The other characters keep saying he's broken all the time, but idk he doesn't seem anymore broken than any of the other characters.
Hmm, I never really considered this, but wow yeah I guess you're right? My theory is this: Dean sort of internalizes everything, like, not just that he represses, which he does, but even when he acknowledges that he has a lot of anger at John, he turns directs the anger towards himself because he thinks the things that are fundamental to himself are the things that are fundamental to his anger at John. Fundamental is a fun word to say, idk. But I mean, it's easy for anyone to see how fucked up that is, but you can't really convince someone else that they're worth anything; and even if you realize that you hate yourself kind of a lot, you can't really convince yourself to stop, especially if you think feelings are for girls. But Sam is sort of the inverse? He's a lot more openly emotional and shit, but he also externalizes all his anger; he blames John and demon's blood and whatever, and whether or not he believes it, Dean believes it because he doesn't want to acknowledge that Sam might be as deep-down fucked up as he is. But it's also like, if you blame all your cray-cray on external things, it begins to look a lot like trying to absolve yourself of responsibility, and that's not a kind of fucked up that it's easy to be sympathetic towards. And I guess the things that make them sort of tragic is similarly reciprocal? Like, Dean sort of knows exactly what he wants but isn't willing to believe that he deserves it, and Sam doesn't really know what the fuck he wants, but fucked if he isn't going to pursue it ruthlessly, and completely disregard the collateral damage. I freely admit that I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to Sam in the early seasons, but it feels like the writers never really knew where they were going with the character and that makes me kind of sad because I sort of want to know what the fuck is going on in that boy's head. Does he realize the extent to which he is becoming like John? How much does he examine himself and his principles, and how much are they just based on sort of simultaneously wanting and not wanting to be like Dean, and also wanting to piss Dean off? To what extent does he even conflate Dean and John? How much of himself does he consider to be completely separate from his family? It's obvious that he loves Dean beyond the telling of it, but it must be so irritating to deal with Dean's issues all the time. And vice versa! Back when I was randomly reading a lot of Wincest fic (don't judge me) I kept running across this "all Sam wants is to ~heal~ Dean" stuff, and I found that pretty lulzy, in a weirdly sweet kind of way. Strangely enough I tend to give this show credit for a level of sophistication in writing that I'm pretty sure doesn't actually exist, which is unusual for me, but I am coming from Merlin so. At least this show's self-conscious tragedy, I guess, for lack of a better word, is a welcome change from Merlin's being ridic cracky but also having a titular character who kills people for fun without acknowledging that that's kind of weird. I have no idea why I keep wanting to compose essays in your comments without the least provocation, dude. I need to stop this behavior.
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Hmm, I never really considered this, but wow yeah I guess you're right? My theory is this: Dean sort of internalizes everything, like, not just that he represses, which he does, but even when he acknowledges that he has a lot of anger at John, he turns directs the anger towards himself because he thinks the things that are fundamental to himself are the things that are fundamental to his anger at John. Fundamental is a fun word to say, idk. But I mean, it's easy for anyone to see how fucked up that is, but you can't really convince someone else that they're worth anything; and even if you realize that you hate yourself kind of a lot, you can't really convince yourself to stop, especially if you think feelings are for girls. But Sam is sort of the inverse? He's a lot more openly emotional and shit, but he also externalizes all his anger; he blames John and demon's blood and whatever, and whether or not he believes it, Dean believes it because he doesn't want to acknowledge that Sam might be as deep-down fucked up as he is. But it's also like, if you blame all your cray-cray on external things, it begins to look a lot like trying to absolve yourself of responsibility, and that's not a kind of fucked up that it's easy to be sympathetic towards. And I guess the things that make them sort of tragic is similarly reciprocal? Like, Dean sort of knows exactly what he wants but isn't willing to believe that he deserves it, and Sam doesn't really know what the fuck he wants, but fucked if he isn't going to pursue it ruthlessly, and completely disregard the collateral damage. I freely admit that I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to Sam in the early seasons, but it feels like the writers never really knew where they were going with the character and that makes me kind of sad because I sort of want to know what the fuck is going on in that boy's head. Does he realize the extent to which he is becoming like John? How much does he examine himself and his principles, and how much are they just based on sort of simultaneously wanting and not wanting to be like Dean, and also wanting to piss Dean off? To what extent does he even conflate Dean and John? How much of himself does he consider to be completely separate from his family? It's obvious that he loves Dean beyond the telling of it, but it must be so irritating to deal with Dean's issues all the time. And vice versa! Back when I was randomly reading a lot of Wincest fic (don't judge me) I kept running across this "all Sam wants is to ~heal~ Dean" stuff, and I found that pretty lulzy, in a weirdly sweet kind of way. Strangely enough I tend to give this show credit for a level of sophistication in writing that I'm pretty sure doesn't actually exist, which is unusual for me, but I am coming from Merlin so. At least this show's self-conscious tragedy, I guess, for lack of a better word, is a welcome change from Merlin's being ridic cracky but also having a titular character who kills people for fun without acknowledging that that's kind of weird. I have no idea why I keep wanting to compose essays in your comments without the least provocation, dude. I need to stop this behavior.