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ESS PEE EN EIGHT OH FIIIIIVE
the sam part
I CALLED IT.
Okay, so it wasn't for shots and we don't know yet if Amelia named it, but CLOSE ENOUGH? My desire to write fic about Sam and the dog is growing. It'll probably mostly consist of it eating Sam's shoes and peeing in the Impala. HI, HOW ARE YOU, I AM DOG.
CAN WE A TAKE MOMENT TO ;_______; OVER SAM'S MOTEL FEEEEELS? MOTELS AREN'T ANYWHERE. THEY'RE NOT PART OF ANYTHING. OH BB YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE CHILDHOOD ;________; WITH YOUR MATHLETING AND YOUR WANT OF NORMALCY BUT ALL LIFE EVER DOES IS CONFIRM YOUR WORST FEARS. YOU BELONG NOWHEEEEEREfsfhjksfd sam
The whole argument in the beginning where Dean is like "I HAVE TO GO AND NOT TELL YOU ANYTHING", I was afsljfslkd in Sam's shoes, man, even if I do think that Dean's loyalty and secrecy re: Benny is completely understandable (AND FEELS-INDUCING) after everything he went through. That's what you learn in purgatory is that you have to have your bro's back. There's a deep connection between a dude and his vampire. On Sam's side of the matter though, ever since the season started, Sam has not wanted to go back to this hunting life and he has this air of frustratedly tolerating what is necessary as Dean locks into "THERE IS A HUNT HERE, THERE IS A HUNT THERE, THERE IS A HUNT EVERYWHERE" mode, and now here is Dean skulking off to do WHATEVER and Sam's just like OH COME ON and Dean takes the Toblerone and runs.
And then later it's like, "HELLO SAM THIS IS A PHONE CALL, I AM POSSIBLY ABOUT TO DIE OF VAMPIRES." And LATER later it's like, "Sam, this is a vampire, I might've had sex with him a few times in purgatory, shhh it's okay."
and sam is just like omg.
I mean, Dean has his reasons (like for example, Toblerone is really delicious), but at this point Sam doesn't know them, y'know? The show has no agenda of portraying either brother as The Good Brother here, it's just the nature of the situation. (Ahaha, you know when you've been in SPN fandom too long when you feel the need to disclaim this. BOTH BROTHERS ARE NOT WITHOUT REASONS FOR THEIR ACTIONS. ONE IS NOT BETTER THAN THE OTHER. End disclaimer.)
Can I express how much I adore Dean using Sam's cranky loudness on the phone to distract the vampire? Can I express how much I adore ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEEeeeEEEEAAAaaAAAAAD!!!! That shouldn't have made me laugh, but I'm a terrible person, so I laughed.
the kevin part
I'M SO PROUD OF KEVIN, BECOMING A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ALL ON HIS OWN abloooo KEVIN, YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE FELONIOUS PROPHET, WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD FRAUD AND FAKE MOTEL BOOKINGS. Are you figuring this out on your own or have you independently tapped into the hunter network, or are you getting help from say CHARLIE BRADBURY, or GARTH, did you try THE GHOSTFACERS AT ONE POINT and then was like "ummmm, I gotta go..." Goddddd, why is every episode not about Kevin learning how to figure shit out. KEVIN. KEVIN TRAN. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?? Love and kisses to your mom, tell her I love her.
the otp thing
I COULD WEEP. I COULD CRUMPLE INTO KINDLING RIGHT NOW AND YOU CAN SET ME ON FIRE AND I WILL WEEP BUT NOT FROM FIRE BUT FROM SHOVING ASSES THROUGH NEEDLE EYES. DEAN, CASTIEL IS OF ABSOLUTELY NO PRACTICAL USE TO YOUR ESCAPE, HE IS LEVIATHAN BAIT, HE IS A FLAME AND THE MONSTERS ARE THE MOTHS, HE IS A WALKING TARGET, HE IS ENDANGERING YOU ALL BY BEING THERE, DEAN. I see NO PRACTICAL REASON FOR CAS BEING HERE WITH YOU SO WHY DEAN WHY.
DEAN, HE COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND TRIED TO BE GOD, HE SET THE MOST TERRIBLE MONSTERS LOOSE UPON THE WORLD, HIS MISTAKES BRED MORE MISTAKES, DEAN, WHY DO YOU WANT HIM HERE WITH YOU. He doesn't even want to go with you! WHY ARE YOU BASICALLY CLUTCHING HIM CLOSE AND DRAGGING HIM HOME, home, oh my god, OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD, DEAN, LIKE YOU HAVE LOST HIM TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE HIM AGAIN. DEAN!!!!!!!!!
WHY DO YOU ARGUE WITH BENNY WHEN BENNY SAYS IT'S BETTER IF CAS STAYS HERE. WHY DO YOU SHUT CAS DOWN WHEN CAS AGREES. Why do you refuse to see the sense in what they are saying.
just leave me here to weep into my hypothetical questions.
Actually hold on, 'cos I see the word forgiveness bandied around fandom a lot re: Cas's arc, and I have opinions. I think what's important to remember is the difference being absolved and being forgiven. I really like that Misha said that Cas will always be haunted by what he did. I don't necessarily want Castiel absolved of all these terrible sins 'cos I don't think he can truly be, but he can be forgiven, because forgiveness doesn't erase what he did or the hurt he caused, but it does mean that despite it all he is still loved and wanted and needed. SOMEHOW. AFTER ALL HIS WRONGDOING. I think there's a thinking that's like, he can never be absolved and therefore he will never be forgiven. But it seems even though you are never absolved, you can still be loved. SOMEHOW!! You stupid fucking angel you are loved so much, BY SOMEONE POSSIBLY AS EQUALLY FUCKING STUPID who doesn't care about what you deserve or what justice requires, this stupid someone just wants you by their stupid fucking side. SO STUPID. STUUUUPIIIIIIDDDDDDD omg so dumb ;_______;
okay, now leave me here to weep.
the seraph thing
Cas is a seraph! Good to know. Quick research (viz. checking the Wikipedia page) turns up some interesting fic prompts. For one, seraphim literally translates to "burning ones". In Numbers and Deuteronomy, they are serpents. In Gnostic texts, seraphs are described as "dragon-shaped angels". They have six wings - two to cover the face, two to cover the feet, two to fly with. And now I want trippy fic where Dean or Claire or Jimmy unfolds the wings from Cas's trueform face.
AND THEN THOMAS AQUINAS IS ALL LIKE, "The name 'Seraphim' does not come from charity only, but from the excess of charity, expressed by the word ardor or fire." GUYS. Basically Thomas Aquinas agrees with Samandriel that Castiel has too much heart, and it's fitting here that charity/heart is expressed by FIRE, something that on one side is purifying and on the other side utterly destructive. Heart doesn't imply compassion here; it means zeal. Compassion will probably not lead you to kill many of your own kind, but zeal might! And then there's Pico della Mirandola who uses angels to make points about the different aspects of man, equating light and intelligence with the cherubim, but FIRE AND PASSION WITH THE SERAPHIM.
Castiel just has a lot of feeeeeliiiiiings. But they are scary feelings, not woobie feelings! EVERY ANGEL IS TERRIFYING.
And now brief notes, 'cos this is way long already.
1) Post-pirate Benny/sea feelings where he lives out his days reconciled with solitude out in the open water with wine bottles refilled with blood and when he goes back ashore for necessities it is super difficult because living blood everywhere.
2) Castiel wondering where monster souls who die in the afterlife go. EDLUND, YOU HONESTLY CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER LAMPSHADE? Better yet, just answer the question! I can think of several possibilities!! Several fic writers need to know!!!
3) Dean/Benny feelings where Benny may have been able to resist Dean's blood in purgatory 'cos he was dead and didn't need to eat, but now Dean's blood is driving him a little bit crazy, and Dean is trying to not be afraid, trying to talk Benny down when Benny is in the throes of it, and Benny is trying so haaarrrd, nnnnggghh. Does Dean let Benny drink from him? omg idk! Either way, it's sexy.
4) More Dean/Benny feelings. Jensen says the writers told him that the reason Dean didn't grow a beard in purgatory is because he has knives AND I WOULD LIKE TO ADD what if Benny shaves Dean, what if he does, what if he's like "lemme do that, you'll slit your throat", and at first it's like this trust thing but then it becomes ship.
the fail thing
That whole last conversation with Benny and Andrea, I was like OH GOD PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE 'cos I could feel the death in the air already but omg episode please, you were doing so well! Ugh. Moment of silence for the fridged.
the sam part
I CALLED IT.
Okay, so it wasn't for shots and we don't know yet if Amelia named it, but CLOSE ENOUGH? My desire to write fic about Sam and the dog is growing. It'll probably mostly consist of it eating Sam's shoes and peeing in the Impala. HI, HOW ARE YOU, I AM DOG.
CAN WE A TAKE MOMENT TO ;_______; OVER SAM'S MOTEL FEEEEELS? MOTELS AREN'T ANYWHERE. THEY'RE NOT PART OF ANYTHING. OH BB YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE CHILDHOOD ;________; WITH YOUR MATHLETING AND YOUR WANT OF NORMALCY BUT ALL LIFE EVER DOES IS CONFIRM YOUR WORST FEARS. YOU BELONG NOWHEEEEEREfsfhjksfd sam
The whole argument in the beginning where Dean is like "I HAVE TO GO AND NOT TELL YOU ANYTHING", I was afsljfslkd in Sam's shoes, man, even if I do think that Dean's loyalty and secrecy re: Benny is completely understandable (AND FEELS-INDUCING) after everything he went through. That's what you learn in purgatory is that you have to have your bro's back. There's a deep connection between a dude and his vampire. On Sam's side of the matter though, ever since the season started, Sam has not wanted to go back to this hunting life and he has this air of frustratedly tolerating what is necessary as Dean locks into "THERE IS A HUNT HERE, THERE IS A HUNT THERE, THERE IS A HUNT EVERYWHERE" mode, and now here is Dean skulking off to do WHATEVER and Sam's just like OH COME ON and Dean takes the Toblerone and runs.
And then later it's like, "HELLO SAM THIS IS A PHONE CALL, I AM POSSIBLY ABOUT TO DIE OF VAMPIRES." And LATER later it's like, "Sam, this is a vampire, I might've had sex with him a few times in purgatory, shhh it's okay."
and sam is just like omg.
I mean, Dean has his reasons (like for example, Toblerone is really delicious), but at this point Sam doesn't know them, y'know? The show has no agenda of portraying either brother as The Good Brother here, it's just the nature of the situation. (Ahaha, you know when you've been in SPN fandom too long when you feel the need to disclaim this. BOTH BROTHERS ARE NOT WITHOUT REASONS FOR THEIR ACTIONS. ONE IS NOT BETTER THAN THE OTHER. End disclaimer.)
Can I express how much I adore Dean using Sam's cranky loudness on the phone to distract the vampire? Can I express how much I adore ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEEeeeEEEEAAAaaAAAAAD!!!! That shouldn't have made me laugh, but I'm a terrible person, so I laughed.
the kevin part
I'M SO PROUD OF KEVIN, BECOMING A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ALL ON HIS OWN abloooo KEVIN, YOU PRECIOUS LITTLE FELONIOUS PROPHET, WITH YOUR CREDIT CARD FRAUD AND FAKE MOTEL BOOKINGS. Are you figuring this out on your own or have you independently tapped into the hunter network, or are you getting help from say CHARLIE BRADBURY, or GARTH, did you try THE GHOSTFACERS AT ONE POINT and then was like "ummmm, I gotta go..." Goddddd, why is every episode not about Kevin learning how to figure shit out. KEVIN. KEVIN TRAN. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?? Love and kisses to your mom, tell her I love her.
the otp thing
I COULD WEEP. I COULD CRUMPLE INTO KINDLING RIGHT NOW AND YOU CAN SET ME ON FIRE AND I WILL WEEP BUT NOT FROM FIRE BUT FROM SHOVING ASSES THROUGH NEEDLE EYES. DEAN, CASTIEL IS OF ABSOLUTELY NO PRACTICAL USE TO YOUR ESCAPE, HE IS LEVIATHAN BAIT, HE IS A FLAME AND THE MONSTERS ARE THE MOTHS, HE IS A WALKING TARGET, HE IS ENDANGERING YOU ALL BY BEING THERE, DEAN. I see NO PRACTICAL REASON FOR CAS BEING HERE WITH YOU SO WHY DEAN WHY.
DEAN, HE COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND TRIED TO BE GOD, HE SET THE MOST TERRIBLE MONSTERS LOOSE UPON THE WORLD, HIS MISTAKES BRED MORE MISTAKES, DEAN, WHY DO YOU WANT HIM HERE WITH YOU. He doesn't even want to go with you! WHY ARE YOU BASICALLY CLUTCHING HIM CLOSE AND DRAGGING HIM HOME, home, oh my god, OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD, DEAN, LIKE YOU HAVE LOST HIM TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LOSE HIM AGAIN. DEAN!!!!!!!!!
WHY DO YOU ARGUE WITH BENNY WHEN BENNY SAYS IT'S BETTER IF CAS STAYS HERE. WHY DO YOU SHUT CAS DOWN WHEN CAS AGREES. Why do you refuse to see the sense in what they are saying.
just leave me here to weep into my hypothetical questions.
Actually hold on, 'cos I see the word forgiveness bandied around fandom a lot re: Cas's arc, and I have opinions. I think what's important to remember is the difference being absolved and being forgiven. I really like that Misha said that Cas will always be haunted by what he did. I don't necessarily want Castiel absolved of all these terrible sins 'cos I don't think he can truly be, but he can be forgiven, because forgiveness doesn't erase what he did or the hurt he caused, but it does mean that despite it all he is still loved and wanted and needed. SOMEHOW. AFTER ALL HIS WRONGDOING. I think there's a thinking that's like, he can never be absolved and therefore he will never be forgiven. But it seems even though you are never absolved, you can still be loved. SOMEHOW!! You stupid fucking angel you are loved so much, BY SOMEONE POSSIBLY AS EQUALLY FUCKING STUPID who doesn't care about what you deserve or what justice requires, this stupid someone just wants you by their stupid fucking side. SO STUPID. STUUUUPIIIIIIDDDDDDD omg so dumb ;_______;
okay, now leave me here to weep.
the seraph thing
Cas is a seraph! Good to know. Quick research (viz. checking the Wikipedia page) turns up some interesting fic prompts. For one, seraphim literally translates to "burning ones". In Numbers and Deuteronomy, they are serpents. In Gnostic texts, seraphs are described as "dragon-shaped angels". They have six wings - two to cover the face, two to cover the feet, two to fly with. And now I want trippy fic where Dean or Claire or Jimmy unfolds the wings from Cas's trueform face.
AND THEN THOMAS AQUINAS IS ALL LIKE, "The name 'Seraphim' does not come from charity only, but from the excess of charity, expressed by the word ardor or fire." GUYS. Basically Thomas Aquinas agrees with Samandriel that Castiel has too much heart, and it's fitting here that charity/heart is expressed by FIRE, something that on one side is purifying and on the other side utterly destructive. Heart doesn't imply compassion here; it means zeal. Compassion will probably not lead you to kill many of your own kind, but zeal might! And then there's Pico della Mirandola who uses angels to make points about the different aspects of man, equating light and intelligence with the cherubim, but FIRE AND PASSION WITH THE SERAPHIM.
Castiel just has a lot of feeeeeliiiiiings. But they are scary feelings, not woobie feelings! EVERY ANGEL IS TERRIFYING.
And now brief notes, 'cos this is way long already.
1) Post-pirate Benny/sea feelings where he lives out his days reconciled with solitude out in the open water with wine bottles refilled with blood and when he goes back ashore for necessities it is super difficult because living blood everywhere.
2) Castiel wondering where monster souls who die in the afterlife go. EDLUND, YOU HONESTLY CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER LAMPSHADE? Better yet, just answer the question! I can think of several possibilities!! Several fic writers need to know!!!
3) Dean/Benny feelings where Benny may have been able to resist Dean's blood in purgatory 'cos he was dead and didn't need to eat, but now Dean's blood is driving him a little bit crazy, and Dean is trying to not be afraid, trying to talk Benny down when Benny is in the throes of it, and Benny is trying so haaarrrd, nnnnggghh. Does Dean let Benny drink from him? omg idk! Either way, it's sexy.
4) More Dean/Benny feelings. Jensen says the writers told him that the reason Dean didn't grow a beard in purgatory is because he has knives AND I WOULD LIKE TO ADD what if Benny shaves Dean, what if he does, what if he's like "lemme do that, you'll slit your throat", and at first it's like this trust thing but then it becomes ship.
the fail thing
That whole last conversation with Benny and Andrea, I was like OH GOD PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE DON'T DIE PLEASE 'cos I could feel the death in the air already but omg episode please, you were doing so well! Ugh. Moment of silence for the fridged.