whynot | NOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME YET THOUGH~~~~~~

I think sometimes I just want a fandom experience like SPN again, but idk, maybe not really, but maybe sometimes? Minus all the crap. (YOU KNOW THE CRAP OF WHICH I SPEAK.) Maybe that time has just passed? I loved my little corner of the internet 10 years ago, our little subcategory of chaos. Maybe I just miss LJ in general. All the supportive and spontaneous creativity. Now I just feel like Steve Buscemi with a skateboard on tumblr.

~~~~at this point i wandered off and saw misha's dean/cas tweet?????

SO ABOUT THAT. It felt so wild the first time Misha got all up in fandom's business and we were like OH MY GOD HE IS READING~ OUR STUFF teehee!!, but it was also the first time I saw the 'outside world' look our way. And not just the outside world but the ppl who made my canon, specifically. And sure it was weird sometimes, but I think now I'm glad it happened? Not that I wasn't glad then, or not glad, or what. My point is that now Roger Clark and Noshir Dalal are both like, "Please, ship Charthur to your heart's content!!!" and it's... idk, it makes me smile. We've come some ways, I think.

The Red Dead fics I'm loving are really really REALLY SAD and I spent all of Sunday curled up in a ball on the couch getting my heart stabbed by WORDS. Specifically these words. Spoilers for EVERYTHING. Spoilery spoilers everywhere. It felt like reading candle_beck's "Gone Again" or "The Rest of Your Life", that's how expansive and engulfing and utterly soul-crushing it is. Except it ends on a more hopeful note! AND YET I AM STILL IN PAIN.

If my next fic is just a romcom set in an artist commune in central Massachusetts modern AU, this is why.