whynot | three is the number thou shalt count

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three is the number thou shalt count

1) My post after the next one is gonna be this journal's 500th. Woah? How shall I celebrate. Picspam? Commentficfest? Round-robin free-for-all?

2) Another thing I wrote for the Cas party: The Other Makes You Tall | SPN; Dean, Cas; PG13. Quoth the prompt, "5.04 'verse. The first time Castiel tries drugs after he's de-angeled doesn't go too well. Dean talks him down." ~653 words

3) Supernatural 5x16. My face through the whole episode was like D: .

+ IT WASN'T PERFECT UNTIL SHE DIEDfdjslkfjd

+ This episode both jossed AND kripked my 'Castiel finds God in Manila' WIP. Does fandom getting kripked happen so often because the show panders to us, or because we and the creators are cut out of the same dorky cloth?

+ There are only a few episodes to which I have flailingly reacted "OH SAAAAAM OH DEEEEAAAAN OH BROTHERRRRS" and this one has joined the ranks of that. The fireworks scene was rilly rilly sad omg, heeaaartbreaking. The look on Dean's FACE. Little Sam being all like THIS IS THE BEST. This is all Dean wants in life! (In death?) But what Sam wants is to live in a world of his own making, exerting independence. BUT JOHN'S NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU GOT AWAY FROM, SAM. And "Give me a minute," fjlkdsjfkld. AND MARY NEVER CUT SAM'S CRUSTS.

+ The AMULET and its CHAIN OF REJECTION. <3333333

+ I love how impatient Cas was. The apocalypse is still happening, he still hasn't found God, the Winchesters died AGAIN, and goddamn he has had it up to here. To HERE.

+ I want the episode coda where Castiel has an epic sulk somewhere terrible and beautiful where mortals/humans cannot go. On distant planets, floating through space, in the heart of suns, in complex dimensions, different divine planes; etc. Actually, you know where he was probably going at the end of this episode? To Scully. \o/

+ When Cas was emoing around the motel room at the end, do you think Dean was experiencing outsider POV to himself of years past, or deja vu because he saw Sam go through this before? Either way, it makes sense that it's Sam who reaches out to Cas. Dean's bought this t-shirt, and look where the hell it got him. He knows there's not much you can say or do when your foundations crumble. He and Cas have both just lost their last stable ground. Sam is still feeling guilty about how his idea of a good time is apparently abandoning the people he loves, so he's projecting onto Cas and reaching out. Yeah, nice try.

+ It's like the people Dean loves eventually become the Impala.

+ Highlarious 'Previously on', and excellent lead-in to the title!

+ HEAVEN IS THE MATRIX, right down to the brick in the windows. Haha, oh SHOW.

+ Everybody leaves Dean. ...Except Cas? Well, SO FAR. If there was ever a fork in the road and one of the paths leads to Croatverse Cas, here's one of the milestones. I guess Croatverse Cas stays with Dean though, for better and worse.

+ Zach was such a delightful Bond villain, yaaaay. HE IS PETTY. <3

+ Much like Mufasa, God wants Sam and Dean to remember. I WONDER WHO'LL PLAY GOD WHEN HE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP.

+ "We got Ash killed too." / "I'm cool with it!" / "He's cool with it."
"I don't wanna be a downer, but I'm sure I will see you again soon."

+ lol awkward lingering camera shot of soulmatery

+ Sam's resurrection gasp is the hilariousest.

+ Here is Edmond Jabès writing about Castiel: "For those who are in love with the absolute, obsessed by eternity, turning to God to adore or destroy Him means reaching the depth of human anguish. For we are desperately driven to claim responsibility for the death of God in order to love Him more than ourselves, against ourselves. A great love carries within it a mourning for love."

This episode just twisted and twisted the knife. I cannot wait to see where these characters are going.

ETA: 4) I'm having trouble with this 3800-word fic about Cas and Becky hanging out. Anyone wanna look it over and give some input?

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Word to everything. Also, I totally reacted to the gun merging into the titlecard with a gasp of impressed excitement! UH.

I saw you prompted on the commentmeme with that last quote. It's got me thinking!

I have so many thinky thoughts after this episode that I'm losing them from moment to moment, which means I might have to spend the day writing meta and codas and otherwise wasting a beautiful Saturday.

IKR? Best titlecard, next to Very Supernatural Christmas.

This is like one of those episodes that practically begs for codas, I am not entirely sure where to begin or even if I want to because then I might never stop.

"We got Ash killed too." / "I'm cool with it!" / "He's cool with it."
"I don't wanna be a downer, but I'm sure I will see you again soon."

I WAS SO HAPPY THAT ASH WAS IN THIS EPISODE, I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN. ASH WAS THE COOLEST. And he is apparently still the coolest! And he will probably see them again soon. They DO die a lot. I am only upset that he hasn't found Ellen and Jo yet. I WANT MORE JO ON MY TEEVEE, DAMN IT. And JDM, but that obviously isn't going to happen now, due to his dubious success as a film star. I saw a trailer for some movie he's in where he is going to blow up some stuff and have sex with Zoe Saldana?

ETA: ALSO FOR THE RECORD I LIKE YOUNG MARY SO MUCH BETTER THAN OLDER MARY.

Edited 2010-04-03 19:16 (UTC)

THE DOCTOR IS IN

Hee, yes, The Losers? My friend and I are gonna see that for the sole purpose of trying to figure out what John Winchester's cunning plan is going undercover with these people.

Hands-down, young Mary has the best hair in all of Show.

Young Mary is like this crazy combination of adorable-girl-next-door-who-marries-young-and-probably-bakes-apple-pie and girl-who-kicks-your-ass-in-a-dark-alley. With awesome hair.

You know I agree creepily with everything and am writing epic Cas sulkage, right? \m/

Epic Cas sulkage for the motherfucking wiiiiin \o/

I'm trying to resist writing a Castiel/Scully 5x16 coda. YOU GOT THAT COVERED TOO, RIGHT?

I agree with most everything, except your reading of Sam. His idea of happiness is not abandoning the people he loves; that's a totally unfair analysis, IMHO. The abandonment is there and I totally agree that he was selfish -- although he was a child those first two memories, so of course he was self-centered, that's how kids ARE, right? Although he should have figured out how his actions affected Dean before this, granted, as he is an adult NOW. But the abandonment is a side effect of what happiness is for him: independence. And I'd have to argue that he totally has a right to that happiness, even if it hurts people who love him sometimes. That is what growing up is all about.

And that is what Dean doesn't GET, because I think it is arguable to say that Dean never really got a chance to grow up and claim his own identity - let's face it, Dean's ideas of "being a man" are based on his father's militia-style parenting and late night movie reruns on hotel televisions (and, ah, porn! heheh). I think the tragic part of Dean's memories are how his happiness is entirely dependent on other people - making Sam happy, giving his mother the unconditional love she did not get from John. The result is that he needs Sam to love him on his own terms, which isn't fair to Sam. Isn't very fair to Dean, either, because if he doesn't figure out that happiness comes from within, he will continue to live a terribly disappointed life.

I'm curious at how the Croatverse fits in here, now; we still have Detroit coming up, but at this point it is Sam, not Dean, who is damned and determined that they will remain together throughout this (and how much do I love that reversal? Clever, Kripke! Damned clever!). Yeah, disillusioned Cas does fit that future, but not in the disappearing on Dean part. *frowns*

My own pet theory (and be aware that my pet theories are NOTORIOUSLY WRONG! lol!) is that Michael orchestrated the whole Heavenly visit to break Dean, specifically. Bonus for getting both him and Cas to chuck the amulet, because if what Joshua told them is wrong (that is, it's Michael talking to him, not God), then the amulet is STILL the way to find God. It just seems everything needed to BREAK DEAN INTO A THOUSAND PIECES all happened within the span of the last three episodes.

...or am I just being paranoid?

lol I actually have a lot of sympathy for Sam in this episode, so I get that the abandoning is just a side effect of independence. My 'judgment' is Sam having empathy for Dean but not really knowing what to do about it. Because what can he do? What can either of them do? They've seen each other's heavens, and they're both laid bare before each other in a way they've never before. Sam's feeling a little guilty, so he projects onto Cas, and is all "let's kill the devil together!" because if he can't make things up to his brother, if Sam can't change the past for him (and, as you say, why should he? Sam deserves that pursuit of independence), then at the very least he can change the future with him. But Dean, in typical fashion, thinks it is kinda a day late and a dollar short.

I dunno if croatverse is still on the agenda anymore. I'm still not sure whether 5x04 was future or AU. Zach seems to be quite fond of his AUs. What I would really love to see over the next couple of episodes is Cas's disillusionment reminding Dean of 5x04, and then for Dean to seize onto it and try to turn snap Cas out of it 'cos that's one fork further in the road from croatverse. Then Dean can do some projecting of his own, for the melodramz.

The whole God thing is so suspiciously and annoyingly off-screen. This shouldn't be the last we hear of the God problem, but I wouldn't put it past the show for it to be.

My 'judgment' is Sam having empathy for Dean but not really knowing what to do about it

Yeahhhhh, I get that, I really do. Because there is no figuring this out for him, by Sam or Cas or anyone - Dean has to get it for himself. :( Although I selflessly volunteer to cuddle him until he does. *cough*

I like your pointing out that Sam's efforts to change the future are in part because he can't change the past; I think that is a very true-to-Sam reaction.

Zach seems to be quite fond of his AUs.
*nods* He's Becky's BIGGEST and BESTEST fan! (...now I want that as fic...damnit)

Oh, that fucked up God question; I'll give Kripke props, he has a way of both feeding into our expectations while subverting them at the same time. Killing Dean at the end of season three was a master stroke; I mean, everyone was so convinced they'd find a way around it, but they didn't. So...yeah, this should NOT be the last we hear of the God problem, but if it is indeed Michael pulling all the strings, it might be. bah.

He's Becky's BIGGEST and BESTEST fan! (...now I want that as fic...damnit)
The hilarity quotient would be out of this world! My kingdom to know the contents of Zach's LJ.

I reckon Michael would be pulling some of the strings, which is why a confrontation between God and Michael would be especially awes.

Someone really, really needs to screen capture Zach's LJ! :)

...a confrontation between God and Michael would be especially awes.
And if God is JDM, and Michael might perchance be Matt Cohen, one would hope there might a some serious spanking involved. *flees*

On that note, has fandom churned out older!John/younger!John fic yet?

*is aghast* Surely not! Such travesty cannot even be contemplated! Oh, the HORROR!

(I'll check with Candesgirl, she'll know...)

Cas on drugs is awesome. There needs to be more Cas on drugs in my life.

lol, then pls to be reading the majority of 5x04 episode tags!

absurdly wonderful and HEARTBREAKING. D:

ALL SO DOOMED.

DOOOOOOooOOOOooOOoOmed. It's like yeah eventually I will get around to reading all the codas that this episode obviously needs, but do I need my heart crushed again? Decisions!

5x16 is on the list of things I'm just getting back to and thinking thinky thoughts about.

what specifically I'm thinking thinky thoughts about is the use of different viewpoints in SPN, dating all the way back to "Skin" (1x06). How they view their history differently because they're different people, how everyone has a different grasp of events. Like in Skin, when Sam never even realized that Dean might have wanted to get out too. And then in Home, that offhand comment when Dean mentions how he carried Sam out and Sam says he never knew that. and then the with-holding of information later, by both Sam and Dean, and then in this episode how their memories differ because Dean has spent his entire goddamn life wrapped up in Sam and making Sam happy, and Sam has spent his life hating their life with an intensity that even though he loves Dean, he can't wait to get away. and they both have totally valid viewpoints, but they are different!

and I'm not even sure what I am trying to get across with this ramblingness, but I think I had a point somewhere about how information and words are SUCH important things on this show and I cannot even begin to say how much that makes me happyyyyy.

Y'know how Sera Gamble said that SPN is about the epic love story of Sam and Dean? Uh, I think it's more about the epic love Dean has for Sam, just because the show has stopped investing itself in Sam's POV long ago. It's probably one of the reasons why Cas saying "Sam Winchester is my friend" feels like it's out of the blue because, uh, when did that happen? It's like after a while Sam is little more than the plot device that propels Dean forward; like if you want to have Dean advance the plot dramatically, fuck with Sam. COME ON SAM I KNOW YOU CAN BE MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS. D:

Sam was great in this episode though, and I totally feel for him. I was reading a fic with this line that I think describes the Winchesters perfectly: they love each other the most, but not wisely enough.

it IS slanting very much towards Dean, which is kind of sad. although in the early two seasons it was slanted very much towards Sam - buuuut I WANT MORE SAMMY BEING AWESOME because Jared Padalecki is like A VERY LARGE PUPPY. SO ADORABLE. and Sam is just awesome!

I think I was originally a Dean-girl, and sometime during the end of Season 4 I became a Team Free Will girl. I probably love Castiel the most, and then Sam might just edge out Dean because he does not frequently say "bitch" and be pretty misogynistic.

OH WINCHESTERS.

Dean being happiest when he's making other people happy. Sam trying to hide that leaving for Stanford is a happy memory because he knows how much it hurts Dean. Cas being so sad he loses the ability to punctuate. TWIST THE KNIFE A LITTLE MORE PLEASE, SHOW.

& I still want to read about Cas finding God in Manila!

I LOVE WHEN THEY TWIST THAT KNIFE, OH GOSH, SO MUCH. Except for Jus In Bello, that was one knife-twisting I did not enjoy :(

My god seems to hold many similar opinions and habits as the SPN god, so maaaaybe I can tweak it into not being jossed. Hmm, we'll see!

I love how impatient Cas was. The apocalypse is still happening, he still hasn't found God, the Winchesters died AGAIN, and goddamn he has had it up to here. To HERE.

Lolz, that's a perfect description! I hadn't even really noticed that.

I also really liked Mo Ryan's take on the episode: "Poor God. Somebody needs a spa day." Hahaha. (You can read the article here>> http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/entertainment_tv/2010/04/supernatural-dark-side-moon-cw.html )

But jeez, this episode just killed me. By the end of it I was in desperate need of a hug.

I want the episode coda where Castiel has an epic sulk somewhere terrible and beautiful where mortals/humans cannot go.

Okay, so maybe it's not Mars, but this fic immediately came to mind when I read that: http://phate-phoenix.livejournal.com/29045.html

Pretty good, right?

But it wasn't until I read this one that I really felt better: http://hereare-mysins.livejournal.com/58998.html

Hugs all around!

This episode was sweet, sweet death. I love it. Hey, thanks for the recs!

No problem! After all, who doesn't like more fics. :)

...did you get the relevance of the soul mate thing? I did not.

I'm not entirely sure what the soulmates thing was about outside of something to keep the Wincest fans happy. The lingering camera shot seems to imply that Dean and/or Sam expect to be each other's soulmates, but now that it's revealed that they're not, it's awkward and sad? Their heavens would probably differ based on when they die, though. What their worldview is at the time they bite the dust.

+ It's like the people Dean loves eventually become the Impala.

I DIED OF LAUGHTER. DIED OF LAUGHTER. I want to save this and remember it forever.

I bet Croatverse Cas staying with Dean isn't really Cas staying with Dean. Cos it isn't the same Dean. And it isn't the same Cas. They feel abandoned by each other but also like they're all they've got left. D:

FIREWORKS SCENE. HOW LONG SINCE DEAN'S BEEN THAT HAPPY. MULTIPLE FUCKING LIVES.

(tell me that if this is one of the "SAAAAM DEEEAN BROTHERRRRS" eps, 5.18 is that way too, because oh my god the whole ep that's what I was saying!)

Croatverse Cas is a Cas twisted by humanity, or at least by his resentment of his humanity. CROATVERSE OH MAN. I have a fic I want about Cas and Becky in Chitaqua, but I dunno if I wanna write it or request it for Casfest. Hmm.

Yanno what, people tell me that 5x18 is a SAM DEAN BROTHERS episode and I think this is true, but I can't hear much of it over the sound of gratuitous Dean/Cas eyefuckery.

CROATVERSE. I just finished the finale (I CANNOT TALK ABOUT IT, THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO DIE) and so I made the promise to a friend to only write happy fic because we need the healing. But otherwise I would totes write croatverse stuff. imaginably, the guerrilla lifestyle is a great life, except when you are as desperate and lost as those guys. Cas and Becky in Chitaqua sounds GREAT, I would love to read it, even if you didn't write it (but mostly if you wrote it <3)

Yeah you are right about that, that ep was full of gratuitous shipping ("erotically codependent" I mean seriously. plus Dean's "blow me" and "last person who looked at me like that got laid" remarks to Cas). It was the 100th ep, right? I think Kripke made it like a birthday present. An anniversary. A centennial. All the fan service fans want plus the angst plus super fuckin awesome action. The end was the best for the brothers - Sam will not let Dean leave. We know Sam can't leave Dean because it is an emotional crime, but Dean leaving Sam? Sam will not let him. And Sam won't leave him behind again either. And Dean's reaction to Sam's trust is fantastic incredible heartwarming <33333

XD Writing only happy fic?! What is that noise. Haha oh man there have been soooo many finale fix-its already. sawedoff_recs recced a bunch of codas lately! As for me, I feel the finale has got me in such a tizzy that I kinda wanna retreat back into croatverse to lick my wounds because at least I understand croatverse. WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE CROATVERSE <33

All the fan service fans want plus the angst plus super fuckin awesome action.
THIS. A couple of flisters predicted 5x18 would generate as much fic as 5x04 because it was so mindblowing, but there isn't actually THAT much, which is unsurprising because 5x18 was so satisfying already.

I've been scribbling in my notebook some 1) Smith/Wesson R-rated AU that we've been discussing, and 2) post-5x22 fic in which Castiel is leading the revolution to take heaven back from Raphael and/or anarchy. Castroiel, basically? I envision a "here comes new boss, same as old boss" storyline for this one. I would that I blab about this latter one to you, as you are knowledgeable about such things! Maybe Anna can be his Che.

I need a break from sad SPN :( kinda want to regress to season 1 or something. read fluff for a week. but you are right, croatverse makes sense and I feel comfortable exploring there even though the end of it is still absofuckinlutely awful.

true true about 5.18 and no fic! except for the Cas boxcutter sigil thing, because that was hot enough to merit offscreen treatment obviously.

CASTROIEL
XD
crazyyyyy! oh man, new-boss-same-as-the-old-boss is a sad storyline for Cas to have :(
ANNA IS TOTALLY HIS CHE she is nuts and radical and ends up dying in the field - on a pretty hopeless mission, too, heh. I would love you to blab to me about that. Yeah oh man, him and Raphael fighting it out about who gets to be the successor to Heaven ~~now that Batista has fallen~~!

You know what is funny, is I am reading a book called 'The Impossible Country' by Brian Hall about the break-up of Yugoslavia, so it's talking about Serbs, Slovenes, and CROATS and I'm like !!! ZOMBIES CAUSED THE DOWNFALL OF YUGOSLAVIA, lololol except not because Yugoslavia was some fucked up situation. I might've mentioned this book previously. I've actually been reading this book in increments for like MONTHS, but now I get to sit down plow through it and it's awesome. Brian Hall writes in a light, intelligent, and anecdotal style, really wonderful at capturing characters and making social commentary. I sense a little arrogance from him maybe? A post-doc who studied Central Europe said she didn't like the book because it was elementary, but for someone like me who ISN'T doing a post-doc on Central Europe, it is an engrossing enough read to get me interested in the situation at least. I'M SORRY FOR EQUATING YOU WITH ZOMBIES, PEOPLE OF CROATIA. I have seen a couple of fics spell it as crotes.

I have read a few boxcutter codas. The one 5x18 coda that really sticks with me is this one (http://haruslex.livejournal.com/8342.html). Actually haruslex has written some of my favorite SPN fics recently, including a House/SPN crossover in which Cas n House r frenz. I think I'm gonna do another SPN recs post in celebration(??) of finale, and at least 3 of her recent fics are gonna be on it hahaha (Sabbatical, Life with the dull bits cut out, and Reader Response).

YAY AWESOME, I will type up my notes and email them to you. I kinda wanna start babbling about it now but I will save that for the email zomg cannot wait.

CROATS OH NO
now I feel like a bad person. I know a Serbian guy who gets all passionate about Balkan nationalist politics. Better not accidentally say croats around him.
the title of that book sound so you :D and so like something I'd love to read too. If his style is like you say I'm really attracted to the book; I could use something that's not dense awful academia.
Crotes... looks weird. I think the clearest way is just to call them Croatoans?

I would love another recs post. I am trying to reconcile myself slowly with spn again, because I do not want to quit fic or my playlists. I would trust you to rec things that treat these subjects with care and thoughtfulness. :) or just go cracktastic with all that, I'm okay with that too sometimes.

Here's what the book taught me. The Croats and the Serbs hate each other, the former has a reputation for being Slytherin, and the latter for being a Gryffinpuff. (stop being relevant to everything, harry potter D:) And then there are the Slovenes and the Muslims and et cetera, omg, there are bunches. And they all hate each other, is my oversimplification! I would definitely recommend the book to you, I think you would enjoy it. I remember starting to read this back when I was still neck-deep in Narnia, and I was underlining the parts I wanted to crib for Narnia worldbuilding. XD

Yeah man, I want me some good ol' early S5 fic, newly fallen Cas and his God search, and Dean and Sam still tender from everything. Weirdly (or not), I am not all about the crack in SPN fandom. In Merlin yeah, because I am all about the lulz there. But SPN is more ~*srs bsns*~ to me, as evidenced by how I don't even like AUs that much either. Well, in-universe AUs are okay, but ones where they're rock stars or marine biologists don't appeal.

Funny because the Serb I know would be a Slytherpuff. Does this make sense? I know the guy and it does. WEIRD. I will put this book on my list :D I know far too little about that region's history at the very least.

True. For me SPN crack has to be canon-certified crack like Smith and Wesson or Bad Day At Black Rock or Mystery Spot. Or, you know, in the guise of case fic. There are too many in-universe opportunities for crack for me to be caught up in crack AUs about rock stars or highschool. Merlin was made for AUs and I love it. but SPN was not.

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traveling back in tiiiime

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