whynot | RPF(/Narnia): A Band Apart snippet

Utter crack, partly the fault of

girlchild. Lucy Liu, Uma Thurman, and Quentin Tarantino are in Narnia receiving gifts from Father Christmas. idk, maybe they dropped too much acid at the Kill Bill afterparty. I also kind of want to see this go full-length. 144 words, rated PG, no spoilers/warnings.

"For you, little one--" says Father Christmas.

"I'm not little," Lucy cuts in.

"Er. Here is a flask, made of the clearest crystal, mined from the mountains of Archenland!"

Lucy unscrews it and sniffs. "What's in it?"

"Whiskey." Father Christmas turns to Uma. "And for you, Daughter of Eve: a katana, of the highest quality!"

Uma raises an eyebrow as she inspects it. "Also mined from Archenland?"

Father Christmas shrugs. "No, we commissioned it from Hanzo. Forced him out of retirement. You know it goes."

Uma nods. "Arigato."

"And for you, Quentin--"

"Yes?" Quentin cuts in, eyes shining in anticipation. "What do I get? No, don't tell me. Shuriken! No, not flashy enough. Flamethrower? A gun with a neverending cartridge?"

"For you, son of Adam," Father Christmas says, taking it out of his sack with the utmost care, "a motherfucking Uzi."

"Yessssss."