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second person pov strikes back
I sat down to write my finale reaction post, then wrote episode tags instead. Oh well.
459 words for Lisa:
lisa
Dean Winchester shoehorning himself into your life, Attempt #3: showing up at your door talking like a condemned man, warning you about a condemned world. He's called you a couple of times since then, strange phone calls incoherent with things unsaid. He just keeps telling you that there's bad shit going down, and you and Ben need to stay safe. Just tell me what's going on, but you're relieved when he refuses you a straight answer. He says just be careful. These phone calls set you on edge, and you're not sure whether you're more worried about him or yourself.
What if he shows up on your doorstep one night and axes you and Ben in your sleep?
Ha, oh god, don't even think that. Dean's a little crazy, but he's a good man.
What if he shows up and--
What. What if what? You don't even know. What if he shows up and does something as bad as how he sounds on the phone? Meandering despair cut through with angry conviction: what if he does something like that?
You don't have the heart to shut him out, this man who's on the brink, this man who saved your son, this one night stand. Ah fuck, Lise, I shouldn't have called, all slurry and blurred, and you say Don't worry about it. You think This guy is gonna get himself killed as your gut goes cold. Dean's world is crumbling, and for some reason you're the one he calls.
He calls you one more time this afternoon and tells you he's gonna be passing through town. It's over, it's all over, he says, so you ask what's over, and he says Everything.
He shows up on your doorstep looking like shit and sounding like hell, Attempt #4, and gives you one of those hugs that scrabbles for purchase at every point of contact. You don't ask what happened. You don't ask where Sam is. You tell him it's never too late for that beer, and then Ben comes running in from the living room and goes Dean! and Dean's face lights up. Hey buddy.
You microwave leftovers as the men discuss new Transformers versus old-school Transformers, and you sit at the kitchen table, letting Ben captain the conversation as every smile of Dean's, every joke, every resurfacing of his old wisecracking tone loosens the knots in your stomach. By the end of the meal, your smile is genuine. After Ben goes to bed, you massage Dean's shoulders, but when he turns his head to kiss your wrist, you stop. Look at the time.
He sleeps on your couch that night. It's the least you can do. Maybe it's the most.
270 words for Sam:
sam
You drive around and around the lower forty-eight, and you think maybe you should check out Hawai'i one of these days. Why not? What's stopping you? You are tethered to nothing. Not this boosted car, not the false identities you carry around in your wallet. You can go to fucking India, or Johannesburg, or the Pyrenees. Nothing is holding you down.
You start your own journal, fill it with monsters. Aswangs in Walpole and chupacabras outside of Reno: you think maybe this is how Dean felt when you were in Stanford. This is what he was doing. Blood and ichor on his hands, staining his clothes, motel rooms with just one bed. An empty passenger seat. This was his everyday, and this is your penance. You drive across America haunting your brother's old life, and it's only fitting.
You're okay. You can do this. You can do this, so you're okay.
There's a payphone in a bar outside of Milwaukee, and you think maybe you'll call him. You won't say anything. You'll just be a creep and hear him say hello. Maybe you can get away with that. Bartender asks if you want another one, sugar, and you wonder how many times Dean wanted to call you but then changed his mind.
Bartender says honey, you want another one?
You would, but you should save the money for food. You think Dean would probably get the booze instead of food. Fucking Dean. What an idiot. You down the rest of your beer, and the lamp above you flickers and flares.
+
That's all for now. FOR NOW.
The following showed up on Fuck Yeah Merlin and now my heart is equal parts LOL and :(
In other news of beautiful symmetry,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
castielfest has 42 members and 24 sign-ups thus far omg yay \o/
[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/21848.html |
comments]
459 words for Lisa:
lisa
Dean Winchester shoehorning himself into your life, Attempt #3: showing up at your door talking like a condemned man, warning you about a condemned world. He's called you a couple of times since then, strange phone calls incoherent with things unsaid. He just keeps telling you that there's bad shit going down, and you and Ben need to stay safe. Just tell me what's going on, but you're relieved when he refuses you a straight answer. He says just be careful. These phone calls set you on edge, and you're not sure whether you're more worried about him or yourself.
What if he shows up on your doorstep one night and axes you and Ben in your sleep?
Ha, oh god, don't even think that. Dean's a little crazy, but he's a good man.
What if he shows up and--
What. What if what? You don't even know. What if he shows up and does something as bad as how he sounds on the phone? Meandering despair cut through with angry conviction: what if he does something like that?
You don't have the heart to shut him out, this man who's on the brink, this man who saved your son, this one night stand. Ah fuck, Lise, I shouldn't have called, all slurry and blurred, and you say Don't worry about it. You think This guy is gonna get himself killed as your gut goes cold. Dean's world is crumbling, and for some reason you're the one he calls.
He calls you one more time this afternoon and tells you he's gonna be passing through town. It's over, it's all over, he says, so you ask what's over, and he says Everything.
He shows up on your doorstep looking like shit and sounding like hell, Attempt #4, and gives you one of those hugs that scrabbles for purchase at every point of contact. You don't ask what happened. You don't ask where Sam is. You tell him it's never too late for that beer, and then Ben comes running in from the living room and goes Dean! and Dean's face lights up. Hey buddy.
You microwave leftovers as the men discuss new Transformers versus old-school Transformers, and you sit at the kitchen table, letting Ben captain the conversation as every smile of Dean's, every joke, every resurfacing of his old wisecracking tone loosens the knots in your stomach. By the end of the meal, your smile is genuine. After Ben goes to bed, you massage Dean's shoulders, but when he turns his head to kiss your wrist, you stop. Look at the time.
He sleeps on your couch that night. It's the least you can do. Maybe it's the most.
270 words for Sam:
sam
You drive around and around the lower forty-eight, and you think maybe you should check out Hawai'i one of these days. Why not? What's stopping you? You are tethered to nothing. Not this boosted car, not the false identities you carry around in your wallet. You can go to fucking India, or Johannesburg, or the Pyrenees. Nothing is holding you down.
You start your own journal, fill it with monsters. Aswangs in Walpole and chupacabras outside of Reno: you think maybe this is how Dean felt when you were in Stanford. This is what he was doing. Blood and ichor on his hands, staining his clothes, motel rooms with just one bed. An empty passenger seat. This was his everyday, and this is your penance. You drive across America haunting your brother's old life, and it's only fitting.
You're okay. You can do this. You can do this, so you're okay.
There's a payphone in a bar outside of Milwaukee, and you think maybe you'll call him. You won't say anything. You'll just be a creep and hear him say hello. Maybe you can get away with that. Bartender asks if you want another one, sugar, and you wonder how many times Dean wanted to call you but then changed his mind.
Bartender says honey, you want another one?
You would, but you should save the money for food. You think Dean would probably get the booze instead of food. Fucking Dean. What an idiot. You down the rest of your beer, and the lamp above you flickers and flares.
+
That's all for now. FOR NOW.
The following showed up on Fuck Yeah Merlin and now my heart is equal parts LOL and :(
In other news of beautiful symmetry,
castielfest has 42 members and 24 sign-ups thus far omg yay \o/[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/21848.html |
no subject
S6 spoilers say it's gonna pick up a few months after that last scene. My Sam coda is jossed, I guess! The last few minutes kinda fucked with me, ngl. Like, SAM WHAT? CHUCK GOD WHAT? I guess word of god is that that really IS Sam? With extra supernatural juice, what with lamp-flickering? IS CHUCK GOD? Diagetically he could be a trickster, I guess. It's so difficult to be diegetic about SPN anyway, because it refuses to stay as such itself anyway. I have issues with Castiel's storyline, I can't BELIEVE Bobby lost hope, and I'm still D: over the Casplosion hahaha. I cannot look at pictures of it without being D: I SCREAMED AND FELL ON TOP OF MY FRIEND WHEN IT HAPPENED. FUCK. On the other hand, Samifer was awesome, and Dean's "I'm not gonna leave you" was OH MY HEARRRT, and of course the montage. Finale was like that nursery rhyme: "When she was good, she was very good. When she was bad, she was horrid."
no subject
a few months after that last scene! I think your Sam coda is not entirely jossed then, right? YEAH those last minutes fucked with us! they were supposed to! lamp flickering asflkjsfdkl my first thought was that Sam wasn't sam, but if he is Sam's a ghost?? or Sam picked up something supernatural that makes lamps flicker? like what?
Chuck as god... at first I was bugged to see that, because it felt like the writers were changing the rules of the game on us, Chuck was supposed to be a prophet, he'd shown all the signs of not being all-knowing etc, but? And then I had thoughts about the nature of God. If God is Chuck is the writers - they don't know what's going to happen forever into the future in their created world, but they know some stuff, and they can't even control all of it because characters take on a life of their own... I think a compromise says that Chuck wasn't god but he was a vessel for that time we saw him?
Bobby losing hope was unexpected considering what he'd been saying for a long time about how they can't give up and how Sam has so much good in him, but it still wasn't unbelievable to me. because it was truly a hopeless-looking situation. And he did show up with Cas at the end.
THE CASPLOSION I gasped super loud. it was SO awful to see. oh gross. but remembering it makes me laugh, oh lord it was so absurd XD
SAMIFER WAS DSFLFSD I can't get over it, goddamn. like I knew it was gonna be pretty goodncreepy from The End, but it was SO MUCH BETTER. afdljf
Dean saying "I'm not going to leave you" and the montage and the impala bits are all things I am cuddling close to my chest but they make me hurt so much too. I am developing thinky thoughts about this, which is not surprising considering at any given moment my brain is using at least 30% of itself to think about SPN, but I do think the turning point of the finale was that they were finally able to let go of their selfish love for each other. Which is why Dean's "I'm here" says so much - I'm going after you, I'm not leaving so you can come back, I'm not sacrificing myself for you, I'm here for you. if that makes sense.
no subject
Yeah logically I can see why Bobby and Cas lost hope, but this is SPN here! Logic, what logic?! I thought they were all gonna go into the fray together! They could've gone that way for narrative justice, but instead they chose the narrative justice of isolating Dean's faith in Sam. And that makes sense too. Sigh. GODDAMN BROTHERRRSSS D: :D D: fjdklsfsld idek AND THEN EVERYONE LIVED ALONELY EVER AFTER or at least until the fall. UGH.
no subject
AND THEN EVERYONE LIVED ALONELY EVER AFTER or at least until the fall. UGH.
this is just what I keep thinking about, even though everyone's like "but Sam comes back so it's okay!" That's just like Season 4 ep 1 where they were like, Dean's back so it's okay! NO IT IS NOT OKAY, IT'S GOING TO FUCK THESE CHARACTERS UP UNIMAGINABLY FOR A WHOLE SEASON GODDAMN. and fourth season was so hard to watch sometimes, with all their pain, I just dunno if I can do that again. except I can because I love them.
no subject
omg EXACTLY. Reunion is not panacea! Winchesters, they are together for better AND worse.
RANDOM CONFESSION TIME: I just wrote a song as Dean POV 5x22 Wincestuous-ish coda. This is the second fandom to get a fansong out of me. Dean, come join Susan on this shelf.
no subject
I want to hear these songs. you should share them sometime omg please. I really really would be soooo happy to hear them :D
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no subject
I get what you mean with prosed out. Every fandom comes to me differently, in how I feel like I can get creatively involved. and SPN somehow went the poetry route, which has never happened before, crazyyyy. Dunno if it'll keep up but it's entirely possible. Songs are so exciting to me! I wish I could make them. I can just play some, and listen with delight :D
no subject
Hey, have you watched episodes of this show "Happy Town"? Uriel is in it, and it reminds me of the "My Ainsel" section of American Gods. Good stuff! I wonder if I'm going to have to make a pimping post.
no subject
this just means that there are a lot of poems to write and rewrite! :)) yaaaay poetry support. I will try to keep writing it this summer, I am bad at self-motivating but poetry <3 it is really working well these days. fiction, however :/ think I'm gonna keep just doing it for fun.
I haven't seen it or heard of it except suddenly you are talking about it now - URIEL, awesome! If you keep talking I might have to investigate this summer. There is still that show Being Human that sounded sooo cool that I want to watch. oh tv, a sure sign of vacation for me.
no subject