i has a OT8!

[whynot]

URGH I DO NOT WANT MY VACATION TO END. I know I need vacation to end for my own sanity, but the warm sweet embrace of doing nothing all day will always hold a special place in my heart.

I wrote these some time ago when I was tooling around in comments, and now they are posted here for posterity, for better or worse. Basically, Merlinarnia is quickly becoming my fandom of choice.


Edmund is like, "Unchain yourself from that sequoia, you hippie shits!" and Lucy and Morgana are like, "NEVERRRR."

Edmund is like, "THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GET THINGS DONE," but no one listens. Arthur just raises an eyebrow and looks at his very expensive watch and says, "Listen, I have to hop a plane to China in four hours and certify dams that will displace about 100 villages. I have no time for this shit." The Loggers of the Round Table VRRROOM their bulldozers and wave their chainsaws as if to emphasize his point, and Edmund sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose because when he signed up to be an advocate for the Nature Conservancy this was not what he had in mind.

Back at HQ, Susan analyzes the logistics of implementing a viable plan of protection for the trees, except she manipulates the numbers to make it seem like sequoias are even MORE endangered than they are, and Gaius squints at her plan and says, "I don't know about this. Plus, it's rather a strain on the budget." And then they are reasonable at each other until someone gives in.

So anyway, Edmund is almost done negotiating something with Arthur, while Peter makes cheerful small talk with the Round Table Loggers as he stands pointedly in front of the bulldozers. And SUDDENLY, there is this ruckus, and they all whip around and it is Tumnus, Gwen, Caspian, and Lancelot running in with banners and signs, all of them smelling vaguely of patchouli.

And the expressions on everyone's faces turn into that of horror.

"Oh no," Peter gasps. "Greenpeace."



Caspian represents the Telmarine Foundation To Save Baby Whales (or whatever) and Peter heads the Narnian Association To Educate Orphans (or something), and then there is a new RICH BILLIONAIRE philantropist (NAMED PENDRAGON) in town eager to give back to the world! And the Pevensies WORK ALL WEEK on this proposal while they bitch about those Telmarine Foundation shits and their fund-stealing ways and anyway NARNIANS HAVE MORE HEART. What do those whale-humping douchebags know about rousing grassroots support? What can their shiny ads of CGI overkill do? "A lot," shrugs Susan. Everyone's like, "SHUT UP SUSAN."

In the waiting room of Arthur's office on the day, Peter and Susan see Caspian already sitting there, with his laptop bag and his briefcase and his perfect hair.

They NARROW THEIR EYES AT EACH OTHER.

"How are your baby whales?" Peter says all smooth and shit.

"Very well," Caspian replies. "And your uneducated orphans?"

Susan says in a clipped tone, "Wonderful."

They GLARE AT EACH OTHER and end up bickering and bringing up old grudges ("You got a marine biologist to falsify results for you so you can get more funding!" "It's not for me! It's for the whales! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE WHALES."), and Merlin opens the door and is like, "Mr. Pendragon will see you now."

Arthur is just bursting with idealism and optimism, and wants so much to help the world because he's so privileged. ("His father holds a senior position in an auto industry Fortune 500," Susan explained to Peter earlier. "Ah," said Peter, "that explains it.") And Arthur is like, "What have you got for me?"

And Peter, Susan, and Caspian are such SLEAZEBAG USED CAR SALESMEN ABOUT THEIR PROJECT PROPOSALS, and Arthur listens with this thoughtful look on his face.

"I see!" says Arthur at the end. "I cannot decide whether I like orphans or whales more."

"Orphans are cute."

"Whales are necessary to the marine ecosystem! Orphans just contribute to overpopulation."

"Whales don't have FEELINGS."

"HOW DARE YOU."

etc.

And there is bickering about how the informational brochures should look like ("Put a picture of Tim in it! I promised him he would be on the front cover." "Aw, Lu, he's ugly!"), sour grape grumblings that the Telmarine Foundation made a better TV commercial ("Who needs Angelina Jolie?" Peter says loudly, and no one answers because everyone is thinking why didn't she return our calls?), panic at external evaluations ("Do we get points off if our toilets are still broken?" "Ed, you were supposed to call the plumber!" "OH SORRY BUT SOMEONE MADE ME REDESIGN BROCHURES FOR TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT."), and Susan's eternal quest for the perfect data processing software.


Okay, earphones, this isn't funny anymore. COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE.

Comments

[bedlamsbard.livejournal.com]

ah, i remember those comments. good times, good times. if i remember correctly, i was whimpering about urbanization in narnia at the time. *grins*

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

haha good times indeeeeeed. NEVER STOP ENABLING.
OH CITIES, i wring my hands over them for so many reasons.

[meritjubet.livejournal.com]

This was very lolsy. Funnily enough I started a plain old Merlin AU featuring Merlin the environmentalist, Arthur the capitalist and Uther the businessman but!! he was a former hippie. I had the most fun planning out flashbacks to Uther when he was high. And had long hair. Free love~ XDDD

I love how Susan and Gaius would be ever so reasonable with each other :D the Round table! *snickers*

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

jkdfls you should finish it! write it so i don't have to hahaha
OH MAN HIPPIE!UTHER BEST EVER. tripping balls with hippie!nimueh fdsjlk

*makes starry eyes at Merlinarnia*

[mumblemutter.livejournal.com]

Holy shit I would read the fuck out of those. Either one, really. Peter/Caspian/Arthur OMG. THE BICKERING. FUCK YOU I'M IN CHARGE NO FUCK YOU I'M IN CHARGE NO FUCK YOU I'M IN CHARGE OH LOOK SUSAN/MERLIN/GAIUS/LUCY ALREADY TOOK CARE OF IT LET'S MAKE OUT OH WELL.

"A lot," shrugs Susan. Everyone's like, "SHUT UP SUSAN."

♥_♥

Re: *makes starry eyes at Merlinarnia*

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

i would write the NGO!AU sooner than the environmentalist one. the research for it would double as homework and studying!

PETER/CASPIAN/ARTHUR OMG. omg i want to ship everyone in these two fandoms. uther/morgana/susan?! peter/uther (for extra creepy 'cos peter looks like arthur)?! lucy/merlin/arthur oh myyyyyyy. in my head they are already always in the same 'verse anyway

[ghostrunner7.livejournal.com]

You are a crazy, crazy person and I revel in it.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

<333 i revel in your revelry and my incurable crack problem

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

Oh em eff gee, these are just so... *covers face* You've made me picture endless 501(c)3s run by these people and now I can't stop. *whimpers*

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

skeevy NGO politics will never not make me cackle with glee

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

I THINK IT'S WORKING 'cos now i kind of do want to write it. the research is pretty much doing homework anyway! and if i end up getting the internship i want, i foresee a great way to relieve work-related stress in fictional form.

...OH WAIT, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED MY INTERNSHIP SEARCH YET
D-: argh school stress

[deepad]

Can I just say you have killed be dead utterly and totally from the NGO AU? This is my heathen soul typing at you.

(I also wanted to say that I found a Last Battle AU that I can see you've recced but I am not reading it yet because it is a WIP, but is there any chance that you might be doing something similar which goes all post-colonial on Lewis's skanky imperialist ass? Because I would kill to read it.)

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

i haven't tackled the post-colonial issues in fic, no. maybe someday though. peter goes a-proselytizing is too intriguing an idea. narnian crusades! and i have this idea about ironic post-LWW pre-PC religious wars that i def want to flesh out, and it will probably be written as 'historical documents' rather than fic form.

you may like this one (http://bantha-fodder.livejournal.com/227484.html) about edmund and susan in galma, with similar themes. i love it personally. and i don't know if this one (http://bedlamsbard.livejournal.com/267355.html) is that related, but it's a great piece of worldbuilding.

[lettersandliars.livejournal.com]

OT8, I APPROVE SO MUCH.

edmund calling lucy a hippie shit is going to crack me up for life, i swear.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

my friend just looked over my shoulder and was like, "what's on OT8?" and i said, "it's when eight people do it together... emotionally." and he backed away, very slowly.

but throw in lancelot and caspian and that's an OT10, and with uther it's OT11 oh shit! (i am too intrigued by the idea of uther/lucy.)

OH HEY HOW ABOUT UTHER/JADIS HUH

[shewhohashope.livejournal.com]

Here via deepad.

The only thing wrong with this is that Angelina Jolie would never say no to orphans. I couldn't say what her feelings about whales are.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

LOLZ, trufax that is. but say she's done doing the orphans circuit and now she's thinking of expanding into the environmental issues circle. maybe she's always had a great affinity for whales hitherto unknown. or, maybe the telmarines just offered more money.

[tavella.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I'm nearly choking from the laughter. You bad person you :)

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

XD!
<3!
oh skeevy NGO politics, how amusing they are

[schythr.livejournal.com]

In reading your writings and some comments by you, I have noticed a phrase you use. I will use it now, with regards to your writing, because, god, so awesome, I can't even.
*stalks you more*

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

<33!

Haha, dude, I'm glad you're liking the crack, 'cos trufax I've written more Merlin crack than I have real Merlin fic. And it's nice to know that I'm not just the crazy cackling to myself over in a corner. XD

Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoooooooy.

[hivesofactivity.livejournal.com]

(Here from a link in deepad's lj)

May I tell you how much I adore you for this? You may label it as crack, but it makes so much sense! (And yes, skeevy NGO politics, how well it all seems to fit!)

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

<3 Thank you! Crack fic: my political weapon of choice? I'm a little very fond of Merlin-flavored crack. I've also been thinking for a while now that there should be a mockumentary about the nonprofit sector a la 'Best in Show' and 'A Mighty Wind'. That would be great.

[xianghua.livejournal.com]

Okay, this is all good and well.

But it needs Leverage in it.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

Let's steal ourselves a charity.