Uther Pendragon will make you an offer you can't refuse.

Let's play Good News Bad News and Tangent!

BAD NEWS: Updating project descriptions sucks like a vacuum and omfg there are three more hours on the clock UGH THAT IS PRACTICALLY FOREVER.

GOOD NEWS: Office is closing early!

BAD NEWS: ...because a typhoon is coming.

GOOD NEWS: Waiting for my ride to come, I'm tooling around on Cracked, as one does, and discover that, once upon a time, Kirk and Spock had to fight the mafia in space. What in the whaaaaaat. YOU GUYS. Can you imagine this with the Reboot cast? jhfjkhf. Speaking of strange things The Shat has done, there is also a spoken-word song called "In Love" in collaboration with Ben Folds.

TANGENT: Every fandom needs a mafia AU. How about the one where Uther Pendragon is ~~Vito Corleone~~ the don of all dons, and what Arthur really wants to do is go legit, but Uther goes on about legacy and duty, and shoves that in Arthur's face. You don't turn your back on the family, son! Now Morgana, she doesn't need to be told that. Taken in by the Pendragons as a child, she has earned the position of consigliere, and is not afraid to fuuuuuuck your shit up. MAJOR clashes between the kids here (and Uther possibly encourages it in a subtle way), 'cos typically Arthur should be the underboss, but he's all I WILL NOT HAVE YOUR LIFE OF CRIIIIME and Morgana wants to be the underboss, but she's not really family. Not by blood, and blood, it's everything. Although she and Uther don't take kindly to people talking shit about how she shouldn't wield this much power if she isn't really family, Morgana knows that the aegis of the Pendragon family will only last as long as she doesn't challenge how things work.

BUT THEN A RIVAL BOSS MAKES AN ATTEMPT ON UTHER'S LIFE. Arthur is drawn into resorting to criminal acts to protect him. Morgana is conflicted because Arthur is doing a pretty competent job at protecting Uther and the family's interests, but then again his competence can possibly edge her out. But they have to band together, FOR FAMILY. Blood is thicker than water, but blood runs out, dries up, and you know what doesn't? Loyalty. Legacy. stuff happens blah blah blah William Ealdor sleeps with the fishes and then Arthur and Morgana kill all the rival bosses and rule as king and queen of the criminal underworld HAPPILY EVER AFTER (except for the part where Arthur's conscience will never sleep easy again, and Morgana continues to quietly undermine him).

I really should've signed up for

reel_merlin.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

SEE MY ICON? THAT IS THE FACE I'M MAKING. I swear woman, if you actually write one of your many hypothetical Merlin AUs one day, I WILL HAVE A HEART ATTACK. But one of those good ones that are born of JOYYYYY

ahahaha <333 I would defibrillate you but I am armed only with crack.

I should have a tag for these that's like "things I'm too lazy to write".

I think you need to write that. It actually reminds me of that epic commentfic of the Pevensies? Where Peter's been to jail? You know the one.

ALSO. Ye Olde Original Trek = always good for crack. I haven't gotten to that episode yet, though.

I ALSO THINK I NEED TO WRITE THIS. A mafia AU would be a pretty great way to channel my love for the ostensibly honorable codependency of Pendragons.

Haaaaa, that one! I miss writing in that 'verse sometimes. Such a no-holds-barred, let's-throw-in-everything-relevant-to-our-interests playground of enabling. We never did resolve the plot.

WHAT IF Pevensies were mafia. What if Edmund was consigliere? I think yes.

I APPROVE OF CONSIGLIERE EDMUND. Which is not surprising, considering that I generally approve of all things involving Edmund.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR BRAIN WORKS BUT I LIKE IT. Uther would be a SCARY mafia boss, but Arthur would be so fail. Poor Arthur, he tries so hard.

Aaaalso, be careful in the typhoon!

YEAH and Arthur wishes Morgana would stop saying it's just business, it's nothing personal, but how is it nothing personal if you are killing, y'know, PERSONS. But I like to think that Arthur learns to become scary in his own Arthur way. Also, where are Gwen, Merlin, and Lancelot in this Pendragon drama? I know not.

Merlin is an activist trying to clean up the streets. Lancelot isn't part of the family but he REALLY REALLY WANTS TO BE, and also maybe marry Morgana. Gwen is...Gwen is the random girl that Arthur and Morgana befriend, and neither really wants her to know who they really are.

ya an activist! Maybe he works with the unions since the mafia tends to show up to strongarm some bitches when strikes happen, but Merlin isn't going to be intimidated. But maybe there are other ways to convince him. I'm tempted to make him bend his morals for Arthur once they start to get to know each other. But then I'm like, "Hmm, would Merlin really be the type to bend his morals?" But then I think back to canon, y'know, and it's not that Merlin would bend his morals per se, but he can be bent and not know he's been bent. He can be a useful weapon that way, if Arthur plays his cards right. And Arthur kind of hates that he can start thinking about people like this. But he has to think of the family, y'know.

re: Gwen. Maybe she is a journalist trying to get the scoop on the mafia? Arthur meets her first and is kind of smitten, and when Morgana finds out, she's like, "Cut her off, reporters can get irritating." But then Morgana meets Gwen, and the three of them maybe sort of broker a deal where Gwen gets enough information to write what is essentially Jerry Capeci's Gangland columns and ride that fame, and the mafia ends up getting really good PR and glamorized, and the public can be distracted from the dirtier of the mobs' dealings. Gwen can do this column as long as she agrees to certain terms that ensures no one gets arrested. "We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt," Morgana says.

YES. He bends his morals for Arthur. Maybe someone is like "Merlin, a new age can dawn for us, but only if you help Arthur!" So they're using each other.

OMG YES. Maybe Uther eventually finds out and tries to have her taken out, but Arthur and Morgana stop him.

Who's Gaius?

A double agent extraordinaire. Uther likes him, and so do the feds.

And maybe Merlin and Arthur are kind of aware that they're using each other, but they're always convinced that the other person will come round to their POV sooner or later. I can change him. XD Morgana rolls her eyes at it a little.

BAHAHA and when Arthur and Morgana are negotiating for Gwen's life, Uther is all, "I find your lack of faith disturbing." And Arthur and Morgana think, in private, that maybe it's time for Uther to step down.

Oh, man, the power struggles between them. Because everyone just assumed they would get married, but they argue too much and drive each other crazy and anyway they both want Gwen. (Also, Lancelot is like "Gwen, it's too dangerous with them!")

Randomly, I saw The Godfather for the first time in my life last week.

OMG WHAT DID YOU THINK

WAS SONNY NOT THE BEST

ACTUALLY

THEY WERE ALL THE BEST

waaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Well, now all the mafia-related stuff that came later makes sense!

It was good, I liked it, I am kind of shocked at how many classic well-known liines come from that movie that I hadn't known about.

Right?! It's like Star Trek like that. Like, you watch it, and 90% of pop culture suddenly makes sense! Okay maybe not 90, but you know what I mean. Soooooo many depictions of the mafia in pop culture owe something to The Godfather. If not Godfather, then Goodfellas. And I love the whole "we're powerful and ruthless criminals... who looooove our family!" deal they got going. Mafia honor, man.

Edmund as the awesomest consigliere, y/y?

I really should've signed up for reel_merlin.

No duh. Write it anyway. I WANTS IT PRECIOUS. Also what is Merlin doing in this scenario. TELL ME LASS, TELL ME.

It appears

animus_wyrmis and I have decided that Merlin is some sort of union organizer. He empowers them with ideology and encourages strikes for better wage, and when the foreman calls in the mafia to take care of him, he and Arthur have smoldering tension together. Morgana thinks Merlin is a liability, but Arthur wonders if he can be drawn into some sort of deal instead.

Uther Pendragon will make you an offer you can't refuse.

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