ahahaha what do you need me for? and they are both, well, yes, we're saying goodbye to him as he goes off to war, but we've done that a thousand times before. only difference is that this time not a one of us is going with him, and we don't know who's watching his back. but they can't tell their parents back. and edmund sits up nights with his hands buried in his hair, wishing he had peter's back the way he should, the way he always did. there are four of them for a reason.

susan throws a teapot at the wall and it shatters, streaking oolang across the wallpaper and china across the carpet. edmund catches her arms as she sinks down to the floor, the tears running freely down her face for the first time.

he holds her the way she used to wish someone would hold her, after they'd been shoved ingloriously out of narnia and back to the professor's. he kisses her forehead, and she can feel the tension in his body, because -- and she realizes belatedly, she's been selfish, selfish -- peter's his brother too and he's always been there for peter, but this time he can't follow peter to war for another two years, and by then it may be too late.

she kisses him, or tries to, and edmund turns his face away so that her lips brush his cheek instead of his mouth. of course, she thinks in some part of her mind, he's been here with peter. "i want," she tries to say, but the words are tangled up in each other; she doesn't know what language she's speaking.

"what do you want?" edmund says, and his voice is gentle. he's maddeningly calm. she hates him for it, a little bit.

"i want to go home," susan bursts out before she can help herself, "oh, god, i want to go home, i want things to be normal, i want --" she stops abruptly. "you," she finishes eventually, aware of edmund's calm gaze on her. "you're home."

"not quite," edmund replies.

"close enough," susan says, and the bitterness in her voice shocks her.


help help why do my capital letters go away! i need them!