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"The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated" - an erasure - pg13
I gave the okay for my fics to be commentated on on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
dvd_commentary becaaauuuse I'm an attention whore and would flail to no end if anyone actually ever does one. In the grand tradition of attention whores, I am open to bribing you! :-D!
Anyway. For myerasureathon piece, I took two fairly light-hearted Merlin RPF fics about salad-hating and flat-warming parties, and turned it into something that's kind of dark and creepy, and probably isn't Merlin RPF anymore. Um. Sorry, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lovestories?
PS: anyone wanna give me more Top Fives?
The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated
an erasure of salad: the devil's food (shut up, katie) and reason #91 why flat-warming parties are overrated: rocks fall, people die (almost). pg13.
He should have known when he asked her
that something was wrong.
the script, broken,
"you said you were hungry"
And that was the problem really.
He for sympathy but given none.
"go on then, eat it."
he couldn't walk away
set the script down
pull out. peel off
expect a "Fine"
She reached down and ripped off his mouth
pick up the script
rearrange
it would be rude not to inflict any damage
the next morning she wakes up asking why
everyone already thinks to watch his ill will
gaining a reputation isn’t wise.
whenever someone brings a thousand variations, neither intimidating nor together,
this stops.
a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew
his mission says a consolation, more so for himself.
“You’re over. You’re over”
as she can’t sleep.
she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible
She opens her door,
makes it through only to
find no one there
And then she sees
a little less
a little more
she wasn’t either of those things.
she rushes in
he wakes.
He jerks, confused.
He doesn’t remember much
“I’m still alive
are you?”
the whole affair, like the blood it stains
was apparent
and sure enough, explaining things
opens a sudden realization
his half a memory only calls because
he doesn’t know she has him
instead.
conspicuously absent
is a room that might contain quiet
As the words from her mouth hit panic because “He’s fine,
honest to God” (in a coma, paralyzed, dead)
“I should go.–”
“I know”
her eyes convey more than words ever could.
“I’m not going to die.”
a joke,
but he doesn’t find it very funny.
to break the silence,
she would claim everything and then
“sorry, I was rambling, just
slap me when I do that”
as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition
And, suddenly, he understands.
He reaches up to take his say, to come close, for a bit.
the stillest Silence falls to break it
and it is close
enough.
dvd_commentary becaaauuuse I'm an attention whore and would flail to no end if anyone actually ever does one. In the grand tradition of attention whores, I am open to bribing you! :-D! Anyway. For my
erasureathon piece, I took two fairly light-hearted Merlin RPF fics about salad-hating and flat-warming parties, and turned it into something that's kind of dark and creepy, and probably isn't Merlin RPF anymore. Um. Sorry, lovestories?PS: anyone wanna give me more Top Fives?
The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated
an erasure of salad: the devil's food (shut up, katie) and reason #91 why flat-warming parties are overrated: rocks fall, people die (almost). pg13.
He should have known when he asked her
that something was wrong.
the script, broken,
"you said you were hungry"
And that was the problem really.
He for sympathy but given none.
"go on then, eat it."
he couldn't walk away
set the script down
pull out. peel off
expect a "Fine"
She reached down and ripped off his mouth
pick up the script
rearrange
it would be rude not to inflict any damage
the next morning she wakes up asking why
everyone already thinks to watch his ill will
gaining a reputation isn’t wise.
whenever someone brings a thousand variations, neither intimidating nor together,
this stops.
a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew
his mission says a consolation, more so for himself.
“You’re over. You’re over”
as she can’t sleep.
she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible
She opens her door,
makes it through only to
find no one there
And then she sees
a little less
a little more
she wasn’t either of those things.
she rushes in
he wakes.
He jerks, confused.
He doesn’t remember much
“I’m still alive
are you?”
the whole affair, like the blood it stains
was apparent
and sure enough, explaining things
opens a sudden realization
his half a memory only calls because
he doesn’t know she has him
instead.
conspicuously absent
is a room that might contain quiet
As the words from her mouth hit panic because “He’s fine,
honest to God” (in a coma, paralyzed, dead)
“I should go.–”
“I know”
her eyes convey more than words ever could.
“I’m not going to die.”
a joke,
but he doesn’t find it very funny.
to break the silence,
she would claim everything and then
“sorry, I was rambling, just
slap me when I do that”
as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition
And, suddenly, he understands.
He reaches up to take his say, to come close, for a bit.
the stillest Silence falls to break it
and it is close
enough.
no subject
I saved this to read and of course now I should have been in bed two or three hours ago but omg lass. lassssss fsaoiakjldsflk oh my god. I clearly cannot go to bed. I also can't copypaste the parts that hit me in the gut and the parts that pulled my heartstrings and the parts that made me think thinky thoughts because that would be ALL OF IT FOUR TIMES OVER. I am serious, you have an incredible talent for making things dense and meaningful. Also for TOTALLY changing the tones on these pieces but I recognize bits like the blood and little things like that. What a transformation.
the script, broken,
"you said you were hungry"
the script goes from something concrete and quotidian to the idea of a plan broken from the start, seemingly confused dialogue about trivial things, but not really trivial because hunger. That's big. And then rips his mouth off !!! clearly there is no talking or eating here :O
a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew
this!!! this is love, sort of, but frustration, but caring, but condescention - I don't know, so much in a few lines
his mission says a consolation, more so for himself.
“You’re over. You’re over”
as she can’t sleep.
she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible
WOW. Those lines of dialogue - wow. I like the juxtaposition of "she can't sleep. / she wants to wake the dead" and how he's a fire (this totally makes me think of lovesrogue's erasure of be_themoon's Narnia fic, there is a thing about Peter being fire, it is fascinating). The line "his head a world of conclusions" so speaks to me - just answers but no reasoning, no questions, and so you're left wondering why you feel so certain or what to do with these answers now that you have them. And the last line - hoo. how does that reconcile with him being a hungry fire? curious and beautiful.
his half a memory only calls because
he doesn’t know she has him
instead.
MY FAVORITE PART. like she has him instead of the other half of the memory, she doesn't need to know these things because him in his being fills the gap. and he worries about being enough or about whether they have enough but she has him to complete the puzzle. people instead of memories, wow.
You have an incredible conciseness and lucidity of phrase for something patched together - I think my favorite example is As the words from her mouth hit panic.
“I’m not going to die.”
a joke,
but he doesn’t find it very funny.
I love all the twists and turns in this - how all the dialogue is so clearly floating on the surface trying to conceal the darker stuff underneath. Not necessarily insincere, but almost always morbidly ironic. And in this bit too:
to break the silence,
she would claim everything and then
“sorry, I was rambling, just
slap me when I do that”
as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition
And, suddenly, he understands.
This is also SUCH a true-to-life description of awkward conversations. Like, where she cares what he thinks but she's tired of waiting for him to respond, tired of trying to figure out what to say to him, see if he even cares what she's saying. And then when he gets how she feels about this he reaches up to take his say, to come close - oooh coming close like hazarding a guess but also because he wants to be closer to her, and then:
the stillest Silence falls to break it
so it never comes together? they're always slipping on silences between them? Agh this is so painfully about silence, a theme so appropriate for erasure, no? As for themes I don't know what to think yet, I will reread and mull it over (my thinking capacity is like dead thanks to fivish intermittent hours of car-sleep :/)
oh my god lass if you put me in a box and have me write you peter/susan can I put you in a box and have you write me erasures because aaaahhhhh you know just what to do!
no subject
OMG IT IS A DEAL. WHERE CAN I SIGN.
omg this comment <3333 IS LIKE LONGER THAN THE WHOLE POST. It's been really interesting reading how people have interpreted this because honestly I had less of an idea of what's going on here than I did when I erased your fic. I knew 'writhe' was about Arthur and Morgana, but this one not so much. I wasn't even sure where the metaphor stopped and the action began! I'm not sure who has the upper hand ever, the he or the she, but maybe that is the point.
seemingly confused dialogue about trivial things, but not really trivial
yes, that was what I was going for with all the dialogue! I'm glad it came through. Haha but CLEARLY THERE IS NO TALKING OR EATING HERE. That's right.
answers but no reasoning, no questions, and so you're left wondering why you feel so certain or what to do with these answers now that you have them
being much more articulate here than I could be. That is an awesome explication of that line and I love iiiit. How does the last line reconcile with fires? I tend to think of this as something very Arthur, that despite all the vigor and vim of his heart, he's actually quite repressed XD
she doesn't need to know these things because him in his being fills the gap. and he worries about being enough or about whether they have enough but she has him to complete the puzzle. people instead of memories
THIS. Again, I'm not sure if this is what I meant because I had little idea of what I meant, I just charged forward on emotional momentum but OH OH OH. I want to take this idea and wrap it in velvet and store it away for future use. I AM LIKING WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH WHAT I DID TO WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAD DONE.
I'm inclined to think that they DO come together in the end, but not in immediate sparkly passion. Sort of like they're taking their time, but at least some sort of middle ground has been reached between them.
grazie! <333
<3333333333
FACT: Erasure class taught me that everything, every response, every erasure, every response to an erasure, is a reading - an instance, an interpretation, a lens, whatever. This made it a whole lot easier for me to read and talk about erasures. it's very freeing.
but I was totally thinking about "head full of conclusions" a week or two ago, I swear to god, so seeing it here was super amazing <333 brain twins, I swear!
no subject
<333 WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE