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GO MALCOLM GO
The game's in 20 mins and I already told Mr. Las I'm gonna be late for band practice tonight because I wanna watch my main man and yours, Malcolm Subban, make his NHL debut. Sometimes you gotta prioritize.
Relatedly, let's yell at the Bruins.
DEAR HUMAN DISASTERS,
Listen man all i wanted was to be excited for Malcolm Subban's debut like cos i mean, i did not think his debut was gonna take place this year, thought i might be saying to my spouse "hey boo take me to providence and buy me a baby bruins ticket" (which might still happen) but i mean
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE COOL WHEN ONE OF THE HIGHLY-TOUTED BABIES MAKES THE DEBUT, but the big league club is such a tire fire right now, like whenever they talk about starting Subban half the ppl are all "ooh, are they showcasing him, are we gonna get forwards who haven't forgotten how to pass and d-men who are slightly faster than a tortoise" and I have to be like nO SHUT UP DON'T TOUCH HIM HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE, and most of the other people are characters on The Office looking at the camera, we're in such despair, and Malcolm is like this beautiful light at the end of a long night, but we are also terrified that the long night is just going to eat up the beautiful light, and we're plunged into forever night like in polar winters, or like that one time Fenrir ate the sun. Yeah, you know what i mean, that totally happened
MALCOLM DOESN'T DESERVE THIS, YOU FUCKS.
SO I AM, I AM EXCITED FOR HIS DEBUT, AND I AM NERVOUS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THE FRONT OFFICE IS NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO TRADE HIM (RIGHT???????? BUT CHIARELLI'S TRIGGER FINGER HAS BEEN SO WEIRD THIS SEASON, IDEK WHAT TO THINK!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS BUT ONCE PETER CHIARELLI DRESSED IN A BEDSHEET AND SHRIEKED "BOO" UNTIL THE CHILDREN CRIED SO I HAVE TRUST ISSUES AND NO LONGER BELIEVE IN LOGIC) where was i? fuck the unfounded trade rumors, fuck the big club being a dumpster fire and casting an ominous pall over his debut, fuck our d-men for leaving our goalies high and dry, and by goalies i guess i mean tuukka because Claude will start no one else until
TONIGHT
WHEN THERE WILL BE TWO DEBUTS
ONE OF THEM BEING THE GOALIE
AGAINST THE BLUES A SECOND-PLACE TEAM
WHEN THE PANTHERS ARE LITERALLY ONE POINT AWAY FROM GETTING OUR WILD CARD SPOT
are you setting the babies up to fail??? are we going full-ham on the tanking, is this like last season's Red Sox when they were just like "eh fuck it" and start calling up all the kids, like did the trainers and the front office just throw all their notes in the air and go out for ice cream like
AND ANOTHER THING, also we're calling up a forward from Providence isntead of a d-man? but... why...
I am, like, so aggressively happy for Malcolm Subban because what else is there to be happy about!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Weird," Mr. Las says. "You became a Red Sox fan, and they tanked. You became a Bruins fan, and they're tanking. You didn't really give a shit about the Patriots, they won the Superbowl."
my name is las, i'm here to root for the boston malcolms
Relatedly, let's yell at the Bruins.
DEAR HUMAN DISASTERS,
Listen man all i wanted was to be excited for Malcolm Subban's debut like cos i mean, i did not think his debut was gonna take place this year, thought i might be saying to my spouse "hey boo take me to providence and buy me a baby bruins ticket" (which might still happen) but i mean
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE COOL WHEN ONE OF THE HIGHLY-TOUTED BABIES MAKES THE DEBUT, but the big league club is such a tire fire right now, like whenever they talk about starting Subban half the ppl are all "ooh, are they showcasing him, are we gonna get forwards who haven't forgotten how to pass and d-men who are slightly faster than a tortoise" and I have to be like nO SHUT UP DON'T TOUCH HIM HE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE, and most of the other people are characters on The Office looking at the camera, we're in such despair, and Malcolm is like this beautiful light at the end of a long night, but we are also terrified that the long night is just going to eat up the beautiful light, and we're plunged into forever night like in polar winters, or like that one time Fenrir ate the sun. Yeah, you know what i mean, that totally happened
MALCOLM DOESN'T DESERVE THIS, YOU FUCKS.
SO I AM, I AM EXCITED FOR HIS DEBUT, AND I AM NERVOUS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THE FRONT OFFICE IS NOT DUMB ENOUGH TO TRADE HIM (RIGHT???????? BUT CHIARELLI'S TRIGGER FINGER HAS BEEN SO WEIRD THIS SEASON, IDEK WHAT TO THINK!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS BUT ONCE PETER CHIARELLI DRESSED IN A BEDSHEET AND SHRIEKED "BOO" UNTIL THE CHILDREN CRIED SO I HAVE TRUST ISSUES AND NO LONGER BELIEVE IN LOGIC) where was i? fuck the unfounded trade rumors, fuck the big club being a dumpster fire and casting an ominous pall over his debut, fuck our d-men for leaving our goalies high and dry, and by goalies i guess i mean tuukka because Claude will start no one else until
TONIGHT
WHEN THERE WILL BE TWO DEBUTS
ONE OF THEM BEING THE GOALIE
AGAINST THE BLUES A SECOND-PLACE TEAM
WHEN THE PANTHERS ARE LITERALLY ONE POINT AWAY FROM GETTING OUR WILD CARD SPOT
are you setting the babies up to fail??? are we going full-ham on the tanking, is this like last season's Red Sox when they were just like "eh fuck it" and start calling up all the kids, like did the trainers and the front office just throw all their notes in the air and go out for ice cream like
AND ANOTHER THING, also we're calling up a forward from Providence isntead of a d-man? but... why...
I am, like, so aggressively happy for Malcolm Subban because what else is there to be happy about!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Weird," Mr. Las says. "You became a Red Sox fan, and they tanked. You became a Bruins fan, and they're tanking. You didn't really give a shit about the Patriots, they won the Superbowl."
my name is las, i'm here to root for the boston malcolms
no subject
MALCOLM DOESN'T DESERVE THIS, YOU FUCKS.
YES HELLO I HAVE THE SAME CONCERNS.
no subject
no subject