Then again Mystery Spot's Trickster world when Bobby proposed it he seemed totally ready to do it. But I guess that's the thing, that Sam has already (almost) been there and he CAN'T go back, not now, not even now, not even for Dean, not even for himself or whatthefuckever. But he came so close. He found a guy to sacrifice, and Sam spent a couple of days putting it off by telling himself he's just researching this guy, finding out his routine and his routes so Sam has a better sense on when where how to kill him. That's what he tells himself. But the longer he watches, the longer this guy becomes a person, and finally in the end, Sam decides to choose someone else, it's too much. Okay, that didn't go where I thought it would. A couple of possibilities:
1. The intended victim walks away never knowing Sam, never knowing he wanted to kill him. Sam is shaking and crying and hating himself that he even thought this, that he didn't follow through, that he wanted to, that Dean, Dean, Dean.
2. The intended victim ends up talking with Sam a bit about inconsequential things. It's an accident; Sam would never have let this happen, but for some reason Sam was caught unawares and the victim says something about, like, the weather. And Sam, discombobulated, gets drawn into conversation. Again with Sam ending up hating himself and killing no one, but he came so close, did he really, did he ever come close at all. This guy was smiling like he really WAS gonna go up to the lake with his buddies next weekend, because yes, Sam realized that he will go to the lake because he will not be dead, because Sam can't do this. Let some guy talk at you about the weather in the mountains and suddenly you pussy out, he thinks to himself, and doesn't know what to feel worse about.
3. Sam attacks the guy. Lures him into the trap and has the knife to his throat before buckling and letting him go and oh god Sam is never going to get his brother out of hell, but he cannot think that, but he cannot do this. Sam said once that there is nothing in the world he wouldn't do for his brother, and he clings to the words, clings because he doesn't know what else to do with it, doesn't know what else to hold.
lol, this is a fic in of itself.
That's Mischa with a C, Misha says. Then he drunksplains how Mischa vs. Misha is like Kristina vs. Christina, but it is all academic because there is clearly a superior and inferior here. And what kind of a name is Dean?
Well, Dean got named after his grandmother, which Misha thinks is cute, and Dean thinks maybe he should've said he was named after James Dean; that would've been the more acceptable story in this situation. And my brother's named after our grandfather, Dean adds, and Misha says wow.
IS IT BAD THAT I KIND OF WANT MISHA TO DISCOVER THE GUNS IN THE TRUNK AND END UP GOING ON A HUNT WITH DEAN?
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But I guess that's the thing, that Sam has already (almost) been there and he CAN'T go back, not now, not even now, not even for Dean, not even for himself or whatthefuckever. But he came so close. He found a guy to sacrifice, and Sam spent a couple of days putting it off by telling himself he's just researching this guy, finding out his routine and his routes so Sam has a better sense on when where how to kill him. That's what he tells himself. But the longer he watches, the longer this guy becomes a person, and finally in the end, Sam decides to choose someone else, it's too much.
Okay, that didn't go where I thought it would. A couple of possibilities:
1. The intended victim walks away never knowing Sam, never knowing he wanted to kill him. Sam is shaking and crying and hating himself that he even thought this, that he didn't follow through, that he wanted to, that Dean, Dean, Dean.
2. The intended victim ends up talking with Sam a bit about inconsequential things. It's an accident; Sam would never have let this happen, but for some reason Sam was caught unawares and the victim says something about, like, the weather. And Sam, discombobulated, gets drawn into conversation. Again with Sam ending up hating himself and killing no one, but he came so close, did he really, did he ever come close at all. This guy was smiling like he really WAS gonna go up to the lake with his buddies next weekend, because yes, Sam realized that he will go to the lake because he will not be dead, because Sam can't do this. Let some guy talk at you about the weather in the mountains and suddenly you pussy out, he thinks to himself, and doesn't know what to feel worse about.
3. Sam attacks the guy. Lures him into the trap and has the knife to his throat before buckling and letting him go and oh god Sam is never going to get his brother out of hell, but he cannot think that, but he cannot do this. Sam said once that there is nothing in the world he wouldn't do for his brother, and he clings to the words, clings because he doesn't know what else to do with it, doesn't know what else to hold.
lol, this is a fic in of itself.
That's Mischa with a C, Misha says. Then he drunksplains how Mischa vs. Misha is like Kristina vs. Christina, but it is all academic because there is clearly a superior and inferior here. And what kind of a name is Dean?
Well, Dean got named after his grandmother, which Misha thinks is cute, and Dean thinks maybe he should've said he was named after James Dean; that would've been the more acceptable story in this situation. And my brother's named after our grandfather, Dean adds, and Misha says wow.
IS IT BAD THAT I KIND OF WANT MISHA TO DISCOVER THE GUNS IN THE TRUNK AND END UP GOING ON A HUNT WITH DEAN?