whynot: etc: oh deer (i'll stop the world)
Las ([personal profile] whynot) wrote2010-03-08 04:35 pm

wherein the "rehymenated" line would actually make sense

Happy International Women's Day, everwun! This totally gives me an excuse to procrastinate my collaborations and celebrate the day with genderbending Supernatural! What happens when you give ladies manpain? According to TV execs, the world may never know. Fandom begs to differ!

I heart Supernatural an effing lot, but here is another show I would watch.


Dean Winchester
Diana "Dee" Winchester (Katee Sackhoff)

And Sam says okay I'll see you around, and Dee tells her not to spend all her time in the library. Live a little, she says, and Sam just gives her a small smile. Dee shoves her hands in her pockets and watches her sister disappear into the dorm, swallowed up by the bustle of freshmen and families, by another life.

It's gonna be weird, just her and Mom. As annoying as Sam is, she's a Winchester. She can hunt with the best of them, and she's trading bullets for books. It's kinda fucked up, Dee thinks.

Her cellphone rings and it's Mom, already in La Honda. "I need you to bring more salt," Mom says, "and a silver knife, consecrated."

Dee is on her way.


Sam Winchester
Samantha Winchester (Evangeline Lilly)

"It's just like the good old days, huh, Sam?" Dee grins, keeping her eyes on the road when she clasps Sam's shoulder.

Sam doesn't say anything, because the good old days never included a dead boyfriend and a missing mother. Something heated and sharp had squeezed Sam's heart when she realized that in the end she was gonna go with Dee, again. Maybe, she thinks resignedly, she will always go with Dee. Sam climbed into the Impala and felt like she couldn't breathe, Styx blaring in her ears as they leave the west behind.

Dee pops AC/DC into the tape deck, but Sam pops it back out again. They exchange glances in the rearview mirror, and Dee says, "Bitch," and Sam says, "Jerk," but Dee doesn't put anymore tapes in and lets the silence weigh heavy on them both.


John Winchester
Jane Winchester (Jodie Foster)

It's Dee's turn to get the take-out, so Jane finds herself alone in a room with her youngest daughter for the first time in years. She's glad the television's already on; they can both pretend they like The Wonder Years.

But then Sam says, "You know..."

Jane looks over, cautious with hope.

"It occurred to me," Sam muses, watching Fred Savage be awkward on screen, "back when I thought I was gonna be a lawyer. I thought, one day I might have to be a lawyer for you, sometimes."

Jane swallows. "Sam--"

"And then I wondered to myself," Sam says, "how often can I use the insanity defense anyway?"

She smiles tentatively at her mother, and Jane throws back her head and laughs. It is a broad full-bodied laughter, shot through with relief and surprise and a stupid hopeless love. Sam laughs too, and god, what a wonderful sound. Jane loves her kids. So help her god, she loves her girls so fucking much and she thinks that once this is over, once they get that yellow-eyed bitch, Jane is going to do right by them. She will make it okay.


Bobby Singer
Bobbie Singer (Gina Torres)

After Jane died, Bobbie shepherded Sam and Dee back up to South Dakota, where she made them hot food and gave them whiskey and let them put themselves back together. Dee would disappear all day into the jungle of dead jalopies to work on the Impala, and Sam shuffles around Bobbie's library like a zombie who goes "booooooks" instead of "braaaaiiiins".

"It's almost dinnertime," she says to Sam, who's curled up under a blanket, nose-deep in some ancient tome. "Go get your sister."

"She doesn't wanna eat," Sam mumbles.

"I didn't ask you if she wanted to eat, I told you to get your sister."

Sam raises her eyebrows, and god, it's the same look Jane used to give her when Bobbie informed her in no uncertain terms that her plan was stupid. Yeah, Bobbie has seen that look a lot.

"She'll just yell at me again," Sam says.

"You can get yelled at by your sister, or you can get yelled at by me," Bobbie shrugs. "Either way, it seems you're getting yelled at, so make a choice."

With a put-upon, long-suffering sigh, Sam puts the book aside and pushes her self to her feet, stretching as she slips into her sandals and heads for the door.

Bobbie shakes her head and goes back to the kitchen. "Idiots," she mutters.


Ellen and Jo Harvelle
Eddie and Joe Harvelle (Hugh Laurie & Chris Pine)


"Do you know them, son?" Eddie asks, looking out the window as he arms his rifle. The two women hover by their car and stare at the Roadhouse hesitantly.

Joe shakes his head. "Nope. Nice car though, huh?"

Eddie gives him a Look.

"Just saying," Joe mutters.

"Okay, they're coming in," Eddie hisses. "Get you and your gun out of sight. Let's see what these bitches want."


Ruby
Rufio (Milo Ventimiglia)

(lol omg what the hell is this picture)

Sam raises her head in the gloom of the room, and the flickering streetlight from outside falls through the window and across her face, her blood-stained mouth.

"You're beautiful like this," Rufio murmurs, lifting a hand to touch her cheek but Sam only flinches away, which is maybe only to be expected.

"I'm just doing this for Lilith," Sam says tightly. "This is only for the end of the world."

And Rufio laughs. "Of course it is, sweetheart. Of course."

He lets her drink from him, smiles at her stifled moans, and when she has had her fill, Rufio flips them over. He wills his wound to close and brushes his lips against her ear, whispering, "We'll stop them all."

She closes her eyes, and he tastes his own blood on her lips.


Castiel (Milla Jovovich)

The Impala is confining, to say the least, and Castiel wonders if she has become too used to letting the hunter get her way. Dee responds to Castiel's repeated "we're wasting time!" with "at least this way no one gets constipation". Still, when they are on deserted stretches of highway, Castiel notices Dee speeds up.

"So how do you wanna play this?" Dee asks when they approach the Maine border. "Good cop, bad cop? Good human, bad angel? You know I love it when you get your smite on, Cas."

Castiel frowns. "We will avoid smiting."

"Right.. I guess you and Raphael had that smite-off already."

"Yes," she agrees.

Dee tucks her bangs behind her ear, something she does only when she feels anxiety. "Cas, are you...?"

"What?"

She hesitates. "Nothing," Dee decides. "Just promise me you'll be careful, okay?"

Castiel replies, "I'm always careful."

"No," Dee says, tight-lipped. "You're not."


Chuck Shurley
Charlene "Charlie" Manokaran (Mindy Kaling)

Sometimes she thinks she should've become a doctor like her mother wanted, or an engineer like her father wanted, but it's not her fault if she has a gift for writing. It's also not her fault if she's a Prophet of the Lord. Charlie is still mulling over how she's gonna break that to the 'rents. They're pretty Christian; they'd totally be happy, right? Right?

Ugh. This blows.

Charlie just moved in to this new apartment in this new town and she knows no one here, so she does what she does best when she's drunk and lonely and, oh yeah, why don't we add scared out of her mind because Samantha Winchester jumpstarted the apocalypse. Why don't we add that to the list.

She signs in to her sock-puppet account and starts trolling the MoreThanSisters.com message boards, smiling grimly to herself.


Becky Rosen
Ben Rosen (Dominic Monaghan)

"Oh my god, you're like hotter than the last time I saw you," Ben blurts out. "I didn't think that was like possible."

"Um, thanks," Sam says. "I guess."

Behind her, Dee rolls her eyes.

"Look, Ben, I need your help," Sam says, and she even smiles at him. Fuck, he can get a hard-on just staring at that smile. Yeah, those smiling lips. Those lips that can wrap around his-- "...you listening to me? Ben! Hey!"

"What?" Ben blinks. "Huh?"

Dee laughs.


Zachariah and Uriel
Zachariel and Uriel (Cristine Rose and Emma Thompson)

What is it about humans? How are they so stubborn? Why do they refuse to learn? Even after that hellish vision of the future, Dee spits in her face, but just as Zachariel closes in on her again, Dee disappears from the motel room.

Castiel, Zachariel thinks angrily, and curses the name.

If Uriel were here, she would want to go after them, hunt Castiel down and finish her once and for all. Uriel has always been brash. It is why she is dead.

No matter. The Michael Sword will come around soon enough. Now is the time to regroup, to be patient. To have faith, as it were.

Zachariel spreads her wings and slips behind a shadow, and the motel room is empty once more.


Gabriel (Salma Hayek)

When they kill Anael, Gabriel feels it in the threads of her being, but she doesn't have the energy to mourn her brother, not anymore. There are too many fallen. An angel can only take so much.

What will she do with herself, she muses, when the world finally ends? Will she stay and try a family reunion on for size? Will she leave for the next cosmos? Gabriel is under no illusions that a fresh start will cure discord among the angels. They're a querulous lot, and she should know. They'll find something else to shit on each other about, and Gabriel, like her family, is tired. She just wants to go home, but unlike Raphael, she knows that home is just a dream, intangible, like the memory of her Father, so far from them now, as alone as His children and as lost.

Fuck this shit, she thinks.

Gabriel takes another bite out of her Twix bar, and wonders who will win the war.


Lucifer (Elizabeth Mitchell)

"You can end it, Sam," Lucifer says softly, cupping Sam's tear-stained face. "It can stop right here and now. Say yes."

Sam looks away, choking on a sob.

"Say yes, Sam."

"Dee--"

"Is not here," Lucifer says. "Sam. Look at me."

And she does, because Samantha Winchester is not a coward, and Lucifer is proud of that.

"Say yes," Lucifer whispers, as around them the flames reach higher towards the sky.


ETA: I forgot to recast some people the first time around (namely young Mary, older Mary, younger John, Ash, Bela, Anna), so I've done that in this post. Pictures included, but no fic snippets. For now. ;)

[identity profile] shantirosa.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 09:49 pm (UTC)(link)
When I stop screaming with glee I will be sure to leave coherent feedback.

[identity profile] xaara.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh. Wow. I want to live in this universe. I love your recasting of Charlene and Bobbie (Gina Torres would be hot even in a trucker hat), and of course Team Free Will. And Lucifer--she'd be awesome as Lucifer.

Agh, the plot bunnies, they are chasing me.

And y'know, technically, you could recast Lucifer on-show. Just saying, CW, just saying.

[identity profile] lexhibition.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Image


This is awesome. Except for Bobbie. Because, dammit, I'm not sure I'd be able to resist Bobby/Dean porn and that would just be all kinds of wrong. But I'd definitely watch this show.

[identity profile] mumblemutter.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Holy fucking shit I'd watch this show so hard.

SO HARD.

[identity profile] shantirosa.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
So, so, I'd still be all ♥ at Wincest. GOOD TO KNOW. But now I'm also incoherent over Sam/Lucifer. *facepalms* unf unf

Your casting choices are AWESOME. I approve entirely.
ext_80109: (Narnia: Susan: fire at will)

[identity profile] be-themoon.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
WOULD WATCH. SO MUCH.

[identity profile] lovestories.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude. DUDE. DUDE.

THIS IS SO PERFECT, I CANNOT EVEN (also, what is it about my f-list making me fall in love with Supernatural all over again, huh? WHAT IS THAT?). My favorite casting thingers were Evangeline Lilly as Sam, Elizabeth Mitchell as Lucifer (!!!) and Milo as Ruby. HOT DAMN. OH, OH, ALSO CHRIS PINE AS JO. OH MY LORDDDDD. Now I want to go and recast my favorite television shows. Thanks a lot.

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Hurrah! I have a soft spot for Sam/Lucifer, I will admit.

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Me toooo. Mindy Kaling would totes have the snark and comedic timing to pull off Chuck, I think she'd rock it.

Ooh, tell me about your plot bunnies!

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Awesome picture, omg.

AHAHA BOBBY/DEAN OH LORD. I think in genderbent!SPN fandom, there would be more shippy Bobbie fics. I mean, look at her! Good goddamn.

[identity profile] lexhibition.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 11:28 pm (UTC)(link)
She would be the fandom bicycle! (And there's probably a bad taste wheelchair joke in there somewhere...)

[identity profile] lazaefair.livejournal.com 2010-03-08 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I just exploded from awesomeness. The minute I saw you'd cast Katee Sackhoff (professional badass) as Dean, was when I knew you had a good thing going.

[identity profile] miakun.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
I WOULD WATCH THIS SHOW. DAMMIT.

[identity profile] cherryshadowz.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 01:17 am (UTC)(link)
You are glorious and I may be in love with you. I love the casting as well, (ngl C.P as Jo...I'd be all up on that!) Lucifer, Becky and Castiel were beyond perfection. Mostly I want to flail over Castiel because UNF YES! YES!

I'm...just gonna go over here and flail.FLAIL~!!

[identity profile] earis.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 02:03 am (UTC)(link)
OMG I LOVE IT ALL SO HARD.

(esp Chris Pine as Jo and Gina Torres as Bobby. Oh! And Elizabeth Mitchell as Lucifer.)
ext_2135: narnia: home sweet home (soraki) (well behaved women (girlyb_icons))

[identity profile] bedlamsbard.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
EEEE THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. Except there is a little "x" in a box instead of Jane. *pouts*
Edited 2010-03-09 02:31 (UTC)
yue_ix: Text: "Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would be king of ENGLAND" (HIT IT)

[personal profile] yue_ix 2010-03-09 02:38 am (UTC)(link)
Here now, if the show looked like any of that, you can bet I'd have watched it already. Because, HOT. I'd also ship everyone and everyone, and would re-gender all Dean/Castiel I've read.

[identity profile] xaara.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
[Heh, so when I started writing this, I figured it'd be maybe 250 words or so. Oops.]

For some reason, gender!swap SPN is set in my head to Ha Ha Tonka's "Close Every Valve to Your Bleeding Heart":

Sam has scrubbed her hair over and over, scratching at her scalp until the water burns. She can still smell it: the chemical curl of burning polyester, the lush scent of smoldering flesh. Jess's ashes like snow settling in her eyelashes, his face terrible with pain.

"Hey, Sammy," says Dee from outside the bathroom door. "Come on, we've got work to do."

Sam shuts off the shower and twists her hair up in a towel. She studies the lines of her face in the mirror, the deep purple beneath her eyes, and smudges just enough concealer to convince Dee she's slept.

When she opens the door, Dee is standing there, outfit and towel draped over an arm. "Jesus, what are you, getting ready for the prom?." She walks into the fog of the bathroom and shouts, "Half-hour, and we'll get some breakfast" through the closing door.

Sam combs her hair back into a braid. She tries not to think about the way Jess loved running his fingers through it, the way he sometimes fisted a hand at the nape of her neck and played for control, though she knew she'd have him gasping her name inside of five minutes. Instead, she thinks of her sister, all soft curves over steel edges. Edges kept honed against the dulling passage of time, hands long and thin and ingrained with grease and love. So unlike Jess's, which were strong but imprecise, unweathered.

When Dee comes out of the bathroom and finds Sam sitting on the edge of the bed, her braid cut and fraying on the mattress, she doesn't say anything, just packs her sister's clothes and guides her to the car.

--

It's three weeks later by the time Sam realizes there's something wrong. Something missing. She closes the door in the filthy truckstop bathroom and checks to be sure, but she's always had twelve hours of cramps in warning before. Nothing.

Stress, she tells herself, It's just the stress and not eating right. Hunting again, that's gotta be a strain on your body.

Still, she catalogs everything. The eggs at the diner make her stomach turn. (Didn't they always?) She has a headache, unexplained, late in the afternoon. (She hasn't had any water for hours.) Her breasts ache and ache. (Figures, doing this job in a lousy bra, the number of times she's been flung into the ground or a wall.)

"What's with you lately?" Dee asks, pitching her voice to carry over the Heart album she's blasting.

"Nothing."

"I mean, you seem.... I dunno. You need anything?"

In answer, Sam reaches over and turns up the song (all they can pull is bad news in tonight) and looks out the window, even when she feels Dee's eyes like a sunburn on her neck.

--

Dee pulls the kid out of the lake and they drive for a long while in silence before Sam says, "Sorry."

"For what?"

"Acting like a jerk."

"Yeah, well," says Dee affectionately, and "Fuck, I need a beer. You need a beer?"

Sam smiles, the expression stretching dormant muscles. "I could use a soda," she says. Tries to pitch it as casually as possible, but Dee shoots her a look and raises an eyebrow.

"What, Sammy, not going all girly on me, are you?"

[identity profile] xaara.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
She sits at the bar, sipping a soda water with a splash of bitters. The bartender had smiled at her order but poured it without comment, for which Sam tipped her two dollars.

In the corner, Dee is convincing a man in flannel and denim to teach her the mysteries of pool. She's liquid as the smoke that curls from ashtrays along the bar. Sam concentrates on her, on her mercurial beauty, and doesn't think about how Jess baked cookies, that last night, the one recipe he'd managed to make consistently without incident. No. Dee. Her hair dyed blue by the flashing neons behind her, advertising some local beer Sam's never heard of. Her eyes dark as she flutters eyelashes and twists her hips so the man leans over her, trying for a view down her shirt.

Before she knows what she's doing, Sam has her hand wrapped around Dee's arm, dragging her from the table and out to the car.

"What the fuck, Sam," says Dee when they're outside. She's drunk, her pupils blown, her breath sour with beer.

This is about as far as Sam's plan went, so she flies improv, tucks her sister's hair behind her ear, lays a hand along her jaw. Dee stiffens but says nothing, so Sam leans in and kisses her, leans down. She always forgets that for all Dee's toughness, Sam's the taller one.

It goes on for a minute, Dee straight as a soldier against her. When they separate, Dee says, coldly, "You done?"

The words settle like acid in her gut. She can't meet Dee's eyes. She nods, and doesn't argue that Dee's too drunk when she slides behind the wheel of the Impala and pops the passenger open for Sam.

--

That night, she dreams of Jess, of his warm eyes and warmer body. The way freckles dotted his shoulderblades and the way his eyebrows jumped when he tried not to laugh. The way his blood felt like summer rain dotting her face.

She wakes to a deep cramp, low in her belly, and lies there for a moment before digging through Dee's bag after a pad.

I wouldn't have, anyway, she thinks, and turns until she faces Dee and counts her breaths until morning.

--

"I'm sorry," Sam says the next morning as Dee nurses a cup of coffee and what looks to be a spectacular hangover.

"For what?" Dee asks. Her eyelids droop and her shoulders pull down under her jacket.

For everything, Sam wants to say. For dragging Jess into this. For leaving you. For everything.

Instead, she shrugs. Dee lets it rest, and Sam tries not to see relief in the furtive glances Dee shoots over the tabletop.

In the parking lot, Dee says, "You're okay, right? Everything's, y'know. Everything's normal with you?"

Sam laughs outright at that. "I hunt evil for a living," she says. "Pretty sure 'normal' is outside the job description."

Dee stops walking, and Sam's laugh trails into a chuckle, and silence. When she looks back at her sister, Dee cocks her head to one side and raises an eyebrow. "You're not. Different, at all?"

The last fight they had, before Sam left for school, Dee had screamed Dammit, Sammy, you listen to me. This isn't about you. And Sam had screamed right back, Yeah, it is. It is about me for once in my goddamn life. Dee's face had turned inward then, turned into the face she used on the hunt, cruel and dark.

"I'm not different," Sam says, and thinks, How did you know, and Thank you, and things that have images and fingerprints and no words in languages bounded by syntax.

"Good," says Dee. Snaps her fingers at Sam, then lays a gentle hand at the small of her back, steering her towards the car. "Come on, princess. Move it along."

"I know how to walk," says Sam, ignoring the shiver that winds up her spine, and the loss when Dee takes her hand away. She gets into the car, and thinks, Home.

-------

So yeah. That's apparently a bunny. Or a gigantic hellspawn rabbit.

There are some more, especially regarding a couple of the episodes where gender would really have changed things. Like when they go to jail. Or that weird AU where Dean sits behind a desk and Sam is in tech support. And man, your Dean/Cas casting is freaking *guh* levels of hot, and if you flip it even further, then Alastair is a woman, which would be awesome. Etc. *runs away*

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:30 am (UTC)(link)
AAAAAAAHHHH OH LORD THIS IS SO MUCH AWESOME. Hello lesbian incest! Where ya been! Cutting off the braid! Period drama (OF A DIFFERENT SORT)! Dee getting boors to teach her pool! <333

When they separate, Dee says, coldly, "You done?"
ajskldjsdfjd

things that have images and fingerprints and no words in languages bounded by syntax.
You know I <3 this.

What about the episodes where their undercover was priests? What would their cover be as women, hmm. And what about the episode where Dean thought he had a kid with Lisa?!

The runner-up for Cas was Lena Headey, but let's face it, Milla "please bed me" Jovovich is kinda tough competition. Also look at that picture.

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
In genderbent!SPN, I think I would prefer Sam to Dee. It's opposites land! Elizabeth Mitchell plays sympathetic aloofness SO WELL, I think. And omg imgaine Chris Pine getting his flirt on with Dee and Dee just being like "whatever".

Now I want to go and recast my favorite television shows. Thanks a lot.
Do it for freedom, dude.
yue_ix: Yue (from CSS) standing over a body of water with moon reflection. Blue and yellow. (Gwen sees what you did there)

[personal profile] yue_ix 2010-03-09 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
Forgot to say:
If you haven't already, please watch this vid (femslash BSG/Fascape crossover, NSFW), with an fan-fanfic here.

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
I can't believe I didn't think of Katee right away! I was running through so many poor choices in my head, like... Claire Danes? Scarlett Johansen? But once I remembered Katee, everything fell in place. IT CAN'T BE ANYONE ELSE.

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
I mean, if there was a way to have Milla Jovovich play everyone on the show, I would be all over it. Chris Pine would just be unrelentingly adorable, and Elizabeth Mitchell would be sympathetically evil, and Dominic Monaghan would probably have a lot of fun playing this role haha.

*flails back at you* <33

[identity profile] twoskeletons.livejournal.com 2010-03-09 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks for the heads-up! I think I fixed it?

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