whynot | (no subject)

Morgana never held any pretenses about being a normal person, but she fooled herself into thinking that she could at least have a normal life, but then stupid Arthur barges in with stupid speeches about ~*family*~, and aphorisms that sound like threats like, "You can't avoid this forever." But what is forever but a word anyway, when between one blink of an eye and the next, Nimueh is dead, stuck to the ceiling and burning, and between one blink and the next, Arthur breaks the bottle of holy water over a demon's head and yells "MORGANA, NOW" and she is chanting the old verses quicker than thought, as if she hasn't spent the last handful of years trying to forget them, as if she never left at all.

+

They drive down the interstate with the windows down and Led Zeppelin on the radio, and Morgana asleep in the passenger seat, snoring gently. Arthur will give her shit about that later, for the snoring. She always gives him shit for snoring (and for leaving the toilet seat up, and for not picking up after himself, whatever), and Arthur resists the urge to reach over and brush her hair from her face. The wind will just blow it around again anyway, and anyway he doesn't want to wake her. She's been out cold since Tulsa, sleeping the bone-dead sleep of the exhausted and drained, and Arthur can't help think about how Morgana four years ago wouldn't have gotten so tired after fighting some lame-ass ghouls, but she's out of practice. Still, even for someone who's out of practice, she was precise and brutal with her weapons. His weapons. Their weapons, now. The ghouls thought they would overpower Morgana, seeing the panic in her eyes, but instinct took her over and in the end she was the one still standing.

"You did good," Arthur had told her, and all she said was, "Let's clean up this mess."

+

[Morgana saw Uther die in her dreams, so isn't surprised when Arthur comes knocking a few weeks later. Maybe that's why Arthur seeks Morgana out, because it's just him alone now. He tells Morgana something else of course. Like, he's heard the Apocalypse is just around the corner, all the hunters are talking about it. He needs Morgana's help to fight it. He needs her abilities. He needs her visions, to find... clues, and shit, about the End Times.

And the first thing Morgana thinks is, How like Arthur to want to stop the Apocalypse on his own.

Not, not his own, he says. With her.

Like the way it used to be? she says.

Yeah.

Arthur, we never had a way we used to be.

He says, That's not true.

How Arthur can cling to the image of happy families after all these years is beyond her.

He thinks she's grown up a lot in four years, calmer, softer, but he can still see the thrum of energy that is dormant not gone in her eyes. He wonders what she sees when she looks at him now. (Morgana sees a tired man hiding behind insults and crude jokes. She sees Uther in him, and she thinks that's why she says yes in the end.)]

+

Shapeshifter, ghoul, ghost, witch, werewolf: Morgana relearns them over the next several months, and sends them into that deeper darkness. At the end of the fight, she is the one blood-spattered with ichor ruining her boots, breathing hard and shaking just a little bit. With every hunt, she shakes a little less.

There is a hardness that settles into her that Arthur isn't sure what to make of. It is similar to the rough-edged panic she'd get whenever she'd try to leave this life, and whenever she found herself getting dragged back in. There is something reflexive about it, defensive, like a rechanneling of energy: if she is scared, she will make sure everything else is too.

Morgana grits her teeth and doesn't make a sound as Arthur sews up her shoulder and chatters inanely about the douchebaggery of vampires. In a way Morgana is becoming the sister he always wanted growing up, but on the other hand: Arthur doesn't know this Morgana very well. He realizes, he doesn't know a Morgana who isn't trying to leave.

He tries a joke, something about broken nails and torn dresses and other things he knows Morgana doesn't care about. Jokes about Morgana going back to law school because it's always sunny in Palo Alto.

She glares at him, and says, "Oh, and who'll keep you out of trouble?"

"I've managed without you," Arthur replies mildly, but there is something rumpled in her vitriol, something she is trying to keep hidden. He watches her, waiting to see if she will reveal more. She rolls her eyes and makes a scoffing noise, then reaches for the Jim Beam, which tells him more than words ever can.