whynot | "The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated" - an erasure

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"The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated" - an erasure - pg13

I gave the okay for my fics to be commentated on on

dvd_commentary becaaauuuse I'm an attention whore and would flail to no end if anyone actually ever does one. In the grand tradition of attention whores, I am open to bribing you! :-D!

Anyway. For my

erasureathon piece, I took two fairly light-hearted Merlin RPF fics about salad-hating and flat-warming parties, and turned it into something that's kind of dark and creepy, and probably isn't Merlin RPF anymore. Um. Sorry,

lovestories?

PS: anyone wanna give me more Top Fives?

The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated
an erasure of salad: the devil's food (shut up, katie) and reason #91 why flat-warming parties are overrated: rocks fall, people die (almost). pg13.

He should have known when he asked her
that something was wrong.
the script, broken,
"you said you were hungry"

And that was the problem really.

He for sympathy but given none.
"go on then, eat it."
he couldn't walk away
set the script down
pull out. peel off
expect a "Fine"
She reached down and ripped off his mouth

pick up the script
rearrange

it would be rude not to inflict any damage

the next morning she wakes up asking why

everyone already thinks to watch his ill will
gaining a reputation isn’t wise.
whenever someone brings a thousand variations, neither intimidating nor together,
this stops.

a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew

his mission says a consolation, more so for himself.
“You’re over. You’re over”
as she can’t sleep.
she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible

She opens her door,
makes it through only to
find no one there
And then she sees

a little less
a little more
she wasn’t either of those things.

she rushes in

he wakes.

He jerks, confused.

He doesn’t remember much
“I’m still alive
are you?”
the whole affair, like the blood it stains
was apparent
and sure enough, explaining things
opens a sudden realization

his half a memory only calls because
he doesn’t know she has him
instead.

conspicuously absent
is a room that might contain quiet
As the words from her mouth hit panic because “He’s fine,
honest to God” (in a coma, paralyzed, dead)
“I should go.–”
“I know”
her eyes convey more than words ever could.

“I’m not going to die.”
a joke,
but he doesn’t find it very funny.

to break the silence,
she would claim everything and then
“sorry, I was rambling, just
slap me when I do that”
as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition
And, suddenly, he understands.

He reaches up to take his say, to come close, for a bit.

the stillest Silence falls to break it

and it is close

enough.

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Holy shit. *takes a deep breath* Uh. Wow. That was absolutely fabulous and honestly, I don't know what to say other than these were my favorite parts. So here are my favorite parts.

-pull out. peel off
expect a "Fine"
-she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible
-a little less
a little more
she wasn’t either of those things.
-As the words from her mouth hit panic because “He’s fine,
honest to God” (in a coma, paralyzed, dead)
“I should go.–”
“I know”
-and it is close
enough.

Honestly, now I'm feeling extremely unsure as to mine. XD In short, Lass, so fabulous and wonderful and so meta and gorgeous and akshdlgksj;dlhs. omg. fantastic.

Your list of favorite lines is like an erasure of my erasure, and it's awesome!

SO SHUT UP, YOURS WILL BE LOVELY <33

Thank you, B!

Wow. I don't even know this fandom or these people, but this was lovely, especially the change in the middle, bringing the action that pushes the story/poem to conclusion.

Thanks! I think at this point the characters might as well be OCs. This erasure isn't necessarily fandom-specific. To be quite honest, I'm still not sure what the action is that happens, 'cos I was erasing following emotional momentum more. I reread it and see a number of possibilities. Out of curiosity, what change in the middle are you referring to?

It seems like in the beginning one character is unsure but then something happens and one character nearly dies cuases the other one to confront their feelings.
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible

She opens her door,
makes it through only to
find no one there
And then she sees

a little less
a little more
she wasn’t either of those things.

she rushes in

he wakes.

He jerks, confused.

He doesn’t remember much
“I’m still alive
are you?”

Oh huh! I've actually never thought of it a tale of hidden romantic feelings that are brought to the fore. I see what you mean! It's partly dependent on who you think is saying which dialogue, hmm. Things that I perceived to be powerplay mindfuckery before are expressions of longing/affection in this context. Interesting.

HOLY SHIT. This! Is! Amazing! It's like Merlin RPF if Merlin RPF was a trippy, Gothic novel turned into a horror movie by Tim Burton! HENCE: AMAZING. adkjfjadkfjkfj I LOVE YOUUUUUU (despite the fact that now I want to rip up my draft and start all over again, because it pales considerably compared to the amazing that is THIS). God, it was so fun going through this and BASKING IN THE GLORY and also picking out the parts I'd written. ♥ ALSO, NOW I WILL QUOTE MY FAVORITE BITS BACK AT YOU.

the script, broken, / "you said you were hungry"

I love how you turned this from slightly malicious goading into something so weirdly sinister. Actually, ALL OF THE DIALOGUE IS WEIRDLY SINISTER. When I read this I had to stop a bunch of times and go "I wrote that?" The way you've transfigured everything is just SO AMAZING, AUGH.

She reached down and ripped off his mouth / pick up the script / rearrange / it would be rude not to inflict any damage

FUCKING A. This reminds me of those moments in horror movies where the main character sees something particularly horrifying in a mirror, or something, and then they blink and everything is fine. Reached down and ripped off his mouth. FAVORITE.

she wants to wake the dead / he’s a fire, hungry

So pretty, so creepy.

As the words from her mouth hit panic because “He’s fine, / honest to God” (in a coma, paralyzed, dead)

THE WAY YOU'VE WARPED AND POSITIONED ALL THE WORDS HERE MAKES ME FLAIL, JESUS CHRIST.

“I’m not going to die.” / a joke, / but he doesn’t find it very funny.

I love this a lot, because these bits are taken almost verbatim from the original text and the meaning is intact, but they take on a whole other meaning (oh dark, cynical humor) give the context of this fic.

It's like Merlin RPF if Merlin RPF was a trippy, Gothic novel turned into a horror movie by Tim Burton!
dfhlksfjdlj <33333333

I'm so glad you like it! Thank you, bb. It was difficult to erase your fics because 'cos they were so funny and light, and my tendency is towards like, doom and gloom. If I were challenging myself, I would've maybe tried to write a humorous erasure, but oh well. So I am glad you like the weird sinisterness! :D

Oh my god, you wrote CAPTAIN PLANET FIC?

I think I missed that before. I must correct that mistake when I get back and read the shit out of it. Especially since it has WHEELER. How mad are you that there aren't like a ton of planeteer shirts out in circulation? Come on with all the 80s and 90s stuff coming back into play and the Green trend? It is RIPE.

So I had never heard of this erasure thing, it is fascinating.

I really love this little bit:

a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew

It's so awesome. I know I had a writing teacher that once talked about just ripping a story up like that and putting it together on the floor, but I was always too lazy. That's still really neat. I like the sort of jagged feel it has to go with the situation that's conveyed.

PS: anyone wanna give me more Top Fives?

FIVE TIMES THE DRAGON WAS REALLY TEMPTED TO EAT MERLIN AND/OR ARTHUR

and/or

FIVE THINGS WILL WOULD HAVE DONE IF HE'D GONE TO CAMELOT

and/or

FIVE THINGS GWEN IS THINKING WHEN SHE HAS THAT 'YOU GUYS ARE EFFING STUPID' FACE (in the Beginning of the End, whatever the episode was called with Mordred)

And also, what is this dvd commentary thing, it's not really super clear on the info. Like you write as characters giving commentary or as an author doing it? None of the examples from last year were linking up either and I got frustrated like a five year old trying open a jar of peanut butter that's taped shut.

HE'S OUR HERO. GONNA TAKE POLLUTION DOWN TO ZERO. omg. I still ship Wheeler/Linka like burning. Hey, remember that time when Wheeler was like, "Nice accent, babe. You Russian?" and Linka gets all INDIGNANT like, "I'm SOVIET." lololol. Hasn't there been a Captain Planet movie in development hell for like a forever now?

Thanks. Erasures are fun. Have you seen these erasures (http://humument.com/) by Tom Phillips of some Victorian novel? He arts it up and they're really pretty.

It's the author giving commentary. I did one of one of my Narnia fics, so here's an example (http://lassiterfics.livejournal.com/78476.html) for you. They are also fun! I've been considering doing one for 'The Ink Still Drying' 'cos Arthur is an unreliable narrator, and there is some sort of Morgana/Gwen/Lancelot kerfuffle going on in the background that Arthur and Merlin don't care enough about.

Hasn't there been a Captain Planet movie in development hell for like a forever now?

Oh my god. I had not heard of this, but this would be fantastic like woah. Or they'd rape my childhood.

But yeah, god Linka/Wheeler was awesome, it was like the first time I was like, "oh god arguing can mean true love" ruined me for life.

So the comm is you giving commentary on someone else's story or doing commentary on your own? I am familiar with the latter, just the community seems to imply the former.

It's the former.

I will sign up for one of yours then probably.

DO NOT BE SURPRISED if it's the Will one, as I am uninventive and predictable.

!! Woo! Man, I am predictable about Will like it's MY JOB.

Oh man, I was skimming through Captain Planet fic I wrote and it feels weirdly dated. Like, "Huh, no Skype or email or Google, huh?"

Hahaha. The planeteers would probably be like 40 by now, with IPOs and investment portfolios if you included Skype and Google anyway.

I was like "no way are they 40" but then I did the maths and it's like OH NO THEY ARE PRETTY MUCH FORTY WHAT THE HELL

This is like that time they played No Doubt on the classic rock hour.

This is like that time they played No Doubt on the classic rock hour.

Oh god, I would have felt like ancient. I remember making a joke to some kids about the Flintstones and they were all blank faced and I almost had a heart attack, I was like, "YOU KNOW WHAT THE FLINTSTONES ARE DON'T YOU?"

Dude it's so weird remembering that the 90s are a forever ago, and that it's beginning to be able to be condensed into mere pop culture references. My childhood as abstract references! I'm barely not a child and the 90s were barely yesterday! Then I'm watching like "Quack Pack" or "Amazing Panda Adventure" or some crap and oh the datedness, geez.

*chokes on something*
I saved this to read and of course now I should have been in bed two or three hours ago but omg lass. lassssss fsaoiakjldsflk oh my god. I clearly cannot go to bed. I also can't copypaste the parts that hit me in the gut and the parts that pulled my heartstrings and the parts that made me think thinky thoughts because that would be ALL OF IT FOUR TIMES OVER. I am serious, you have an incredible talent for making things dense and meaningful. Also for TOTALLY changing the tones on these pieces but I recognize bits like the blood and little things like that. What a transformation.

the script, broken,
"you said you were hungry"
the script goes from something concrete and quotidian to the idea of a plan broken from the start, seemingly confused dialogue about trivial things, but not really trivial because hunger. That's big. And then rips his mouth off !!! clearly there is no talking or eating here :O

a look on her face suggests she would like to crawl under him
drive him to hope
and it’s not like he already knew
this!!! this is love, sort of, but frustration, but caring, but condescention - I don't know, so much in a few lines

his mission says a consolation, more so for himself.
“You’re over. You’re over”
as she can’t sleep.
she wants to wake the dead
he’s a fire, hungry
his head a world of conclusions
living as quietly as possible
WOW. Those lines of dialogue - wow. I like the juxtaposition of "she can't sleep. / she wants to wake the dead" and how he's a fire (this totally makes me think of lovesrogue's erasure of be_themoon's Narnia fic, there is a thing about Peter being fire, it is fascinating). The line "his head a world of conclusions" so speaks to me - just answers but no reasoning, no questions, and so you're left wondering why you feel so certain or what to do with these answers now that you have them. And the last line - hoo. how does that reconcile with him being a hungry fire? curious and beautiful.

his half a memory only calls because
he doesn’t know she has him
instead.
MY FAVORITE PART. like she has him instead of the other half of the memory, she doesn't need to know these things because him in his being fills the gap. and he worries about being enough or about whether they have enough but she has him to complete the puzzle. people instead of memories, wow.

You have an incredible conciseness and lucidity of phrase for something patched together - I think my favorite example is As the words from her mouth hit panic.

“I’m not going to die.”
a joke,
but he doesn’t find it very funny.
I love all the twists and turns in this - how all the dialogue is so clearly floating on the surface trying to conceal the darker stuff underneath. Not necessarily insincere, but almost always morbidly ironic. And in this bit too:
to break the silence,
she would claim everything and then
“sorry, I was rambling, just
slap me when I do that”
as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition
And, suddenly, he understands.
This is also SUCH a true-to-life description of awkward conversations. Like, where she cares what he thinks but she's tired of waiting for him to respond, tired of trying to figure out what to say to him, see if he even cares what she's saying. And then when he gets how she feels about this he reaches up to take his say, to come close - oooh coming close like hazarding a guess but also because he wants to be closer to her, and then:

the stillest Silence falls to break it
so it never comes together? they're always slipping on silences between them? Agh this is so painfully about silence, a theme so appropriate for erasure, no? As for themes I don't know what to think yet, I will reread and mull it over (my thinking capacity is like dead thanks to fivish intermittent hours of car-sleep :/)

oh my god lass if you put me in a box and have me write you peter/susan can I put you in a box and have you write me erasures because aaaahhhhh you know just what to do!

oh my god lass if you put me in a box and have me write you peter/susan can I put you in a box and have you write me erasures
OMG IT IS A DEAL. WHERE CAN I SIGN.

omg this comment <3333 IS LIKE LONGER THAN THE WHOLE POST. It's been really interesting reading how people have interpreted this because honestly I had less of an idea of what's going on here than I did when I erased your fic. I knew 'writhe' was about Arthur and Morgana, but this one not so much. I wasn't even sure where the metaphor stopped and the action began! I'm not sure who has the upper hand ever, the he or the she, but maybe that is the point.

seemingly confused dialogue about trivial things, but not really trivial
yes, that was what I was going for with all the dialogue! I'm glad it came through. Haha but CLEARLY THERE IS NO TALKING OR EATING HERE. That's right.

answers but no reasoning, no questions, and so you're left wondering why you feel so certain or what to do with these answers now that you have them
being much more articulate here than I could be. That is an awesome explication of that line and I love iiiit. How does the last line reconcile with fires? I tend to think of this as something very Arthur, that despite all the vigor and vim of his heart, he's actually quite repressed XD

she doesn't need to know these things because him in his being fills the gap. and he worries about being enough or about whether they have enough but she has him to complete the puzzle. people instead of memories
THIS. Again, I'm not sure if this is what I meant because I had little idea of what I meant, I just charged forward on emotional momentum but OH OH OH. I want to take this idea and wrap it in velvet and store it away for future use. I AM LIKING WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH WHAT I DID TO WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAD DONE.

I'm inclined to think that they DO come together in the end, but not in immediate sparkly passion. Sort of like they're taking their time, but at least some sort of middle ground has been reached between them.

grazie! <333

I AM LIKING WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH WHAT I DID TO WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAD DONE.

FACT: Erasure class taught me that everything, every response, every erasure, every response to an erasure, is a reading - an instance, an interpretation, a lens, whatever. This made it a whole lot easier for me to read and talk about erasures. it's very freeing.

but I was totally thinking about "head full of conclusions" a week or two ago, I swear to god, so seeing it here was super amazing <333 brain twins, I swear!

That! It's sometimes why my comments get so huge, 'cos I just get so carried away by all the feelings and ideas in my reaction and suddenly I have like a fic outline or something.

<333 WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE

Gah, wow. I love the unfulfilled need in this. I love the line "as if testing to see if he’s just an apparition." That sense of riding on the edge of tangibility/intangibility and having/not having is so perfectly summed up in that one image, and the way I read the poem, that was the climactic moment in which it could all disappear and fade away or solidify into something substantial as the next lines showed.

Really lovely.

I don't know why it took me until erasureathon to find your writing, and I did, and I'm playing much catchup and enjoying the Merlin and BDS fics.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it, and also that you are enjoying my other fics hahaha. Oh man Boondock Saints! Such years ago! I love those crazy twins and their stupid fucking rope.

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"The Devil's Reasons Are Overrated" - an erasure - pg13

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