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+ I watched The Princess and the Frog, and DR. FACILIER IS THE BESTEST, OMG. What a great villain! AND HIS SHADOW. HIM AND HIS SHADOW, partners in crime! And the shadow monsters he conjured? BESTEST CREEPIEST HENCHMONSTERS. Where's the Facilier fic, gimme gimme.

I also wasn't expecting to laugh as much as I did. GRANDMA FLASHED THE NEIGHBORS AGAIN. She is a waitress -- DO NOT KISS HER. Also, we actually had an on-screen death! How do you like them apples? NGL, when Ray joined Evangeline up in the sky, that was when I laughed loudest. This movie is ridiculous, and sweet, and yay. I also like Mama Odie's snake.

In conclusion: DR. FACILIER.

+ And then I watched Being Human 2x01.

- GEORGE/NINA, YOU GUYS. OMG. Last season I was like, "Oh, they're cute I guess," BUT NOW. OMG. THE FIGHT IN THE BEDROOM. AND THEN CRYING ON HIS KNEES INTO HER SCRUBS AT THE HOSPITAL. I don't even need fic for these two, I'm so ;__; and <33<333 at the canon werewolf love already. GEORGE/NINA. It takes my heart, THEN BREAKS IT, and I love iiiiit.

- I also love how George is naked like 50% of the time. What, he's got a nice butt.

- "IF YOU DO, I'LL GIVE YOU FUCKING RABIES." Just, Nina dealing with being a werewolf. <33

- "OKAY, I'M GOING TO--" *POOF!* Annie is still the best. ESPECIALLY AT THE END, when her constant tea-making is vindicated at last! Perfect mirror to 1x01, when she made the teas and no one drank them. Now she made the teas and EVERYONE drank them! And it makes me fsldjfskld with joy.

- "HE'S NOT THAT HANDSOME. CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?"
"I'M A WEREWOLF."
"I GUESS HE'S FAIRLY HANDSOME."

- OT3 has become OT4 and I heartily approve. Annie and Nina are BFFing already omg so great.

- "SHE'S THE LAST PERSON WHO NEEDED YOU." Gah, the whole scene with the vampire and her daughter on the hospital bed, omgggggg.

In conclusion: OMG <3

I did a Being Human mini-pimp post, but you should also check out

heather11483's pimp post because it's more thorough and has MOAR PICTURES of everyone being pretty and in love with each other. Yes.

+ Unnecessary AU #478932: Street food vendors AU. HEAR ME OUT. I was rewatching the Street Food episode about Manhattan and Brooklyn, and THERE IS LIKE. This UNDERBELLY OF STREET FOOD VENDORS, with arbitrary health inspectors ("Your cart is 9 feet away from the crosswalk instead of 10, and also your license isn't displayed properly. A THOUSAND DOLLAR FINE, IF YOU PLEASE."), and pesky anonymous food critics from the Village, and TURF WARS.

TURF WARS.

This Iranian guy was like, "Yeah, these Jordanians stationed their cart down the street from me and they're taking my business! They won't move!" And the police refuse to get involved in street vendor disputes. There's gotta be like a street food vendor council or something. The Arab mafia must totally have their fingers in the street food vendor pie. Also, check it, some food carts can cost up to tens of thousands of dollars, and getting a license to vend at hot spots in New York can cost you your first-born. Some guy paid $300,000 to vend for 3 years in front of the MoMA.

Fuck it, this doesn't even have to be AU fic, it can totally be original fiction. IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE SELLING GYROS ON THE MEAN STREETS OF NEW YORK.

+ lol, I fail at writing

3sentence Mordred&Morgana fic. Out of the 18 prompt words I've written, only 3 are 3 sentences. So maybe it's a fail, but also a win! I'll probably stop at 25 instead of going the whole 50, at this rate. In any case, can anyone beta/Britpick for me? :D?

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OMG, Dr. Facilier. And his fucking shadow! I watched it last night and now I'm wearing more than one skull necklace and I'm trying to figure out how to work tarot cards into my bigbang fic.

TURF WARS OMG. this is absolutely amazing you should write it! or someone should. hahaha!

ooh, I'd almost forgotten about Being Human. huhh. I think I got interrupted in the middle of the pilot and forgot to go back to it. I think this calls for watching it! yay!

(haha, if you and Z and I ever get published they'll have to start publishing papers on trends of parallels to Narnia and Merlin in modern literature.)

OMG OMG BEING HUMAN. I was exactly the same about George/Nina, basically kind of "whatever" with a little bit of annoyance that they were breaking up the OT3. But nowww they are tearing my heart out. Oh man. That fight they had!! It was so REAL that it almost made me uncomfortable. They're both such good actors. ♥_♥

The big secret conversation in the kitchen was WIN.

The creepy guy with his creepy group of creepy people, though, oh my god. *shudders* That scene with the guy in the tank thing? NIGHTMARES.

I would support you writing that original fiction street vendor story. Seriously.

THE SHADOOOOOOOWS. One thing I still don't get: if he can't conjure things for himself, then what are his debts for and what is the point of his magical powers? Just to have the magical powers? What is he getting out of the this sinister deal?

TURF WARS. Squabbles over the best spot, negotiating the price of supplies with surly suppliers, SUBTLE SABOTAGE, and keeping one step ahead of the vendor inspectors, yessir.

Truth be told, I've never watched the Being Human pilot. I guess at some point...

They were sort of... taking liberties with voodoo/vaudun there, so I'm not really sure. I'd assume that he can't use the conjures on himself. Like he couldn't make himself look like the prince, or, like, make a palace for him to live in or anything.

But he was quite clearly using his powers to get other people into situations that would benefit him. Probably he uses his powers for/on other people in exchange for them doing things for him. It is sort of broadly true that voodoo works better on someone else's behalf.

I am way, way over thinking this.

This show sounds SO COOL.

THIS STREET VENDORS THING ALSO SOUNDS SO COOL. Like, potentially hilarious and uberdramatic AT THE SAME TIME. DANG, EVEN THE POPO DON'T GET INVOLVED

did you know that lots of mexican police carry really big guns these days? and wear face masks? like this except you can see their eyes. ~~I THINK SOME OF THEM HIT ON US TONIGHT~~

"Bones, this is the perfect, and I really really mean that this time, the perfect opportunity," Jim is standing in front of the New York Hall of Science and his gestures are as expansive as they always are, full of daring and optimism. More than one fortysomething mother doing the tourist thing in New York for the first time in her life has fallen for it. But belying his blond hair, blue eyes, and occasional uncanny impression of a rentboy, James T. Kirk's business these days is selling food, not sex.

"I'm telling you, all those kiddies are gonna come out, all high on dreams of sci-fi glory. And what are they going to see before their eyes? Space food! From the mouths of astronauts themselves!" Jim's sweep of his arm takes in the museum and the cart, which is currently emblazoned with "THE ENTERPRISE" and cartoon blobs meant to represent spaceships.

Bones snorts. "Whatever. Just get over here and start ladling the Dots."

Oh gawd Dr Facilier <3 sooo awesome with the shadow minions and even his death scene was awesome... And Ray oh poor Ray ;.; Charlotte was such a sweetie too...

Wait a mo', why am I giving all the love to the minor characters and none to the leads?

INDEED. WHERE YA BEEN, GRRL.

I wouldn't expect some rando addition to the main ensemble to work so well, but it does! Now there's only MORE to love. Ya, I will maybe be rewatching this episode, um, sooooooon.

Oh man, the tank. How soon do you think before someone has to rescue Nina or George from it.

GIRL, WHAT'S CRACKALACKING

TURF WARS AND STREET VENDOR WOES. I like this :D

It would include a scene with an illegal food cart, but then someone sees the vendor inspectors and yells to his partner, "CHEESE IT." And then there is a chase scene!

Maybe someone should just make a movie of this.

potentially hilarious and uberdramatic AT THE SAME TIME.
Exactly! With chase scenes where the vendor inspectors are after an illegal food cart, and a SHADOWY COUNCIL in smoke-filled backrooms from whom you would ask for help getting rid of those Jordanians down the street. Some urban legend about a Yemeni guy who could make a gyro SO FINE that it cured one woman's hepatitis. Or something.

Haha, I did not. I'm always weirded out when i see guns IRL outside a shooting range, I'm conditioned to think they only exist in movies.

WERE THEY CUUUUUUTE?

Me too. I just didn't get at first why he'd want powers if he can't use it on himself. Also, if he's using his powers on other people with the intent of benefiting himself, then isn't that kind of using powers on himself also to an extent?

a Yemeni guy who could make a gyro SO FINE that it cured one woman's hepatitis
XDDD the myths! the dynasties! the secret recipes! Generational conflict! chase scenes omg I would die if I saw a food-cart chase scene.

THEY WERE WEARING FACE MASKS D: I COULDN'T TELL. everyone I was with thought they were flirting, though they only said "buenas noches". They were either flirting or laughing at us for being nervous around them. there were like seven!

Semantics.

1. There is kind of already a book about this. It is called The Pushcart War. I read it when I was a kid. But you should totally update it to involve health inspectors adn food critics and turf wars with the Jordanians down the street.

2. HAVE YOU SEEN BRONX FLAVOR, BEST PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION SHOW EVER?

Edited 2010-01-13 22:05 (UTC)

Ha, that book looks cute. I have not seen Bronx flavor, as I watch all my TV online. WHAT NEWS FROM THE BRONX, GOOD LADY?

You can totally watch it online. Try the Legend of Van Cortlandt Park. It's about that awesome carrot cake shop near Van Cortlandt Park.

Edited 2010-01-13 22:36 (UTC)

AHAHAHA. Yes.

And then the Pevensies set up a hot dog stand at the other entrance, and Peter and Jim have a TALK. 'Cos you know Jim comes down to their with a big grin on his face and says hey HEY GREAT HOT DOGS can i have words with you. And Peter is just not intimidated at all, and in fact looks amused, and later Jim says to Spock THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS WORK IN THE STREET FOOD VENDING WORLD.

"I thought you said," says Spock, deep-frying some potatoes, "that one makes one's own rules in street food vending."

"WELL THE PEVENSIES ARE VIOLATING MINE."

Also I want a food cart chase scene. HOW DO WE MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

Ray and Charlotte were grrrrreat.

Haha, I've never been one to love main characters. I always prefer the wacky sidekicks.

There is an incisive comedy of cultural commentary waiting to be made into a film here, WHERE DO I MAIL MY LETTER OF INSISTENCE.

TOTALLY SECRET RECIPES. Ahmed heard from Kwame the taxi driver who heard it from an investment banker he drove to South Ferry once: THE PERFECT GARLIC SAUCE. Haha whatevs Kwame, I've been making garlic sauce for years, what do you know. But Kwame insists and Ahmed begins to wonder, begins to do a little research. BEGINS A HUNT. The search for the perfect garlic sauce becomes a search for ~*himself*~.

OR SOMETHING. I DUNNO MAN, but there's totally got to be a character who's dodging the immigration authorities, and there's totally one who used to be professor in Iran and now he's selling hot dogs on the street. (His hot dog stand is by the physics building of Columbia, and there is this one scrawny associate professor who is a regular customer, and they totally bond over physics geekery.)

I'm not sure, but I feel certain that it would include the line, "FUCK! WATCH THE POTATOES!"

I CAN SEE IT ALL NOW. Let's say Jack, Will, and Elizabeth are running the illegal food cart.

[Happy montage of the illegal food cart raking in lots of dough. People waving dollars in the air demanding food, Will grinning and cooking gyros as fast as he can, Elizabeth chopping onions at lightning speed, and Jack flirting with the customers, THINGS ARE BEGINNING TO LOOK UP.]

Then Jack is like, "Hey I'm just gonna go around the corner to do whatever, buy some gum or something, brush my hair." i'll think of something later.

"FINE FINE COME BACK SOON," Elizabeth says.

But then that's when he sees Norrington coming down the street. Wasn't it Norrington's day off today? Leave it to Norrington to never take a day off.

So Norrington spots him, right.

"You!" says Norrington. "Stop in the name of public health!"

"Do we have more tomatoes?" asks Elizabeth. "Oh look Jack's back. What's he saying?"

"...uuuuuunnn!" Jack is saying.

Will frowns. "Fun?"

"RUN YOU WEASELS RUN!" Jack hollers, and begins facilitating an apparently arbitrary swap of dollars and food between the cart and customers' hands. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS COME AGAIN SOON."

"I asked for ketchup," says a customer, going like this: :(

"YOUR MOTHER ASKED FOR KETCHUP," says Jack, and they get the cart on a move on as Norrington turns the corner.

WONDERFUL. I dunno what to say but WONDERFUL.

As the Black Pearl crew hastily vacates the premises with uptight inspector in slightly bamboozled pursuit, it's almost like they were never there, as one of those newfangled cupcake trucks immediately rolls up to their erstwhile position of former glory. It's painted in a tasteful shade of mind-numbing pink. The be-kerchiefed head that pops out the front window yells at Jack's retreating behind, "Oy, Jack! Thanks!" with a gleeful grin. Behind him in the passenger seat, Maxxie groans. "D'you have to broadcast your friendship with the illegal street vendors all over the bloody street, Anwar?"

"Well it's a good thing they're illegal," says Anwar as he... prepares the sprinkles, and icing and stuff. "Have you tasted their gyros? If they were legit, they'd put everyone out of business."

"It's probably only so delicious because the bacteria growing in them has affected your brain," Maxxie mutters.

"Are you going to go on another speech about the health code again?"

"No."

"Good. 'Cos I wouldn't have listened."

"I'd just prefer for Jack Sparrow to not touch things I put in my mouth."

Anwar waggles his eyebrows. "That's what she said."

"Anwar."

"Right, right. 'Cos we're still not talking about your secret crush on ol' Jack, are we?"

"I do NOT have a--"

"I guess we're not talking about your secret crush on--"

"ANWAR."

Anwar ices the cupcakes and tries not to look smug.

Mean while, the (food) pirates of the high streets of Manhattan have encountered something that poses somewhat of a difficulty to their cart, livelihoods, and possibly sanity: stairs.

And Jack utters the dreaded words. "I'll go distract Norrington."

+

Across town, Edmund shares an amiable cigarette with Spock while they're both on break, post-lunch rush. There's the growing and rapidly entrenching feud between their respective blond, blue-eyed captains, but that sort of thing would never really get in the way of a bit of a smoke.

(Spock, in fact, never used to smoke on the grounds that it was illogical to knowingly pollute one's body, and then Jim had said, "Spock, those god damn potatoes are giving you carcinogens anyway - standing over the grill all day, you know? Now come on." Spock still doesn't inhale much, but finds the social bonding aspect of smoking to be very useful.)

Edmund exhales, and says, "So, I hear Ahmed's on a search for the perfect garlic sauce..."

Two dashes of pepper, a little lemon juice. You let it simmer until it thickens, and then you add the barest hint of cilantro as it cools.

Ahmed tastes a sip from his spoon.

It's good, he thinks. Better than the last, surely, but perhaps not quite what he is looking for. It's very good, and Ahmed wonders if he will let himself be content with this one.

Ayesha appears at the doorway of the kitchen. "Ahmed? It's past midnight, habibi, come to bed."

"Yes, yes," says Ahmed, and readies the pot to try again.

Also, Ahmed probably talks to a bunch of sketchy people trying to get the right ingredients. Dr Facilier, Nimueh, etc.

It starts with one tourist. One tourist raving on his cellphone in the taxi, and then it's the taxi drivers, and from there it's nearby office workers. It's gone on the New York foodie blogs long before then, of course, someone starts a hashtag channel on Twitter, and then eventually there's the TIME magazine mention in the "Top 10 secret places only the locals know about" or whatever.

"Christ," Anwar says, staring across the street from the cupcake truck at the mob lining up around the corner at Ahmed's cart. "The perfect garlic sauce. What is this, a movie?"

Then the reality tv crew shows up.

There's gotta be like a street food vendor council or something. The Arab mafia must totally have their fingers in the street food vendor pie.

Research! (bolds are mine)

From the New York Times:
"[...]spots are virtually owned by vendors who have worked them for decades; they are handed down within families and even sold on the black market.

“You can set your watch by it: park in a new spot, and within 15 minutes someone will come and check you out,” said Kim Ima, a former actress who owns the Treats Truck. Ms. Ima, one of the first upscale mobile vendors, had the tires of her truck slashed near her bakery soon after opening in 2007. “The street is like the playground when you’re a kid, and you have to learn your way around,” she said. “You have to learn where the sixth graders sit and where the dodgeball game is before you can safely sit and eat your lunch.” (!!)

Vendors say that the traditional code of the streets may be effective, but that it feeds on fear, intimidation and the city’s lack of enforcement of permit rules.

“It only works because everyone is a little bit in the wrong, and no one is 100 percent clean,” said Mr. Lao. “We can’t go through legal channels to resolve our disputes.” Mr. Lao was referring to the notorious black market in the food vendor permits issued by the city’s Department of Health. Most of the vendors interviewed would not talk publicly about the status of their permits. But several of them, asking not to be identified because of the dubious legality of the arrangements, said they had secured theirs by paying unauthorized “fixers” or by entering into partnerships with existing permit holders. A common form of retribution among vendors is to report one another to city authorities for permit violations."

I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. Haha, oh man thanks for the heads-up, this is DELIGHTFUL. Handed down within families!! The code of the street is to NOT SQUEAL TO THE PERMIT AUTHORITIES, because that is reserved as a form of punishment! No one's hands are cleeeaaan (because everyone's hands is smeared with sauce).

I hear the same thing about taxi permits, that because there are only a specified number of them allowed, they get traded around at ridiculous ridiculous prices. To be a taxi driver, you need some seroius start-up funds.

I should not have to carry a baseball bat on my truck in order to sell cupcakes.
*DIES*

"Put the bat down, Jim, you look like an ass," Bones says calmly.

"Yes, we will settle this in a gentlemanly fashion," Peter decides.

Edmund breathes a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're--"

"With a showdown at high noon!" Peter crows.

"--seeing reason. What?"

"Where?" Jim demands, pointing his bat at Peter's chest.

"IN THE PARK," Peter declares. "WEAPONS??"

"OUR BARE HAAAAANDS!!" says Jim.

Peter nods. "It is agreed."

"Let it be known: it is agreed!" Jim agrees.

"What just happened?" Edmund asks Bones.

Bones pinches the bridge of his nose. "A migraine."

Ahmed moves his family from their Queens apartment to one in the Lower East Side. He enrolls Mahmoud and Tatiana in a private school and, when he sees Ayesha pause and stare contemplatively at a pair of turquoise earrings at Nordstrom's, he buys them for her the next day.

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband?" she laughs when she unwraps them. She puts them on and strikes poses in front of the mirror and in front of Ahmed, asking, "Whatever happened to buying only necessities until the recession is over?"

"You let me worry about necessities, my love," says Ahmed, and Ayesha smiles with a brightness that he hasn't seen since before they left Sana'a.

When Ahmed goes off to peddle his gyros for the day, Ayesha sits in front of her dresser and looks at her reflection, then at the turquoise earrings glimmering in her hand like sunlight off the sides of skyscrapers. And she wonders.

"Well," Maxxie is saying into the camera, "you have to figure, you know, if dancing doesn't work out, then what is the next best thing? The obvious answer is cupcakes."

Anwar bumps him off the screen. "Don't listen to him, it's just that the dancing hasn't worked out yet."

"Yet," Maxxie agrees, shoving Anwar and grinning once more into the camera. "I've got an audition this weekend actually."

"He's been practicing nonstop!" Anwar says off-screen.

Maxxie beams. "Would you like to film my routine?"

I love you guys so much. <33333333333 this is FANTASTIC.

Two streets over, Jack Sparrow has blindfolded three operators from a different crew for the same show and is leading them in circles through two alleyways, an apartment building, and another alleyway before he gets to where the cart and a very bemused Will and Elizabeth are, busy making gyros. They're tucked into a bit of a nook this time, the better to avoid nosy health inspectors who should be taking their days off but aren't.

Jack turns the hapless crew members around three times, then says in an exaggerated whisper, "It's okay now, you can take the blindfolds off." When they do, he puts a finger to his lips with a conspiratorial wink.

"Jack? What are you doing?"

"Inducting these, the intrepid reporters, into the secret world of street vending, o' course. Very hush-hush investigative reporting, eh?"

"Um, we're just from the Food Network--"

"Shhhhh. Now, listen my dear little friends and listen well, because I'm about to tell you the story of..."

Spock actually stops working for a second when the news is broken to him. The potatoes bubble quietly.

"Am I correct when I say that you have just informed me that Jim has agreed to a duel of fisticuffs with Peter Pevensie tomorrow at noon?"

"For once we agree, elf-boy," Bones says, and hands Spock his flask.

Spock takes the thing but doesn't drink. "Respectfully, Bones, has Jim taken leave of his senses?"

Bones shrugs and takes the flask back. "It's Jim."

"As vague and meaningless as that statement is," Spock's eyebrows come down a fraction and he looks like he's dangerously close to physically sighing, "I find myself agreeing."

+

"I'm telling you Zuko, the spicier you make things, the more our customer base goes down. The salsa's already at 350k Scovilles, at this rate you'll be physically setting people's mouths on fire."

"I," Zuko draws himself up. "Am an upstanding member of the Fire Nation. I would be betraying myself and my honorable brotherhood of the streets if I were to give in to your demands. Besides, you're not giving New Yorkers enough credit, they'll eat anything."

Sokka scowled. "I'm telling Katara."

"And THAT," Jack grins with a wide gesture of his arms, "is how the magic happens. Abracadabra HOT DOG. Simsalabim CHEESE STEAK."

"But with less pigeon feathers," Will assures them.

"Pigeons are everywhere, eh?" Elizabeth says conspiratorially. "Rats of the city. So easy for one of them to just fly in the deep fryer."

"Happens all the time!" Will crows.

"All the time," Elizabeth nods.

They can't quite tell if the camerapeople are grinning or terrified.

Susan says, "Peter is doing what tomorrow?"

+

Uhura asks, "Why would Jim do that?"

+

Edmund shrugs. "You know how territorial he gets."

+

Bones replies, "Because I wouldn't let him beat Pevensie with a baseball bat."

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