five things: WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MADE

[whynot]

1. Two lovely erasures have already been posted to erasureathon! And joy of joys, they're erasures of my fic! sgrio made the specific into the communal in parádeisos, an erasure of my Narnia fic about movieverse!Glozelle, and rendered the cracked out intimate in ménage à trois, which is an erasure of my Leverage fic about the time Parker got turned into a ceramic cat. idk, it was a comment_fic prompt okay.

2. Okay, I give in. I have a Twitter. That's right, SITERLAS, because Psych is giving me a complex apparently. All you tweeters, put your lights on.

3. isurrendered is having an episode-reaction post party for all our nonexistent shows. It's gonna be a weekly thing. I just... I cannot love this comm more if I tried. If real reactions to fake episodes, then what next? Reviews of our fake shows? Drinking games for our fake episodes? Fandom Wank posts of our fake shows' fandoms?

4. I'm getting my friend hooked on the demon blood, so for Valentine's Day we drank wine and watched Supernatural, now known to us as, "THE DEAN SHOW and sam i guess". Then we got distracted for twenty years by this picture. (STOP IT, ACKLES, I NEED MY BRAIN TO DO THINGS.) I cannot wait to ruin her life with fic.

5. Today was extremely bewildering! Every time something terrible and world-ending happened (which today was surprisingly often! courstesy of immigration bureaucracy), there was an equally happy and helpful solution that solved the problem! Talk about mood whiplash. This happened all day! AWFUL NEWS, AWESOME NEWS, AWFUL NEWS, AWESOME NEWS, aaaahhhhh. I'm not out of the woods yet, but forgive me if I'm just gonna spend the rest of the night eating Sour Patch Kids and orange-infused dark chocolate.

Comments

[mrinalinee.livejournal.com]

This TV show meme is so awesome, but I'm having so much trouble because I keep wanting to cast people on the sole basis that I enjoy their faces, and that is kind of ridiculous; also I am not huge on the free time right now. WHATEVER.

Ahaha, I think, in fairness, the writers tend to think it is the DEAN SHOW and also sam I guess, which is so weird for me because S1 and 2, I sort of - overidentified with Sam while at the same time, not really liking him very much? But then he started becoming really bugfuck, and I enjoyed his character a lot more; and Dean became a lot more bugfuck too, but it was a lot less interesting to me. I think this is because the writers tend to equate emoporn with character development! I love me some emoporn, but I would maybe like some actual character development, idk. Apparently the more I identify with a character the less I like them? I'd totally hang out with Dean irl, but as long as we could stfu about our self-worth issues and skip right to drinking whiskey and dorkgasming over muscle cars and internal combustion engines and shitty horror movies, is what I'm saying. I get enough of people's anxieties manifesting themselves in gendered/heterosexist ways and playing on my anxieties in actual rl, tyvm. And that is my TMI about being over-invested in TV shows for the day! I want some SPN icons, goddamnit.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

!!! That is how I feel about Sam! All things considered, I should be identifying with him in the early seasons, but I am less interested in his stories. I have read exactly one Sam-centric genfic. IRL I'd hang out with him, and Dean would eventually grate on my nerves (what was the episode where he was like "I love being used for sex"? yeah we can just do that), but in fictionland it's opposites day everyday. I'm fine with Dean's emo, I just wish I understood it more. The other characters keep saying he's broken all the time, but idk he doesn't seem anymore broken than any of the other characters. Sam seems the more broken of the two. But then again I was reading someone's post about how she has PTSD and relates to Dean's PTSD, so idk.

[mrinalinee.livejournal.com]

The other characters keep saying he's broken all the time, but idk he doesn't seem anymore broken than any of the other characters.

Hmm, I never really considered this, but wow yeah I guess you're right? My theory is this: Dean sort of internalizes everything, like, not just that he represses, which he does, but even when he acknowledges that he has a lot of anger at John, he turns directs the anger towards himself because he thinks the things that are fundamental to himself are the things that are fundamental to his anger at John. Fundamental is a fun word to say, idk. But I mean, it's easy for anyone to see how fucked up that is, but you can't really convince someone else that they're worth anything; and even if you realize that you hate yourself kind of a lot, you can't really convince yourself to stop, especially if you think feelings are for girls. But Sam is sort of the inverse? He's a lot more openly emotional and shit, but he also externalizes all his anger; he blames John and demon's blood and whatever, and whether or not he believes it, Dean believes it because he doesn't want to acknowledge that Sam might be as deep-down fucked up as he is. But it's also like, if you blame all your cray-cray on external things, it begins to look a lot like trying to absolve yourself of responsibility, and that's not a kind of fucked up that it's easy to be sympathetic towards. And I guess the things that make them sort of tragic is similarly reciprocal? Like, Dean sort of knows exactly what he wants but isn't willing to believe that he deserves it, and Sam doesn't really know what the fuck he wants, but fucked if he isn't going to pursue it ruthlessly, and completely disregard the collateral damage. I freely admit that I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to Sam in the early seasons, but it feels like the writers never really knew where they were going with the character and that makes me kind of sad because I sort of want to know what the fuck is going on in that boy's head. Does he realize the extent to which he is becoming like John? How much does he examine himself and his principles, and how much are they just based on sort of simultaneously wanting and not wanting to be like Dean, and also wanting to piss Dean off? To what extent does he even conflate Dean and John? How much of himself does he consider to be completely separate from his family? It's obvious that he loves Dean beyond the telling of it, but it must be so irritating to deal with Dean's issues all the time. And vice versa! Back when I was randomly reading a lot of Wincest fic (don't judge me) I kept running across this "all Sam wants is to ~heal~ Dean" stuff, and I found that pretty lulzy, in a weirdly sweet kind of way. Strangely enough I tend to give this show credit for a level of sophistication in writing that I'm pretty sure doesn't actually exist, which is unusual for me, but I am coming from Merlin so. At least this show's self-conscious tragedy, I guess, for lack of a better word, is a welcome change from Merlin's being ridic cracky but also having a titular character who kills people for fun without acknowledging that that's kind of weird. I have no idea why I keep wanting to compose essays in your comments without the least provocation, dude. I need to stop this behavior.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

I have no idea why I keep wanting to compose essays in your comments without the least provocation, dude.
Ahaha, I love it. Then I do the dumb thing and think, "Hmm, I need to set this aside for time when I can give her the proper reply that she deserves!" and sometimes I don't get around to it, which is bad of me. Remember the commentfic we were doing of Susan Pevensie and Mulder being building-mates? I totally meant to continue that, because what you wrote was AWESOME, but it just keeps getting pushed back and pushed back. So let it be known for the record: that was (is!) awesome.

I think Dean's internalization is related to how he has always given the best parts of himself to his family, and it's so draining that I reckon that's why when he does let himself pursue something for himself, he pursues base desires. Women, food, whiskey.

it feels like the writers never really knew where they were going with the character and that makes me kind of sad because I sort of want to know what the fuck is going on in that boy's head.
Yes! I dunno how much of it is the writing, how much of it is just JPad's wooden acting. I found little Sam in flashbacks more of an interesting character than JPad!Sam. I think Sam's story is theoretically compelling, because the whole arc of "I just wanna be normal" to starring role in the End Times is so tragically "how the mighty have fallen!" but someone somewhere is doing something wrong because I am not finding it very interesting. He's very reactionary when it comes to his family, but I guess that can be said of Dean too. They don't think things through very well when family is involved.

lol, as someone who has spent a good amount of time splashing around in the skeevier waters of Narnia fandom, I cannot judge you for reading incest fic. But my attitude towards Wincest has been largely "meh" 'cos I am here for the Castiel/Dean because somehow SPN turned me into that kind of shipper. I was multishippy with Merlin and Narnia, but I don't know, SPN makes me scarcely know myself.