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every god-forsaken thing
uuugh I totally should've written my Skyfall reaction post sooner after I watched it, I had a lot of feelings, now most of the feelings I have left are about how it can be turned into a Dean/Cas AU. I REALLY ENJOYED SKYFALL. I saw a review describe it as "it's to James Bond what The Dark Knight is to Batman" and I concur, and that's probably one of the bigger reasons I love it, a James Bond in a post-Bond world. Also aaaaugh so many Bond&M feelings. I WILL TOTALLY WRITE THIS REACTION POST.
But right now, I'm having reactions to SPN 8x07.
- Who told Benny about the portal? Was it angels? Is that why I'm not getting the impression Benny told Dean who 'they' is? JUST TRUST ME, he's like. Maybe telling Benny about the portal was the angels' initial plan for getting Cas out of purgatory. Tell Benny about it and how he needs a human to get out, Benny finds Dean, Dean won't leave without Cas, therefore all three will leave together and the angels get Cas back. But then Cas has to be such a fucking self-flagellator and the angels are like "UGH GDI CAS Y U NO" because now they have to do this the hard way.
- Benny saying, "Aren't you guys all about faith?" and Cas saying, "Not particularly." CAAAAAASSSS. He has been disillusioned of much.
- I want fic about Sam noticing all the times Dean spaces out. I didn't think Dean literally spaced out for exactly as long as it takes a flashback scene to play out, 'cos I mean I assumed that's just editing technicalities, but the part after the flashback after Cas goes to get himself cleaned up, Sam's like, "Hey, are you okay?" and it makes me wonder. It's like, a Dean that switches back and forth between MOVE MOVE MOVE HUNT HUNT HUNT and unsettling bouts of silence. Between totally present and totally elsewhere.
- I also want fic about Garth and the Trans trying to coexist. I can't decide if Garth and Linda would be BFFs or if she would find him grating.
- SPEAKING OF KEVIN, and his missing finger. I can't help but think of like centuries from now when Kevin is truly part of the gospel or like iconic aspect of the religion, and a temple somewhere claims to have found his uncorrupted severed finger, and people make pilgrimage from all over the world for a peek at what remains of the venerated prophet. There are documentaries on it: is it really the prophet Kevin Tran's finger? Some say yes and some say impossible and some say it doesn't matter. They interview a pilgrim who has come from halfway across the world: "It has always been my dream," she says. "I saved and I saved and here I am and I feel so blessed." In the background is the temple and around the temple is vendors selling trinkets to pilgrims and tourists alike at exorbitant prices.
- UMMMM, "you remember what you needed to" and how what broke Dean was that Cas chose to stay instead of coming home. Like. omg. Dean fought through a world of nightmares to bring Cas home, Cas was the mantra and the mission statement and the light at the end of a tunnel that was trying to rip Dean apart, and then it was all for naught. You can't save what doesn't wanna be saved. It's like Cas at the end of 5x16. He put everything into this, and got nothing, and it broke him. Who was it saying he reverted back to his guilt complex when his abandonment complex got too much? Because yeah totally.
THESE TWO DWEEBS. This fucking ship. I remember people were coming up with theories for what really happened when Cas got left behind, and then the actual explanation is way shippier than anyone could've dreamed. I mean, sure it's it complex and layered and takes into account both of their deep-seated issues with themselves, but no matter which side of the "therefore" it's on, Dean could not cope with losing Cas.
- "It's not your job to save me," Cas said to Dean, and I wonder if there's an implication of how Cas has always seen it to be his job to save Dean? "You can't save everyone," Cas said, and maybe that's also reflective of how Cas couldn't save everyone either? Or at least, he couldn't save who he wanted to.
Ultimately I think Cas and Sam, though coming from very different situations, have a commonality this season in this one thing where they both want to do something for themselves, and Dean takes it personally. He sees it as pushing him away. But Cas says, "It's not about fault. It's about will." And maybe Dean can get this on a theoretical level, but it does nothing to negate the hurt he feels about it. He is no one's keeper, and while this should perhaps be taken as a comfort, it feels more like a punishment.
- Cas Cas Cas, I am of two minds about Cas. There is a part of me that is relieved that Cas chose to stay in purgatory, in that he got what he wanted, in a sense. I'm relieved he wasn't abandoned. Basically, I AM GLAD FOR CAS'S AGENCY. I am glad he is owning his shit (especially after the whole pain of late S6 where he's like "I'M DOING THIS FOR YOOOUUU, DEEEAAANN") even if it is manifesting in what is basically self-flagellation. On the other hand![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
amonitrate sums it up really well, "Self-hatred doesn't actually solve anything, and self-hatred isn't really justice." Even though hating yourself and wallowing in a corner may feel right to you, it serves no one else when there is so much to be done. Sometimes the best thing you can do for others is to start accepting the kindnesses you don't deserve and continue the friendship you thought you had destroyed.
Further good thoughts from Amy: "On some level forgiveness is beside the point -- you don't *deserve* forgiveness, and you don't change in order to get "paid" in forgiveness, and if you do you're probably missing something." To which I replied, "It's not a state you achieve eventually, it's an ongoing project. Sisyphus and his boulder up the hill. Something like resignation? But then there's Kafka all, "We must assume that Sisyphus is happy," but maybe instead of happy, we might use the word... peaceful? Reconciled? You have to be good without any hope of getting to heaven."
In my last reaction post, I talked about the difference between absolution and forgiveness. I think Cas is working within the framework of the former, which explains his self-flagellation, because he can never be absolved. Dean is working in the framework of the latter without even realizing it. Dean has already moved on. He wants to move on. He needs to.
- NAOMIIIIIIIIIIIII, I HOPE WE GET TO SEE A LOT OF NAOMI, I HOPE THERE IS ALREADY CAS/NAOMI DESKSEX FIC SOMEWHERE, I HOPE CAS STRUGGLES, I HOPE NAOMI HOLDS HIM DOWN WITH BARELY ANY EFFORT, I HOPE THERE ARE ALASTAIR PARALLELS RE: HOW SHE IS MOLDING CAS INTO A NEW ANIMAL, or is it that Naomi is turning Cas into an old animal? The Cas that was just a hammer? Have you missed the unthinking purpose of being a weapon, and will Naomi give that to you? Return you to who you are better than any penance in purgatory or mercy from Dean Winchester can grant? naomiiiiii ALL THE NAOMI, ALL THE NAOMI *______*
OTHER GREAT THINGS:
- HOT DOG ANGEL NOOOOO ;_____;
- ARE THEY ON A SPACESHIP??
- Look, man, it's not that I expected Cas to say "I love you" instead of "thank you for everything", I'm just saying that TV trained me too well to NOT expect him to say "I love you". EHEHEHE. In a way, "I love you" is basically what Cas said.
- Cas missing television because whenever he needed a break from the God search he would watch TV with the Winchesters omg WHAT ARE HIS FAVORITE SHOWS
- the bird's eye view of Dean killing the demon in that warehouse was great
- Crowley's pinwheel
- better visual effects this season!
- the line delivery of "I'm mercurial"
- "CAS, NO, YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH." ARE WE IN FIC???
- SAM EXORCISING WHILE PRETENDING TO TALK ON THE PHONE.
-
totally made me think of:
ilu sam
IN CONCLUSION: Where's Meg?
But right now, I'm having reactions to SPN 8x07.
- Who told Benny about the portal? Was it angels? Is that why I'm not getting the impression Benny told Dean who 'they' is? JUST TRUST ME, he's like. Maybe telling Benny about the portal was the angels' initial plan for getting Cas out of purgatory. Tell Benny about it and how he needs a human to get out, Benny finds Dean, Dean won't leave without Cas, therefore all three will leave together and the angels get Cas back. But then Cas has to be such a fucking self-flagellator and the angels are like "UGH GDI CAS Y U NO" because now they have to do this the hard way.
- Benny saying, "Aren't you guys all about faith?" and Cas saying, "Not particularly." CAAAAAASSSS. He has been disillusioned of much.
- I want fic about Sam noticing all the times Dean spaces out. I didn't think Dean literally spaced out for exactly as long as it takes a flashback scene to play out, 'cos I mean I assumed that's just editing technicalities, but the part after the flashback after Cas goes to get himself cleaned up, Sam's like, "Hey, are you okay?" and it makes me wonder. It's like, a Dean that switches back and forth between MOVE MOVE MOVE HUNT HUNT HUNT and unsettling bouts of silence. Between totally present and totally elsewhere.
- I also want fic about Garth and the Trans trying to coexist. I can't decide if Garth and Linda would be BFFs or if she would find him grating.
- SPEAKING OF KEVIN, and his missing finger. I can't help but think of like centuries from now when Kevin is truly part of the gospel or like iconic aspect of the religion, and a temple somewhere claims to have found his uncorrupted severed finger, and people make pilgrimage from all over the world for a peek at what remains of the venerated prophet. There are documentaries on it: is it really the prophet Kevin Tran's finger? Some say yes and some say impossible and some say it doesn't matter. They interview a pilgrim who has come from halfway across the world: "It has always been my dream," she says. "I saved and I saved and here I am and I feel so blessed." In the background is the temple and around the temple is vendors selling trinkets to pilgrims and tourists alike at exorbitant prices.
- UMMMM, "you remember what you needed to" and how what broke Dean was that Cas chose to stay instead of coming home. Like. omg. Dean fought through a world of nightmares to bring Cas home, Cas was the mantra and the mission statement and the light at the end of a tunnel that was trying to rip Dean apart, and then it was all for naught. You can't save what doesn't wanna be saved. It's like Cas at the end of 5x16. He put everything into this, and got nothing, and it broke him. Who was it saying he reverted back to his guilt complex when his abandonment complex got too much? Because yeah totally.
THESE TWO DWEEBS. This fucking ship. I remember people were coming up with theories for what really happened when Cas got left behind, and then the actual explanation is way shippier than anyone could've dreamed. I mean, sure it's it complex and layered and takes into account both of their deep-seated issues with themselves, but no matter which side of the "therefore" it's on, Dean could not cope with losing Cas.
- "It's not your job to save me," Cas said to Dean, and I wonder if there's an implication of how Cas has always seen it to be his job to save Dean? "You can't save everyone," Cas said, and maybe that's also reflective of how Cas couldn't save everyone either? Or at least, he couldn't save who he wanted to.
Ultimately I think Cas and Sam, though coming from very different situations, have a commonality this season in this one thing where they both want to do something for themselves, and Dean takes it personally. He sees it as pushing him away. But Cas says, "It's not about fault. It's about will." And maybe Dean can get this on a theoretical level, but it does nothing to negate the hurt he feels about it. He is no one's keeper, and while this should perhaps be taken as a comfort, it feels more like a punishment.
- Cas Cas Cas, I am of two minds about Cas. There is a part of me that is relieved that Cas chose to stay in purgatory, in that he got what he wanted, in a sense. I'm relieved he wasn't abandoned. Basically, I AM GLAD FOR CAS'S AGENCY. I am glad he is owning his shit (especially after the whole pain of late S6 where he's like "I'M DOING THIS FOR YOOOUUU, DEEEAAANN") even if it is manifesting in what is basically self-flagellation. On the other hand
amonitrate sums it up really well, "Self-hatred doesn't actually solve anything, and self-hatred isn't really justice." Even though hating yourself and wallowing in a corner may feel right to you, it serves no one else when there is so much to be done. Sometimes the best thing you can do for others is to start accepting the kindnesses you don't deserve and continue the friendship you thought you had destroyed. Further good thoughts from Amy: "On some level forgiveness is beside the point -- you don't *deserve* forgiveness, and you don't change in order to get "paid" in forgiveness, and if you do you're probably missing something." To which I replied, "It's not a state you achieve eventually, it's an ongoing project. Sisyphus and his boulder up the hill. Something like resignation? But then there's Kafka all, "We must assume that Sisyphus is happy," but maybe instead of happy, we might use the word... peaceful? Reconciled? You have to be good without any hope of getting to heaven."
In my last reaction post, I talked about the difference between absolution and forgiveness. I think Cas is working within the framework of the former, which explains his self-flagellation, because he can never be absolved. Dean is working in the framework of the latter without even realizing it. Dean has already moved on. He wants to move on. He needs to.
- NAOMIIIIIIIIIIIII, I HOPE WE GET TO SEE A LOT OF NAOMI, I HOPE THERE IS ALREADY CAS/NAOMI DESKSEX FIC SOMEWHERE, I HOPE CAS STRUGGLES, I HOPE NAOMI HOLDS HIM DOWN WITH BARELY ANY EFFORT, I HOPE THERE ARE ALASTAIR PARALLELS RE: HOW SHE IS MOLDING CAS INTO A NEW ANIMAL, or is it that Naomi is turning Cas into an old animal? The Cas that was just a hammer? Have you missed the unthinking purpose of being a weapon, and will Naomi give that to you? Return you to who you are better than any penance in purgatory or mercy from Dean Winchester can grant? naomiiiiii ALL THE NAOMI, ALL THE NAOMI *______*
OTHER GREAT THINGS:
- HOT DOG ANGEL NOOOOO ;_____;
- ARE THEY ON A SPACESHIP??
- Look, man, it's not that I expected Cas to say "I love you" instead of "thank you for everything", I'm just saying that TV trained me too well to NOT expect him to say "I love you". EHEHEHE. In a way, "I love you" is basically what Cas said.
- Cas missing television because whenever he needed a break from the God search he would watch TV with the Winchesters omg WHAT ARE HIS FAVORITE SHOWS
- the bird's eye view of Dean killing the demon in that warehouse was great
- Crowley's pinwheel
- better visual effects this season!
- the line delivery of "I'm mercurial"
- "CAS, NO, YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH." ARE WE IN FIC???
- SAM EXORCISING WHILE PRETENDING TO TALK ON THE PHONE.
-
totally made me think of:ilu sam
IN CONCLUSION: Where's Meg?