whynot | (no subject)

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.recs,
.remix

(no subject)

I bring you a list of awesome.

1.

capslock_merlin. When I talk about this show it's mostly in capslock anyway, so, perfect. If you don't care about being spoiled for Episode 11, please click here omg.

2.

reel_merlin. A list of suggested movies for claiming. Back to the Future AU? Hitchhiker's Guide AU? JURASSIC PARK AU? OCEAN'S 11 AU?!? OMFG. I DON'T KNOW WHICH TO FLAIL ABOUT MORE AND THEY HAVEN'T BEEN WRITTEN YETfalskdf';slgk;dfk'g';dal;sfdlk

2a. Ages ago I fiddled with the idea of a Boondock Saints AU where Peter and Edmund destroy shit and kill people in the name of god ~~andthentheyhavesex~~. It's not like they'd be completely out of their element. Aslan is totally Il Duce, but damned if I know who Smecker would be. Caspian is Greenly.

3. Speaking of Boondock Saints, In God's Country is greenapple's drabble-remix of my Boondock Saints fic Big Sky Country and it (the remix) is AMAZING. AMAZING. Connor/Murphy (warning: incest etc), rated R. Big ups to her for condensing 5000 words down to 400. Oh my gosh you guys, BOONDOCK SAINTS. GOOD TIMES. (Also, what is it about a canon with religious themes that makes it so prone to incest?)

4.

amory_vain remixed my Y Tu Mama Tambien fic here, and it is HOT. I, um... didn't do my drabble remix because I never got my assignment, and then I forgot about it. I FAIL REMIXTHEDRABBLE. But I talked to the mods and they say I can get in on it anyway, late as I am. If I do, I'll apparently be drabbling Heroes!

5. I like to go on TV Tropes' Merlin page and see new stuff get added to it after every episode. Is it just me or are the examples for HoYay/FoeYay extremely skimpy. It is not just me. Camelot is totally crawling with STDs. ETA: Was it one of you guys that added that last bit to Hoyay??

BACK TO THESIS.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

edmund lets lucy drive them home because he still doesn't trust himself to drive stoned, and on the way she babbles abou the time she and christa drove stoned back from smoking at the stop 'n shop parking lot, "and all the cars on the road were, like, going so fast, and we were like, going so fast and we were all what the fuck, crazy speedsters, but then we looked at the speedometer and we were going 25." edmund laughs at all the right places, and she giggles along with him.

they stop at a taco bell drive-through, and while they're inching towards the pick-up window, lucy says, "thanks, ed."

edmund rolls his eyes and says, "whatever, dorkus."

they come back to see susan chain smoking on the steps of the apartment building, with eyes rimmed red and a closed-off look, and lucy thinks, uh-oh.

"where's pete?" edmund asks after a moment's hesitation.

"he's out getting cigarettes," susan replies holllowly.

edmund and lucy exchange glances, then, she ventures, "are you okay?"

"i'm just--" susan begins. then she sighs, and tells them she is fine.

+

lucy puts the shrooms in a plastic baggie and stuffs them in her underwear drawer. she should've done that first thing, but she hadn't exactly been thinking straight coming back from ben's. it had been a split-second decision, after collecting her underwear off his bedroom floor, to open his closet door and wrench with spiteful clumsiness the shrooms he had been cultivating with care all these months. it was just to piss him off, and by the voicemails he's been leaving her, it seems to have worked.

lucy stops checking her voicemail eventually.

edmund keeps following peter the rest of the night, although it's not exactly hard; peter goes home with the guy, whoever he is, which leaves a hard, angry lump in the pit of edmund's stomach. he's never stopped to think that peter might want to leave them.

he parks across the street and watches peter and the stranger get out of peter's car, peter trapping the guy up against his door as they kiss. the stranger's older, in his mid to late twenties, probably, with dark hair and sharp features. edmund doesn't like him.

peter sure seems to, though, and when the stranger manages to pry peter off him long enough to open the door peter sets to work on getting his clothes off. the door closes on their laughter.

edmund's pretty sure it's the light in the bedroom that goes on after that, which doesn't particularly do much for his temper. he scrubs a hand over his face, hard, and is a little surprised to feel tears there.

"you fucking bastard," he says, and has absolutely no idea who he's addressing.

-
-

he ends up spending the night in the stolen car, parked out in front of the stranger's house. he's not quite too wired to sleep, but he doesn't sleep restfully; he wakes up at every little noise, which means he notices when the light goes back on in the house across the street.

when peter comes out an hour or so later, it's to find edmund leaning against his (peter's) car, arms folded across his chest.

peter frowns at him, then reaches into his pocket and tosses him the keys. edmund catches them neatly in mid-air and unlocks the car.

on the drive back to their rented house, peter seems more -- relaxed. calmer. not nearly as restless and high-strung as he's been for...well, for years now.

just as they pull back into the driveway, before edmund turns the car off, he says, a little more viciously than he means, "have fun?"

peter eyes him for a moment. "yes," he says, and gets out.

when peter gets thrown in jail the first time, they trundle off to see him just the once, really quickly. "we have to," lucy insists, although edmund and susan are hesitant. edmund has the idea that now that peter is in jail, the job of leader now rests on his shoulders, and he thinks maybe the best idea is to just get on the road and run. just for now. they'll come back and see peter when it's safer. (he knows he's being a little ridiculous with the leader thing, because it's not like the pevensies are some dictatorship and peter is a crazy dictator. but with peter in jail, edmund finds himself thinking back to all the times they have all just naturally followed peter's lead. peter wears command as easily as kings wear crowns. how is edmund going to live up to that?)

"we've got enough things to do without having to nurse his ego," susan snaps. "peter is a big boy, he can take care of himself, and we have to do the same."

"he would see you if you were in jail," lucy says accusingly.

"no, he wouldn't," says susan, "because i wouldn't be stupid enough to get thrown in jail."

"but if you were," lucy says evenly. "stupid enough, that is. he would."

"all right, that's enough," says edmund. "su, i know you're angry at him. none of us are very happy with him right now but i think--"

"oh, god, ed," susan cries out. "save it." and she turns on her heels and walks off.

"where the hell are you going?" edmund demands.

"gonna buy cigarettes," susan calls over shoulder, "and maybe when i come back, you'll be off your high horse, yeah?"

there is the slightest hint of a sag in his shoulders, just enough for lucy to notice. she puts her hand on edmund's back and says softly, "hey."

edmund mumbles something vague and terse, moving away from her touch.

+

but after she buys the cigarettes, she goes to a bar. a nice one, where they have a live bossa nova band doing astrud gilberto covers and where the whiskey sours cost ten dollars. she only has to buy herself the first drink, and the rest she lets some guy buy for her because he has peter's soft blond hair and air of hubris. his name is arthur, and susan tries not to laugh at the name, laughs instead at his jokes about airplane stewardesses and the differing costs of taxis across the country.

"you travel a lot?" asks susan through a tipsy grin.

arthur grins back just as tipsily. "it's my job."

they end up fucking in a bathroom stall in the ladies' room, breathless and messy, and arthur sucks hard on the side of her neck as she digs her nails into his back, as they thrust and thrust and thrust, irregular with clumsiness and booze. suddenly he has his hand under her shirt and he's pushing up her bra, and his hands are rough on her breasts. susan moans into his skin, kisses him and bites his lip.

someone comes in to use the bathroom in the middle of their tryst, not that this hinders them. after the woman washes her hands and before she leaves, she calls out, "honey, i hope you're using protection in there!"

"of course!" arthur calls out, and susan laughs.

he comes; she doesn't. she lets him think otherwise. they straighten their clothes squished together in the stall, and then in a gesture of camaraderie they straighten each other's clothes. arthur brushes imaginary dust from susan's shoulders, and susan reaches up to smooth down his hair. they giggle like teenagers.

"so," says arthur. "who's peter?"

he asks her to come back to his hotel room with him but she declines, and they part with a kiss and his business card in her hand. susan glances at it once -- arthur pendragon, vp of the albion foundation -- and tosses it in the trash.

+

(YES THAT'S RIGHT. i HAD TO DO IT. it was really only a matter of time. mmmm, rusty/peter/arthur, ot3 of smirking blonditude.)

"you look good," is the first thing peter says to her when they're alone. 'alone' meaning edmund and lucy are standing some distance away because peter wants to talk to susan just the two of them.

"thanks," she replies, voice flat. "i can't say the same for you."

the conversation proceeds as she predicted: there are reasons and justifications instead of apologies, entreaties and promises based on nothing concrete, and yet more than once susan feels her heart teeter on the verge of giving in. "su," he would plead, and then she would want to reach across and take his hand, or touch his face, because this is peter, her older brother and oldest friend, who knows her as no one else does, who has loved her as no one else does, and loves her still.

susan says instead, "i'm tired of this shit."

"i know i'm not your favorite person right now," says peter, "but things will be different, when i get out--"

"oh, peter. don't lie."

more than a few times during the conversation, she notices peter's eyes alight on the love bites on her neck, but he doesn't ask any questions so susan doesn't offer any explanations.

then, time's up.

"i love you," peter blurts out as he's being led away.

susan smiles, a little sadly. "i love you too."

and he's gone, and she leaves, and when lucy slips her hand into hers and squeezes, susan squeezes back. no one says anything until they're in the car and on the road; lucy turns on the radio and edmund declares, with vehemence, that this station sucks.

OH LASS.

it doesn't take a genius to see that while peter has been missing, he has also been getting himself laid. susan is torn between wanting to beat him to death and trying to avoid bursting into tears at awkward moments.

"did you have fun?" she asks coldly. "was she pretty? did she bat her eyes and flip her hair and drink some kind of fruity cocktail with an umbrella stuck in it?"

peter turns around from the stove, where he's frowning at the omelet he's making. "it wasn't a she," he says, and that doesn't make any sense whatsoever, at least until it does.

susan doesn't actually realize she's slapped peter until he flinches back, the mark of her hand red on his face. "oh, go to hell, you bastard," she spits, and storms out.

"susan!" peter yells after her, and she slams the door in his face.

it's probably not all that rational that she's mad at him, because it's not like they're married or engaged or even dating -- they're not boyfriend and girlfriend, they're brother and sister. and if peter wants to go screwing around with whoever he wants, that's his business. she just hadn't expected it to be a man and for some reason that hurts more than if it had been another woman. she hadn't thought -- she hadn't ever been given any reason to think that peter might --

he opens the door behind her, carefully. "susan?" he says, sounding uncertain.

"i can't talk to you right now," susan says. "i'm mad at you."

"okay," peter says. "i'm not going anywhere."

SORRY, I JUST HAVE THIS PROBLEM WITH IMPROBABLE CROSSOVER SHIPPING. it's a conditionnnnnn.

edmund isn't peter and susan is very aware of it. she knows edmund is very aware of it too, the way he's taken on being on edge and overprotective of her and lucy. it's not like anyone asked him to be. then again, it's not like anyone asked peter to be either.

well, susan thinks, whatever, let edmund be whatever he wants to be, because she can't be assed these days and lucy, being the youngest, has never taken to mothering the way her siblings have. lucy works from the sides, from below. they forgive edmund his pretensions because they know he will outgrow them, because, with the kind of life they lead, you quickly outgrow the things you don't need. edmund will find whatever it is that he does out of the umbrage of peter's shadow, and he will do it well. he will have to. (and maybe that's the thing. they are all out of peter's shadow now, and the sun is blindingly bright, burns the skin.)

edmund is better with money than peter, and at talking to the shmucks they con. they like his goofy grin and his quiet manner; he inspires simultaneously feelings of respect and a strange desire to tousle his hair. he knows he's sometimes gawky and he plays this to his advantage. edmund's grifts are not peter's grifts, but they work. his body is not peter's body and he doesn't fuck her the way peter fucks her, but he is still her brother and susan loves him all the same.

+

"she's been like that since peter went to jail," edmund says.

"she's been like that since before peter went to jail," lucy points out. "though that made it worse."

"so, since idaho?"

"i think before idaho."

they don't know that she can hear them from the bathroom. susan dries her hair and stares at her reflection in the mirror, wondering, when did it start?

"she's beginning to slip a little at her work," edmund muses.

"yeah," lucy replies, "but she always pulls through in the end."

"maybe next time she won't."

susan thinks maybe the more important question is, when will it end?

+

the first time they happened was back in idaho when lucy was with ben and peter was missing and kirke was off making connections for the weekend. edmund had just gotten back from the bar 'cos damn, he just needed to get out of that apartment sometimes. but maybe that night he should've stayed home, because when he got home, the scene that greeted him was letterman on the tv, susan was passed out on the couch, and less than half a bottle of wine on the coffee table.

"you could've come to the bar with me," he said at her prone form. there was no response.

he could've left things there, maybe should have left things there, but then he squatted down next to the couch, stroked her stray bangs from her face, and she said in a voice heavy with wine and sleep, "peter?"

"no, it's just me."

susan reached out a clumsy hand and caught the back of edmund's head, then pulled him down to kiss her. his stomach twisted and he gasped against her lips, and he thought back away, then he thought what's going on?, then he told himself to man up and not pretend like he didn't know what was going on. like ignorance might excuse him from not stopping this kiss.

"susan," edmund choked out, and her tongue dipped into his mouth when his lips parted. her hand ran through his hair and her fingers were cool against his scalp. he could feel his heart thudding in his chest. "it's edmund," he said, throat dry. "not peter."

and yet he stayed very still, letting her leave small soft kisses along his bottom lip. letting her nip at them, and remembering with a vengeance all the times he had guiltily ogled her, the soft curves of her body, how he had relished her touch at every easy embrace. some part of his mind was still telling him back away, back away, for so many reasons back away, but then susan replied, a little wistfully, "yeah."

and that was when he started kissing her back. tentatively at first, as his stomach dropped out from the thrill and horror of secrets fulfilled, then with increasing insistence as susan continued to tangle her fingers in his hair, making these sighing noises at the back of her throat that drove him wild.

"we should, um..." susan whispered.

edmund, slightly disoriented: "huh?"

instead of replying, susan just pushed herself up, stood up on wobbly legs (edmund grabbed her arms to steady her), then took edmund's hand and led him to what edmund realized with a lump in his throat was the bedroom she shared with peter.

who was drunker here? an almost full bottle of wine is more than a couple of beers, but susan had slept some of that off. who was taking advantage of who? or should edmund not think of it like that? should he not think of it at all? how do susan and peter pull it off?

susan closed the bedroom door behind her. she locked it.

"afraid i'll run away?" edmund joked nervously.

she just smiled, said, "don't be silly, ed," and pushed him to the bed.

MAYBE NEXT THERE WILL BE THE ENSUING PORN, WHO KNOWS. NOT I.

huh. is this happening at the same time as peter/mysterious man or not? (in my head it is osumare seaworth, but he's, uh, patently not canon.)

it is not edmund's fault that they get snowed in at a cabin in maine. it's not peter's, either, no matter what susan yells on him on the phone before the lines go down. snowed in is no one's fault except the weather.

okay, granted, the fact that they're up here at all is peter's fault, but hey, they were supposed to be out of here before the promised storm blew in; it's no one's fault that it came in early, unless peter can control the weather, and he's prowling the cabin restlessly, staring at the gathering white drifts outside like he can melt them by the sheer power of his stare.

edmund prods at the fire. he's really, really hoping he doesn't accidentally burn down the cabin, because that would suck, but at least the resort owner had laid aside a pretty good stockpile of cut wood at each cabin. it's like they're back in the old west, or something. at least there's still power, even if the phone lines are down, but edmund has no idea how long the power's going to last. television reception sucks, and there's a very sparse collection of books and movies on the shelves. and when their laptop batteries die, then they're really going to be screwed, because they'll be trapped with nothing to do except play chess and checkers and -- for some reason -- twister. and read, but the books include lord of the rings, three tarzan novels, two survival books (oh, that's encouraging), and the witching hour with half the pages missing. hopefully they're the actual plot-pages, not the good ones; edmund hasn't checked yet. he's hoping he doesn't have to.

peter turns away from the window and runs a hand through his hair, which sends it sticking up in all directions. edmund doesn't bother commenting on that, just sits back on one of the beds and pokes at his laptop, trying to salvage something out of the job. the clemington-davies also vacation in summer, maybe that would be a better choice than winter.

"please tell me the weather report says this is going to clear up sometime soon," he says.

"can't," edmund replies. "we don't have any internet."

peter flops down onto the other bed and throws an arm up over his eyes. "go ahead and say this was a bad idea," he says.

"would it help?"

"a little."

"it was a bad idea," edmund supplies.

which is when the lights flicker.

peter takes his arm away from his face. "tell me i just imagined that," he says.

"you just imagined that," edmund says.

which is when the lights go out.

"fuck," peter says succinctly.

at least they still have the light from edmund's laptop screen to see by.

AHAHA THE CHANNELING OF YOUR WINTER ANGST
the second comment is during peter/osumare and lucy/ben, the first comment is after the first time peter goes to jail and they're zipping around the country while susan continues to lose her faith (and miss peter).

and this next part is after peter gets out of jail (the first time).

"...and we haven't talked to her for god knows how long now," shrugs lucy, stirring her milkshake with a straw. "though to be fair, i guess she hasn't talked to us either."

peter speaks around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "huh. good to know the silent treatment wasn't specific to me."

"yeah thank god," edmund mutters.

"strange though," peter muses, "making all this noise about a normal life and then she goes and hangs herself over miraz's arm. i mean, being filthy rich isn't exactly what i call normal. it's a little ironic."

lucy says, "susan is too sincere to have a talent for irony. kind of like yourself."

peter frowns. "was... that a compliment?"

"what does it matter?" says edmund. "she's gone, okay? it's us three now."

"hmm," is all peter says, and then he changes the subject.

man, i would hate to have to timeline this out, because i am kind of not sure if we are contradicting ourselves from WAY BACK WHEN. just like how i would hate to wordcount it again. I BET WE PASS 50K BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

OH BAH I AM JUST TRYING TO GET TO PETER/EDMUND.

edmund wakes up in the middle of night kind of surprised to find he's not freezing; when he opens his eyes, he sees that the fire's burned down to coals. but he's warm, warmer than even the down comforter can account for, and he puzzle that over for a few minutes until he realizes that someone else is in the bed with him.

"peter," he says, and peter mumbles into his neck, "go back to sleep, ed."

"you're in bed with me," edmund points out, squirming around.

peter groans and raises himself up on one elbow. he looks tired and younger than usual, his hair mussed and his blue eyes bloodshot. "the temperature dropped another ten degrees," he says. "warmer this way."

"yeah, okay," edmund agrees, and puts his head back down. "what's it at now?"

"you really, really don't want to know," peter informs him, voice startlingly gentle. edmund always forgets that he can be like that, forgets who peter was before he hit high school and started hanging around with dino falcone.

"probably not," edmund says, watching his brother.

peter smiles down at him, a little absently; without something to fight he's mellowed, smoother and sweeter than usual. edmund's not sure whether to be reassured or freaked out.

"go back to sleep," he murmurs. "it's not like there's anything else to do."

"there is the one thing," edmund says.

peter's eyebrows go up. "no offense, ed, but i don't think twister is going to work with only two people."

"not twister," edmund says, and leans up, feeling reckless. one part of his brain is pointing out that this is not really the best idea -- neither of them has anywhere to run to.

the other part of his brain is saying, hey, pevensie, that's the point.

peter's lips are a lot softer than they look.

did we ever explicitly say susan and edmund were banging before peter went to jail? i'm kind of hanging on the leeway that peter finds out about edmund and susan doing it after he gets out of jail, and at first he's like :-/ but ultimately it just leads to that beautiful polyamory we all know and love.

MORE PETER/EDMUND. yeah i kind of failed at my edmund/lucy pevencest attempt back there. they were just so cute being platonic! also, i didn't want him swooping in like a creep when lucy was vulnerable. though... i guess he kind of did that with susan? OR DID SUSAN SWOOP IN ON HIM??

in keeping with the winter theme!:

aravis sees snow for the first time when lune takes them all to boston for christmas one year. she makes cor switch seats with her before descent so she can look out the window, and when they're standing on the sidewalk of terminal E with their bags waiting for the driver to come around, aravis wanders to the bushes and bends down to gaze in wonder at its crown of snow.

"you'll love snow a lot less when the cold sinks in," says corin's voice behind her. then it says, "no! don't put it in your mouth!"

lune has a house out in lexington, and once they have all slept the dead sleep of the jetlagged and convened in the kitchen for breakfast, aravis reels off a winter to-do list she has compiled from a list of movies and things she had seen on tv. it includes: building a snowman, building a snow fort, snowball fights, sledding, skiing ("we'll go to canada for skiing," lune assures her), and this is when corin cuts in and says, "woah woah woah. we can't do all that in one day."

"we'll have to get an early start!" says aravis.

"i bet you won't even want to be out there after like half an hour!"

"stop pooping her party, corin," grins cor. "if the lady wants to frolic in the snow, let her frolic in the snow."

and aravis grins back at him, and the space in her heart that only cor occupies grows just a little bit more.

and then shrinks a little bit less when, once all bundled up and out blinking in the brightness of the snow, the twins suddenly manhandle her, grabbing her limbs -- "what are you--?!" she shrieks -- and toss her into a snowbank. aravis sputters snow as cor and corin make a run for it, hooting with laughter. she shouts curses at them as she tries to stand back on her feet, but it's not as easy as she had thought because the snow is loose and gives way easily. she ends up falling on her face again, and there is redoubled laughter from the other side of the yard.

"what the fuck!" she yells, and then she runs (or tries to run -- it's difficult through loose snow) at them, and then the games really begin. the snow is not ideal snowball snow, so she kicks and swats the piles of snow at them like sprays of water. cor and corin sprint at her like dive-bombing airplanes, and instigate drive-by shovings that do on more than one occasion knock her back into the snow. "you'll be sorry when i build my snow fort!" she shouts, snow in her mouth.

"on your feet, aravis!" says cor. "if you don't pass this test, we won't take you sledding!"

"yeah whatever!" aravis quickly packs down a snowball and holds it between mittened hands. "i'll go sledding without you!" and runs after him, throwing arm raised.

lass, babe, we got ourselves an offer (http://bedlamsbard.livejournal.com/347808.html?thread=2933152#t2933152). at this point i'll turn it over to you, because otherwise i'll just flap my hands and bluster.

we did not explicitly say, i think, but there is all the rumor. although. what's the yearspan you got between them running off and the mafia affair? because i've been dropping "fifteen years", but i feel we're not getting the build-up to that scale of job. i don't know, though.

is it bad i am kind of desperate to know how the shasta/cor thing played out in this 'verse? (and were edmund and susan involved?)

there's a moment where peter's frozen in surprise, then he starts kissing edmund back. his hair is soft between edmund's fingers when he pulls his brother's head down.

"ed," peter says against his mouth, pressing little kisses against edmund's bottom lip.

"pete," edmund says back. he reaches down one-handed for the edge of peter's sweatshirt, presses his fingers to the inch of hot skin between that and the top of peter's sweatpants.

peter hisses out a breath between his teeth and says, "have you ever --"

"no," edmund says, "but i know you have." he leans up to kiss peter again, sliding his hand up his brother's back, feeling the knobs of his spine.

"oh," peter says faintly, kissing him back. "okay, that's -- okay."

then edmund rolls them over.

:-OOOOO
crazy! but also... cool. we should say yes! okay i'll say yes.
OKAY HOLD ON I THINK I'M MIXING UP MY INCEST. WHAT I THINK I MEANT is that susan and edmund start sleeping together in idaho when when lucy is off with her deadbeat boyfriend and peter goes missing to go binge-screw guys like a closet case. and that's a few years after they flee finchley, they're still relatively young (lucy's first time falling head over heels in love, after all). so, peter doesn't get arrested for the first time until yeeeeeaaaaars after that, so yes, there is time for a buildup to the scale of that kind of job.

me too! it nags at the edge of my mind. edmund and susan being involved would probably be ideal, so they can have sexytimes in whichever exotic locale cor is being held at. hfsdjk and i totally wanted to write peter/corin on more than one occasion.

and here's a LITTLE bit of porn:

"go slow," susan breathes, face flushed. "go slow."

and god, he should, but he doesn't know if he can. edmund keeps his eyes closed as he fucks his sister because if he looks at susan, she's looking back at him, she's watching with these sex eyes and no fear, and it makes him feel obscene. (even more obscene.) if he looks anywhere else, he still sees peter's clothes strewn all over the place.

"susan," he manages, in a strangled sort of tone. "oh, fuck..."

edmund puts all his weight on his arms as he comes, gasping and cursing into her hair. he collapses on top of her, and she puts her arms around him, kisses his cheek.

"...sorry," edmund rasps.

susan laughs sharply. "oh god, edmund, don't say that to your real girlfriend after sex, okay? what are you sorry for?"

he rolls off her, content and unsettled, but mostly content. susan looks thoughtful, but then again she's had more experience having sex with her brother than he has. edmund eases the condom off his cock and replies, "for... not going slow. did you come?"

she hesitates before answering. "no. but we were both a little drunk."

and edmund wants to ask, when you kissed me on the couch, did you really know it was me, or did you think it was peter? but such questions would achieve nothing, so he let sleeping dogs lie. he reaches over the side of the bed and drops the condom in the trash can and avoids looking directly in it just in case he sees other used condoms in there.

"you want a cigarette?" susan offers, holding her pack out at him. she has one in her mouth, and a lighter in her other hand.

"yeah," says edmund. "definitely."

+

and when he kisses lucy for the first time, it's kind of like being in a flashback and watching yourself. lucy goes very still, does not press forward, does not pull back, and it's only when edmund says her name, very softly against her lips, that she starts kissing back. but the kisses never become insistent, never impatient. it doesn't end with anyone leading anyone into the bedroom, but instead with lucy smiling and kissing the tip of edmund's nose.

"edmund," she says, as softly as he had said her name against her lips. "we have to go back to work."

"i know."

they don't move for a few seconds, then lucy giggles as she shoves edmund's face with a gloved hand and he squawks indignantly. then they both go back to work.

so timeline-wise we have:
finchley (high school, peter/susan, the falcone gang, the greg flaherty thing, edmund's fight, then the job where one of falcone's guys gets killed and dino blames peter)
the pevensies on the run (little jobs)
atlantic city (peter and susan meet kirke)
dino falcone catches up with them
...then at some point we have the pevensies making contact with kirke for the first time
...also at some indeterminate point the pevensies fall in with lune? (because it's mentioned somewhere, that lune wants them to do something in france during the idaho layover)
the atlantic city job that goes bad
galma, idaho (lucy/ben, peter/osumare, edmund/susan)
...timespan where the pevensies build up their reputation (peter sleeps with men)
the maine job that goes bad (peter/edmund)
...more work with lune and the twins, and with danny and rusty
the job that goes bad and gets peter caught at in jail
susan leaves and takes up with miraz
edmund and lucy visit finchley
peter gets out of jail (does bongo abruzzo get killed the first time peter's in jail or the second?)
the vegas job
peter goes back to jail
the new york job (mafia, philippines, etc.)

does that sound about right? am i forgetting anything?

oooh, peter/corin, yes, i highly approve.

there is a job that they do in miami, where they realize that they're going to have to be doing some diving. all four of them stare at the clear blue water with no little dismay.

"we're going to have to hire out," edmund says finally.

lucy expects peter to protest, because he's not particularly fond of pulling outsiders into their jobs, but all he does is hold up one finger and say, "let me make a phone call."

"do you know a diver?" edmund says disbelievingly. this is the first time they've gotten themselves involved in underwater work, and from his expression, he'd like it to be the last time.

peter glances over his shoulder as he walks away, but doesn't say anything. lucy trails after him.

"hey, oz," he says warmly. "it's peter pevensie, we met in galma -- yeah, i'm great. listen, i'm in miami right now. where are you? you busy? you want to make a little extra money? cash up front. sure, if your friend can be trusted." he laughs. "i'll tell you when you get down here. go ahead and fly first-class; i'll pay you back for the tickets later. oh, yeah, seaworth, i'll definitely buy you a drink. maybe two, if you're lucky." his voice is light and he's grinning. "see you tomorrow," he says, and snaps his cell phone shut.

then he turns around and sees lucy watching him.

"is that the guy you were sleeping with in idaho?" she asks.

peter flinches. "how did you --" he says, then bites his lip. "look, he was a navy seal. there's no one better, and i trust him."

"if susan doesn't kill him," lucy declares, then turns around and goes back to edmund and susan, who are watching them curiously. peter follows, more slowly.

peter and susan definitely went to france, corin referenced it. he was there with them. also there was that time corin made out with lucy in bangkok. susan, edmund, and lucy went to the philippines at some point, and edmund and lucy danced in the rain. i def wanna get to corin/someone soon, that kid is not averse to getting laid. i am also still enamored of the idea of rusty/arthur/peter...

meanwhile back in florida:

peter comes back to the motel room to find susan and edmund under the covers. they're not undressed, but peter wagers their hands are probably somewhere not g-rated.

"pete," says ed by way of greeting. his voice is kind of fuzzy, and peter definitely knows where susan's hands are.

"ed," peter nods. "su."

susan raises an eyebrow at him. "did you have a good night."

"i had an excellent night," peter replies evenly.

"with oz."

"yes, with oz. i had an excellent night with oz," peter snaps. "do you two need a minute? i'll just come back later, shall i?"

"why don't you join us?" and susan's tone is not one of invitation, but challenge. they've already discussed this, peter's thing with men, but there is still something in her request that smells of revenge. peter's not sure whether to be flattered or frustrated. either way, he's not backing down.

edmund says, "room for one more."

"always," adds susan. she sits up in bed and peter revises his earlier observation about being dressed, because although susan is wearing a blouse, it is rather thoroughly unbuttoned. her breasts are pale, her nipples pink and hard. peter wonders if she is wearing panties.

susan says, "it's impolite to stare, brother of mine."

peter shrugs off his blazer, loosens his tie, and when he's close enough to the bed, he finds himself suddenly grabbed and tugged onto the bed. peter falls face-first between his siblings, and before he can protest about how expensive his new shirt is, it is ripped from his body, buttons flying. susan kisses him roughly; someone undoes his belt, and edmund pulls off his pants.

"bring your boyfriend around tonight," edmund says casually, his hand wrapping around peter's cock.

"like he said," susan murmurs into peter's mouth, "there is room for one more."

as it turns out, susan is wearing panties. but not for long.

BECAUSE. edmund and susan revenge-mindfuckery on peter and oz, which all leads to hot sex, is probably a good way to go. just putting it out there.

YUM. edmund and susan revenge-mindfuckery on peter is AWESOME.

susan has no idea what she's expecting when she meets osumare (oz, he says) seaworth for the first time, but it's not this. peter may have crap taste in general, but he has good taste in men; seaworth is extremely good-looking.

she can't tell if he's aware that he's walking into a tense situation or not, but his laugh is easy and his smile is wide and genuine. and, she admits grudgingly, he probably does know how to dive.

still, it doesn't help when she goes outside the bar to smoke a cigarette and sees peter and oz making out in the alley out back, hands all over each other.

susan contemplates burning the bar down and seeing if they notice, but that's maybe a little extreme.

-
-

she sees seaworth a few times after that, but she does her best to steer them away from water-related jobs, so there's no need for his...services. peter has a knack for finding lovers that come in handy, though, so there's no shortage of that. he even tends to part on good terms with them, which is just ridiculous, since susan certainly can't manage it.

the one place she's not expecting to see seaworth is on the gaming floor of one of miraz's casinos, nursing a drink and sitting at one of the slot machines. she moves to steer away, but he looks up before she can get more than a few steps away.

"susan pevensie." his voice is warm and amused, good-natured enough.

there's no escape. "oz seaworth," she says. "how've you been?"

"all right. how about yourself?"

"i'm fine." they chat for a few minutes, susan trying to find a good opening to make an escape, and then seaworth says, "i suppose you're here with your siblings?"

"no, i'm not, actually."

"how is peter?"

"he's in prison," she says blandly.

"oh, that's too bad," seaworth says, not missing a beat.

what title SHALL we have for this AU of all things illicit? something that encompasses transience? LIKE, what stays constant as the scenes around them change. bonus points for gratuitous mentions of alcohol and/or playing cards.

okay, an hour OR SO after my previous comment:

"are you serious?" peter demands of the bathroom door. "guys." he hears the shower turning on. "i thought there was room for one more."

"three's a crowd in the bathroom," says susan, who isn't bothering hiding her self-satisfaction. "fuck off."

peter bangs once on the door. "hey!"

"ease out, pete," says edmund cheerfully. "we'll be done soon."

so instead, peter goes to the room that edmund and lucy are sharing. he's in the middle of his shower when the bathroom door opens.

"ed" says lucy's voice.

"it's me. ed's with susan." he pokes his head out of the shower and wipes the water from his eyes. "hey."

"what?" lucy's shirt is on the counter and she's unhooking her bra.

"what's the deal with ed and susan?"

"do you really need me to tell you that?" replies lucy. she undoes the buttons on her jeans and pushes them down with her underwear. "make room in there."

peter steps backward and lucy steps in. she shakes out her hair and tilts her head back, soaking it, and he says, "they want me to bring oz around tonight, then they lock me out of the bathroom."

"pass me that soap, would you? are you going to bring him, then?"

"of course not."

lucy rolls her eyes. "what are they gonna do? shoot him and throw his body in the ocean?"

+

"i can soap myself, you know," says lucy, amused.

"well," says peter, "you missed a spot."

+

even with the steam and the heat, the ceramic tiles of the bathroom are cold against her back.

lucy whispers, "we should probably--"

peter says, "you want to stop?"

"i'm not getting mixed up in whatever game you, edmund, and susan have going on."

"fair enough." he presses a kiss against her skin. "we'll play our own game."

"i don't want any games."

"all right. so," says peter, "you want to stop?"

"peter--" says lucy, and then gasps.

"why, lucy, you're all wet."

"we are in the shower," lucy replies, a little tightly.

peter says, "do you want to move to somewhere drier?"

"like..." and then lucy inhales sharply, sighs shakily. "god, peter..."

"like back to the bedroom," he suggests.

"yeah," lucy breathes against his lips. "the bedroom's pretty dry."

+

lucy uses her teeth, so peter does too.

he says, "tell me if i'm hurting you."

she laughs. "i'm indestructible, peter."

+

peter is halfway through his cigarette when there's a knock on the door.

"yo, it's me," says turk's voice. "i got those blueprints."

"it's never over," peter mumbles.

"it's life," says lucy. "put a shirt on."

+

"really?" muses oz, and then he gets this look in his eyes that peter has come to recognize. the outcomes of such looks can go excellently or awfully depending, but either way it always gets your blood going. "what time did they say?"

the glass of scotch halts on the way to peter's mouth. "wait. you're actually considering it?"

oz grins at him. "come on, it'll be fun."

OH GOSH i do not know.

boy, is peter getting lucky that day.

trust peter to pick up a cop.

and not just any cop, a fed.

seriously, susan has no idea how they've managed not to get arrested beforehand. if she can read a cop from a block away, peter should be able to too, but no, instead she walks into their hotel room to find the bed occupied.

"i don't believe you!" she exclaims, throwing up her hands and letting the blueprints scatter across the floor. for the love of god, the fed's gun is tangled in with his jacket and pants on the floor. either peter is really that oblivious or he really likes playing with fire.

"uh," says the fed, scrambling for his pants.

"susan," peter says, "come on."

"are you stupid?" susan demands. "i mean, really, are you stupid? or suicidal? because there are much easier ways to get into jail!"

"probably not as much fun, though," peter points out reasonably.

she reaches down, wads up one of the blueprints, and throws it at his head.

the fed stops what he's doing, looks at the papers she's just dropped, then back and forth between the two of them. "oh, hey," he begins. "you two aren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend, are you?"

"if we were, he would be so dumped," susan says, and ignores peter as he makes a sharp throat-cutting gesture.

"you're peter and susan pevensie, aren't you," the fed says, like it's not a question at all. "we've been looking for you."

susan has never seen peter move so quickly in her life.

IKR, i've half a mind to give him or susan some sort of STD.

i think this happens sometime before peter goes to jail the first time:

peter is at the back of the bar in animated conversation with a knot of strangers, which is a little bit unusual, but maybe he's had one too many before susan showed up. either way, it's time to withdraw him from the group.

susan taps him on the shoulder. "pete, we've got--"

and peter turns around and it's not peter. her jaw drops.

"susan!" arthur crows cheerily. "what are you doing in new york?"

+

the pendragon foundation is a philanthropic organization, headquartered in new york and with its fingers in many pies. "our interests are many," arthur is explaining to her. "gawain here is in charge of the environmental sustainability petitions, bedevere does microfinance development, robin is children & education..." and he continues around the circle naming everyone and their specializations, and susan begins to glaze over.

"it also helps that his father is very rich," says the dark-haired guy next to her. he's dressed more low-key than the rest of arthur's coterie and he hasn't said much so far.

"and that scrawny example of insouciance next to you," arthur finishes, raising his drink to him, "is merlin, my PA."

"PA?" susan echoes.

"personal assistant," offers merlin, and susan begins to wonder what she saw in arthur in the first place.

+

but she remembers outside when she arthur smoke a cigarette. they are giddy with alcohol and a mutual appreciation for each other's hotness, which here are symbolized by affectionate arrogance and enthusiastic anecdote-telling.

arthur finishes his cigarette before she does and lights another one, so when susan finishes hers, she lights another too.

he's in the middle of some tale involving water sanitation in the czech countryside when she hears a throat clearing and, "su."

susan whirls around, and it is peter, lighting his cigarette, raising an eyebrow at her.

wait, but didn't susan meet arthur for the first time when peter was in jail? the first time.

but then again, trust peter to pick up a cop -- pick up a federal agent -- blow his cover, and still stay in touch with the guy. on good terms, at that.

"it's cool, su," he says. "all good, s'long as we don't pull any jobs in los angeles."

"we are in la right now," susan points out dangerously.

"don't pull any jobs that can be easily pinned on us," he clarifies. "otherwise, you know, colby might feel inclined to hunt us down. although we're kind of small fry for him, apparently his team does a lot of high-profile stuff, very hush-hush."

susan may or may not whimper a little bit.

-
-

still, five years later or so, it says something about peter that he can pick up the phone and dial something with an la area code. she picks up the other line just because she has got to hear how this particular conversation goes.

the phone rings once, twice, three times, and then there's a click and a vaguely distracted voice saying, "granger."

"hey, colby," peter says in a low, silky voice. "this is peter pevensie. how've you been?"

"i'd say better than you, but i've had an interesting couple of years," colby granger says, his voice perking up a little. "how was stir?"

"food sucked. listen, you still down in la?"

"yeah. but i'm guessing you're not, what with the manhattan area code and all that."

"well," peter says, "after i finish up my business here, i have it in mind to go see the sights in california, take my kid sister to disneyland and all that --"

"lucy is twenty-eight," susan says dryly, covering the mouthpiece of her phone with hand.

peter waves his free hand at her.

"-- and i'd love to meet up for a drink. on me, of course. at least the first few rounds."

"strictly legal business?"

"of course."

she can hear the humor in colby's voice, and for a surprising moment, susan thinks that she might actually like him very much, if she'd met him for more than the two minutes she'd been in the same room with him and peter. "let me guess: you want a favor."

"you know me so well, granger."

"so what is it?" there's a muffled shout in the background, and colby says, "hey, personal call here! it happens, you know."

"sorry," he says, back into the phone. "workplace. you know how it is."

peter glances at the clock, and susan calculates the time difference between new york and la. should be around ten o'clock. at night. "sorry, i thought you'd be out of the office by now."

"i work for the fbi, pete. i'm not really sure they have a concept of the nine-to-five job. anyway, we're in the middle of a case, but i can take a couple of minutes, my boss is double-dating with his brother and his girlfriend in the av room."

"what?"

"never mind, it's complicated. what do you need?"

"a couple of new york mobsters, marco abruzzi and frederico patriso. what do you have on them?"

there's the sound of keystrokes in the background. "a lot," colby says after a couple of minutes. "although i'd rather not reel it off in the workplace. you want to talk later, or should i send you a copy?"

peter glances over at susan. "send it," he says. "you still have my e-mail?"

"yeah. listen, you're not planning to rip off the mob, are you? because they're some kind of serious."

"trust me," peter says, "i am extremely aware of that fact."

oh shit, you're right. well, it happens sometime.

anyway,

lazaefair, this next one is for you, for your awesome:

reep has always been tiny. as a kid, he was the one who was dunked in the toilets, wedgied to within an inch of his life, and held upside down by the ankles while the bigger kids when through his pockets for lunch money.

reep was also the one who got detentions for beating up the bigger kids trying to get his money back, and the one who concocted elaborate schemes of revenge with the braver of his fellow bully-victims. many of these schemes backfired and yet somehow managed to still inflict a world of pain, mainly because reep's contingency plan was to rush in screaming and kick them until they're down.

only until they're down, though. never after. reep believes in doing the right thing, after all. it's just that doing the right thing seems to involve a lot of vanquishing villains who try to take other people's lunch money. the teachers try to tell him no, that's bad, beating up other people is bad, but reep rather thinks that whether you're a bad person or a good person, doing the right thing is always on. he will start with that as first principles.

tumnus meets lucy pevensie on one snowy winter day in the central park zoo. she's clutching a venti hot chocolate between mittened hands, watching the penguins splash around with her head cocked to her side. she's pretty and easy to chat up, and tumnus finds himself liking her very much.

the main problem of the moment is the fact that he happens to be working for jadis at the moment. jadis, not a friend of the pevensies.

to be fair, jadis is in manhattan strictly for the purpose of fucking the pevensies over.

really, it's nothing personal on tumnus's part. just a job, after all. except then lucy tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow and drags him off to the nearest starbucks. and he keeps coming back to see her, even after he's already decided he's not going to give jadis the dirt she wants on the pevensies.

then one day he meets lucy at this french restaurant for dinner and there's another man already with her, golden-haired and handsome, talking familiarly with her. peter pevensie, her oldest brother. tumnus freezes.

tumnus is trying to, not so very subtly, look for an escape when peter looks up and sees him. the older pevensie's smile is ridiculously sweet and precisely calculated to charm; tumnus had seen its twin on jadis's face all those years ago when he'd gambled and lost more than he could pay.

"tumnus, right?" he says, standing up. "i'm lucy's brother peter. let's take a walk."

"i dunno, lu," edmund says skeptically. "the quizbowl team doesn't really need cheerleaders."

"wait, check it out, check it out," lucy burbles, then she stands straight in the ready position. "ready? okay! tangent, sequent, cosine, sine! three point one four one five nine! gooooo finchley!"

she looks at edmund expectantly, who looks at her like this: :-/

"like," says edmund, "maybe you should stick to football."

+

MEANWHILE, IN FRONT STORY

on one side of the hotel bed, susan has already dropped off to sleep, gathering most of the blankets around herself as she snores softly. lucy and peter are at the desk, faces lit up by the glow of the computer monitor, on which edmund's pixellated face is currently displayed.

"what were they like?" edmund asks. "how are they?"

peter shrugs and lucy says, "they're happy. but i guess a little sad. they kind of didn't know how to act around us."

"they were okay," adds peter, shrugging. "mom was happy to see us."

"was dad?"

"i think so," says peter.

"of course he was," says lucy.

peter adds, "i dunno, they miss us. says we should call them sometime, or email. dad says they're sick of hearing about us only when we get caught."

+

the macmanus brothers seem to like corin well enough, but he knows how they roll so he's always wary, even as the three of them now are paying for each other's beers and liberally bumming each other cigarettes. corin is always aware that maybe one day connor and murphy will be coming after HIM, and that will be no fun.

"what do you want with aslan?" connor demands. "has he done something?"

"no no," says corin. "we just have a favor to ask of him. i've called his office and thrown my weight around, but so far nada."

"have you tried worcester?" asks murphy.

corin makes a face. "worcester? what the hell is in worcester?"

murphy replies, "what isn't in worcester?"

i have some thoughts about caspian's role in the hope diamond thing. and also about lucy, 'cos i dunno, now that i've written more from her POV, i kind of wish i had kept the lucycest even more implicit. the other three have pevencestuous mindfuckery covered, but lucy is just kind of sweet and happy-go-lucky. i think her relationships with her siblings are the least complicated of the four.

hmm, more backstory. from the first time peter got arrested. (don't bother googling the detectives; i don't read or watch anything that takes place in chicago, so i'm kind of snatching names out of thin air. nyc, boston, new orleans, la, dc, i got detectives and/or feds there, but chicago, no.)

he runs pevensie through the system without really expecting to find anything. maybe some sealed juvenile stuff, but even that's pushing it. peter pevensie has a reputation, but that reputation has said he's never got caught, at least till now.

he's a little surprised when he gets a hit off a missing persons case a couple states over in finchley. it's ten years old, says pevensie went missing along with his brother and two sisters, and none of them have been seen since. of course, the cops weren't looking for a quartet of runaways; they've been looking for a quartet of con artists.

still, one out of four missing chidlren found is something, even when the news is that your missing child has been arrested for grand larceny and is suspected for ohsomuch more -- also, the going straight to jail for a solid five year sentence, three years with parole for good behavior -- so detective butler glances at the clock and picks up the phone.

-
-

finchley isn't really a town where they get a lot of serious crime -- a handful of minor crime, of course, but not a lot of missing persons and they haven't had a murder in twenty years before grant street, even despite the mob presence in the town; the falcones keep a pretty low profile, relatively speaking. so when four kids go missing the same night two people die, mclaughlin remembers that, even if it has been a decade since then.

still, ten years and there hasn't been hide nor hair of the pevensie kids since. he's tired of having to tell helen pevensie, no, there hasn't been any news, even though the one time he'd done so he'd been staring at a wanted poster, john and jane doe wanted in connection with an attempted robbery in atlantic city, new jersey, sketches that might be peter and susan pevensie a couple years down the line looking back at him.

he picks his desk phone up on the first ring. "detective mclaughlin, finchley pd," he says.

"this is detective brian butler, chicago robbery-homicide. are you the dick who worked the pevensie case about ten years ago?"

"yeah," mclaughlin says, sitting up. "why?"

"i've got one of them in custody. peter pevensie. he's about to do a nickel for grand larceny."

-
-

the pevensie parents take it about well as can be expected -- there's not much you can say to finding out your missing-for-a-decade, wanted-in-connection-to-two-deaths eldest child has taken his juvenile delinquency to a new level and dragged his younger siblings into it too.

"i knew it," mr. pevensie grumbles, and mclaughlin makes an apologetic motion with his hands. he remembers driving home an eight-year-old peter pevensie who'd ripped off a drug store when he'd still been a uniform.

mrs. pevensie's reaction is a little more expected. "can we see him?" she asks. "is there any news of the others?"

according to butler, peter had pled guilty rather than plea-bargained for a lighter sentence and given up his accomplices -- probably his siblings, if their pattern held true.

explaining to the pevensie parents that their son had outright refused to let his parents visit him in jail is one of the hardest things mclaughlin's ever done, and that includes coming to the door the day the pevensies had gone missing and asking for peter, saying that a gangbanger named niccolo carlotti and a security guard named james hanson were dead and that peter was a known associate of carlotti's. and then: peter's not here. none of them are here.

well, they don't take that particularly well.

okay, i dunno how to prose this, so i'm just gonna dump it out. frontstory, miraz pulls caspian aside to talk privately over scotch in miraz's private study. okay this is weird, caspian is thinking. what the hell does my uncle want? but the scotch is always good (when caspian was a kid and wanted to feel badass, he'd make himself drinks with his uncle's scotch and replace what he took with apple juice, so the water line wouldn't drop, but he got found out anyway somehow) and besides, they're at a truce now, sort of.

basically miraz says if you sell out the pevensies, life will be awesome for you. THING IS, i'm not sure what miraz wants exactly and what he's offering and why. maybe he wants the hope diamond for himself, that's the only thing i can think of. especially since the patrisos don't bookkeep so good.

OH SO MAYBE. what if the diamond is used as leverage against the patrisos, and caspian and miraz actually COME TOGETHER and be all like, "if you don't leave the pevensies alone, patrisos, miraz will keep the diamond and he'll wipe you all out because you owe him money." or maybe he'll call the authorities. and aslan can come in, maybe with some dirt, and testify against the patrisos.

maybe miraz is like, "sell out the pevensies, and i'll get you out of this life of crime because isn't that what you've always wanted? i'll pull some strings, put some papers through a shredder." caspian never chose to be a criminal, he was forced into it in the name of survival and pride when miraz got him kicked out of harvard. he still wants to be a lawyer/businessman, he still wants to do good, but he's a criminal and he's long given up on that dream. but now it's a possibility again. miraz can see him considering it and he smiles satisfied, because it runs in the family.

I DUNNO, i want to grab someone by the balls and make it hurt, but i dunno how to do it to caspian, i dunno how to do it to the patrisos.

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