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RECCED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
Weep, Little Lion Man by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zeitheist
Supernatural/American Gods crossover. Author says it's NC17, I say R. Gen, but it's got some decidedly unsexy sexytimes. Set sometime before 5x16.
Castiel looks for God, and finds Gods.
OMG. It's like Angels We Have Heard with MOAR PANTHEONS and an extra 30,000 words. Did you know stories about Castiel's God search are my FAVORITE? This is what I wish 'Hammer of the Gods' tried harder to be. I have hearts in my eyes. Raindrops on roses, guys. MOTHERFUCKING WHISKERS ON SOME GODDAMN KITTENS.
...aaaaand somewhere along the way, this rec turned into a teal deer on immigrant identities and narratives.
Fandom projects a lot of narratives on Castiel, and one of the narratives I would love to see projected more is that of Castiel as an immigrant, an exile, expatriate. You probably know of Lola's vid with the Lhasa de Sala song that is about just that. The first lines hit the nail on the head: "i live in this country now / i'm called by this name / i speak this language". Despite the proximity and immediacy implied by the word 'this', it is still Other to the narrator. It is not MY country, it is not MY name.
So we got the two nations in Castiel: Heaven and earth, angels and humans. Sure, angels and humans aren't even the same species, but considering how often we essentialize cultural identity and take a reductionist view of the nation (whether we mean to or not), it is an apt metaphor. All the times I was ever told, "This is not the Indonesian way of doing things", like that means to me what they want it to mean. All the times I was put in the theoretically false but emotionally true position of having to choose between two worlds. Sure, identity is fluid, it can be anything, but it is not created in a vacuum. For those of you who can shrug off one identity for another as easily as changing jackets, you must be one lucky duck (or a cursed one). Also, if it really is that easy, then you're probably wearing the same jacket, just a different color. And that's fine! It really is. Just don't try to tell me that your jacket is a vest.
...ANYWAY. This fic gets into all those heartbreaking dichotomies. The immigrant songs in this fic are the songs of thousands. It's all in the conjunction. Take Gabe for example, as the fic does, and look at the difference in these sentences: 1) I am an angel, AND I am a trickster. 2) I am an angel, BUT I am a trickster. 3) I am an angel, OR I am a trickster. (I don't usually have strong feelings about Gabriel one way or another, but this fic had me going ";___; GAAAAABE <333" like so hard omg.) And what is YOUR conjunction? Each results in (or stems from?) very different worldviews.
One wants to think, "Why should we need these conjunctions at all?" I think this is the crux of what a lot of transcultural kids struggle with: to be defined not as the disparate parts of something else, but as an encompassing whole. It's fucking difficult, transcultural or not. We cling to adjectives and modifiers. The more words that it takes to describe you, the farther away you are from home. Names are unimportant, but they are meaningful. Gabriel is at ease containing multitudes. Castiel is terrified of it. Both experiences are suuuuuuch typical immigrant narratives, I cannot even.
WARNING THE REST OF THIS POST CONTAINS 5x22 SPOILERS are we still warning for that?
WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRNNNNNIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGG
This is part of why I didn't want the reset of Cas becoming an angel and going back to heaven. The story of the immigrant is not one of restoration; it is one of discovery and loss. There are no quick fixes, and you can never go home again, at least not as it appears in your romanticized memories. I want the story of the exile, who sees everything through the filter of absence, but then learns (or doesn't?) to put one foot in front of the other again. You are ever the two-headed Janus, simultaneously looking forward and back. Maybe you will never lose your accent, but you can still sing. Maybe you will forget what 'blue' or 'mouth' is in your old language, but you will remember it suddenly six months later, waiting for the kettle to boil in the middle of the night.
Maybe I speak too soon though. It's always important to go back to where you come from, to reassess. It's just... You don't have to go home to be happy, to be whole. You don't have to be happy or whole all the time. And home, what is home? I just want the recognition that peace and loss are not mutually exclusive things.
[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/24108.html |
comments]
zeitheistSupernatural/American Gods crossover. Author says it's NC17, I say R. Gen, but it's got some decidedly unsexy sexytimes. Set sometime before 5x16.
Castiel looks for God, and finds Gods.
OMG. It's like Angels We Have Heard with MOAR PANTHEONS and an extra 30,000 words. Did you know stories about Castiel's God search are my FAVORITE? This is what I wish 'Hammer of the Gods' tried harder to be. I have hearts in my eyes. Raindrops on roses, guys. MOTHERFUCKING WHISKERS ON SOME GODDAMN KITTENS.
...aaaaand somewhere along the way, this rec turned into a teal deer on immigrant identities and narratives.
Fandom projects a lot of narratives on Castiel, and one of the narratives I would love to see projected more is that of Castiel as an immigrant, an exile, expatriate. You probably know of Lola's vid with the Lhasa de Sala song that is about just that. The first lines hit the nail on the head: "i live in this country now / i'm called by this name / i speak this language". Despite the proximity and immediacy implied by the word 'this', it is still Other to the narrator. It is not MY country, it is not MY name.
So we got the two nations in Castiel: Heaven and earth, angels and humans. Sure, angels and humans aren't even the same species, but considering how often we essentialize cultural identity and take a reductionist view of the nation (whether we mean to or not), it is an apt metaphor. All the times I was ever told, "This is not the Indonesian way of doing things", like that means to me what they want it to mean. All the times I was put in the theoretically false but emotionally true position of having to choose between two worlds. Sure, identity is fluid, it can be anything, but it is not created in a vacuum. For those of you who can shrug off one identity for another as easily as changing jackets, you must be one lucky duck (or a cursed one). Also, if it really is that easy, then you're probably wearing the same jacket, just a different color. And that's fine! It really is. Just don't try to tell me that your jacket is a vest.
...ANYWAY. This fic gets into all those heartbreaking dichotomies. The immigrant songs in this fic are the songs of thousands. It's all in the conjunction. Take Gabe for example, as the fic does, and look at the difference in these sentences: 1) I am an angel, AND I am a trickster. 2) I am an angel, BUT I am a trickster. 3) I am an angel, OR I am a trickster. (I don't usually have strong feelings about Gabriel one way or another, but this fic had me going ";___; GAAAAABE <333" like so hard omg.) And what is YOUR conjunction? Each results in (or stems from?) very different worldviews.
One wants to think, "Why should we need these conjunctions at all?" I think this is the crux of what a lot of transcultural kids struggle with: to be defined not as the disparate parts of something else, but as an encompassing whole. It's fucking difficult, transcultural or not. We cling to adjectives and modifiers. The more words that it takes to describe you, the farther away you are from home. Names are unimportant, but they are meaningful. Gabriel is at ease containing multitudes. Castiel is terrified of it. Both experiences are suuuuuuch typical immigrant narratives, I cannot even.
WARNING THE REST OF THIS POST CONTAINS 5x22 SPOILERS are we still warning for that?
WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRNNNNNIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGG
This is part of why I didn't want the reset of Cas becoming an angel and going back to heaven. The story of the immigrant is not one of restoration; it is one of discovery and loss. There are no quick fixes, and you can never go home again, at least not as it appears in your romanticized memories. I want the story of the exile, who sees everything through the filter of absence, but then learns (or doesn't?) to put one foot in front of the other again. You are ever the two-headed Janus, simultaneously looking forward and back. Maybe you will never lose your accent, but you can still sing. Maybe you will forget what 'blue' or 'mouth' is in your old language, but you will remember it suddenly six months later, waiting for the kettle to boil in the middle of the night.
Maybe I speak too soon though. It's always important to go back to where you come from, to reassess. It's just... You don't have to go home to be happy, to be whole. You don't have to be happy or whole all the time. And home, what is home? I just want the recognition that peace and loss are not mutually exclusive things.
[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/24108.html |
no subject
First I'll do a small courtesy of answering your question of which conjunction we'd take for Gabriel. Personally I see him as "I am an angel, AND I am a trickster." This is because he is an angel, he may have chosen to leave Heaven and all that may or may not entail for him but it is still a fact that he is an angel. Along with that it will forever set a foundation for how he does, thinks etc everything, no matter where he chooses to go from that foundation so even with that life set behind him by his choices it still has a current role for him. Now to justify why that goes with 'and' being the Trickster. Since whenever he decided to take on that title, his identity both the one shown outside and the one inside that helps you define who you are has been incorporating this. Thus he is both as they play an active part in his identity. That was way longer than I thought it would be, ah well nevermind. :D
I have to say I somewhat disagree about not wanting Cas to get a reset to being a 'proper angel' (I say it like that cause he's always been an angel, just diminished and more human), because even with a restoration of power and all the rest of it, it can never be a reset. He's changed forever for his experiences and the same would be said for Heaven changed due to a lack of Michael amongst other things. With regards to the idea of forever looking forward and back, I can't say I come to the idea understanding from an immigrant PoV (please teach? :) ), but to me it seems Castiel more looks forward and handles the idea that home is not a memory but what you make it. While Gabriel only looks back, forsaking the idea of having Heaven as a home because it isn't what it was once. Think I should point out now that's all my opinion from canon not from the rec'd fic (which I will read at some point, but had to comment first). Also I completely agree with your last paragraph and peace and loss really aren't exclusive, what a person sees as home can change and can lose elements from it as can you, yet it can still offer that same peace or comfort it always has.
From the comments, with the talk about how Lucifer just wiped the floor with the gods from Hammer of the Gods. As far as my interpretation of canon goes, I always took it that they weren't necessarily the actual Gods but instead rather powerful creatures that had taken on the identity of Gods possibly so long ago that they no longer see the distinction between the two while the fact remains they aren't who they say they are. I don't know how others like that idea but however I try to look at the problem it does leave a slight bitter tang in my mouth with it basically boiling down to a judeo-christian superiority thing.
To end my overlong comment, I loved reading your thoughts on this subject! And in my eyes you win uber points for mentioning Janus :DD
no subject
I agree with the AND conjunction being what Gabriel chooses for himself, too. Anna might agree with this too. His siblings might see things differently, maybe using BUT, or even going so far as to say "you are an angel, thus you are not a trickster".
I don't think Cas is the same Cas of 4x01 either. I see why the narrative and character arc has to have him going back to heaven, but I wish it were handled better. I mean, he became mortal just two episodes ago! I thought they were going to do something with that! Why make him go through this tectonic shift of becoming mortal only to deus ex machina it all better two episodes later?! What is the viewer satisfaction in that? Again, I reiterate that it makes sense for his story to become one of homecoming here, but it also would've made sense if his story were also to further elaborate on his exile. Like I thought they were building up to.
My handwave for the gods thing is that those were gods in their vessels, not the real gods. ;)
Thanks for commenting! Again, I apologize for the lateness of my reply.
no subject
I see what you mean about it not being a proper story arc for him returning to Heaven, but I suppose you might call it bad timing with his return to Heaven being so very close to the end of the season. We can always hope that there's a storyline about it next season. :)
Until we get more storyline I'm going along with this here (http://nimloth87.deviantart.com/art/God-is-totally-a-Cas-boy-164106361) (while not great in story, it tries to make up for it with funny ^^ )