whynot | AN AFFAIR MOST HARMONIOUS

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AN AFFAIR MOST HARMONIOUS

So, I've kinda avoided Psych for a while because it has THAT GUY WHO STOLE MY NAME, but uh. I'm kinda getting sucked in. I think it's because this show is OBNOXIOUSLY ADORABLE.

Speaking of getting sucked in: DEAR TUMBLR, PLEASE STOP EATING MY LIFE.

I will vindicate matters with a picspam.

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. I'M GOING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE SO FUCKING HARD. HOLY SHIT. I dunno, apparently Rupert Grint plays an apprentice assassin. AAAAHH I AM TOTALLY WATCHING IT.

YES HE DOES.

...Wingardium Leviosa?

Michael Gambon wishes you a fabulous day.

I... would totally wear these.

High fives make me weak in the knees, okay.

geez tone it down, d rad.

FIERCE <333

<3333 <333 ngl i'm beginning to ship them <33

RIDICULOUS CLOTHES AND SEXY EYES, I AM LOST.

MY DADDY CAN CRUCIATE YOUR DADDY

ahaha

Daniel Radcliffe keeps his eyes on the prize.

ADORABLE OT3 OF YAY

Tom can haz opinion?

TOM CAN HAS SEXY

Percy Weasley has a rabbit. Your argument is invalid.

WHY HELLO

fkljflskjdjfks

jdkfjk

l;lk

ahahahah what. WHAT. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE I CAN'T EVEN ahahahajfkls okay.

Out of curiosity, who are the original characters in this painting?

The leaders of the revolution.

Okay, fair warning, the picture AFTER this next one is not work-safe. I guess this next one isn't either though, not really.

Oh, and before the NSFW gif, here are Dan, Emma, and Rupert answering questions from fans and being generally lovable. Dan knows which state CA is, but not WI or AK! Rupert would NOT rather die than kiss Emma! Also, Dan's Little Mermaid fail. Unscripted Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

ETA: Okay, two more before the NSFW pic, just to be thorough.

Last but not the least!:

Thank you and good night.

PS: I'm still looking for a beta for this Mordred&Morgana fic, if anyone is interested. 3500ish words, PG.

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Like a gratuitous segment where there is rambling/navelgazing about the name Lassiter? Like how there is a movie about a jewel thief named Lassiter, and also books about cowboys named Lassiter, and isn't that funny, Lassie, because you are neither a jewel thief or a cowboy (Shawn says), much to the disappointment of your inner child. As for my inner child, it has always wanted to be psychic and to bring life truths to grumpy detectives the world over. I'm pretty fulfilled; are you?

Maybe I should just secretly Mary Sue myself into a Psych fic and see if anyone notices. ("Hey," Jules says, frowning at the computer screen, "what is a Livejournal?") ("Hey, is it me or is Lassiter... Asian and female?")

<333333 yes to all that!

OMG YES. Shawn would leave comments on your lj: "So glad you're making friends, Lassie! I know it's really you."

Shawn would leave comments on your lj: "So glad you're making friends, Lassie! I know it's really you."
FJKSJFLKJFLK THIS WOULD BE THE BESTEST EVER. I'd be so confused like WHO THE HELL IS THIS PERSON. Why is he calling me Lassie, that most hated nickname?!

And he would comment on my raunchy incest shit and be like, "LASSIE I ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD A DARK SIDE." And I'd be like, "ARE YOU A SPAMBOT???"

AHAHAHAHA. "LASSIE THIS IS SURPRISINGLY HOT!" and you would be like "....???"

Meanwhile at the station Shawn would stroll into work. "Lassie, Gus and I were going to rent Prince Caspian! Gus thinks there's the most chemistry between Susan and Caspian BUT I KNOW YOU DISAGREE."

AHAHA YES YES

"Here you are, all this time, mired in your skepticism of the supernatural, and yet you yourself harbor a secret admiration for such arts, don't you?!"

"I what?"

"Not to mention your secret admiration for incest. Does your mother know?"

"!!!!???!!!"

"I feel it is my responsibility to tell her, Lassie, if only for the safety of your siblings."

MEANWHILE ON LJ--

lassiterfics's Recent Entries: WHICH OF YOU IS PLAYING JOKEYTIMES ON ME

And then I rope you into being detectives with me so we can find and vanquish this troll once and for all!!

"Besides, I don't think you should be writing this much porn without any experience!"

"..."

Gus is skeptical at first, but eventually it turns out that he writes fic too, because he is geeky like that. Maybe he tries to have serious conversations about it?

We would have to look at ip addresses! And then go on a field trip!

lol Gus would totally write fic. I WOULD TOTALLY COMMENT ON GUS'S FICS, and we could totally be LJ FRENZ except he thinks it's Carlton. And the next time they meet, Gus says, "Hey I have a question about those ficlets you beta'ed for me for the ficathon," and Lassie replies, "Was that English?"

THERE WOULD TOTALLY BE FIELD TRIPS. Us in sunglasses at a payphone in a no-name town, following our latest lead. You're saying into the receiver, "Did you dig up more dirt on this IP address?" and Z says, "I traced it to a detective agency in Santa Barbara."

"Detective agency?"

"Detectives!" I spit out bitterly. "Never did like detectives."

"Thanks, doll, you're the best," and hang up the receiver with a decisive clack. "Let's go," you say, brusque and all business, so we get onto our Harley Davidsons and vroom off into the sunset.

Yeah, and then he'd comment cryptically on your entries: "It's cool, I'll stop talking about this stuff at work."

Jules feels like maybe Lassiter is secretly embarrassed so she tries to read up on fandom and fics and things. "I just read Neil Gaiman's 'The Problem of Susan'!" she says on stakeout. "I thought some of the fics you recced did a better job though."

YESSS. Sunglasses and drinking cheap coffee. "Should we go into this detective agency, you think?" I ask.

"Nah, let's just see who comes out," you say, and we get out our cameras.

I WAS SECRETLY HOPING YOU WOULD COME BACK THIS THREAD. \o/

'COs the Lassiters, we'd be like, "Has the world gone insaaaaane?!"

So when Gus leaves the Psych office, he hears, "There go go go!" and he only has time to think Bzuh? before something plows into him, knocking him to the ground. Then there's like a flurry of duct tape and rope and a bag is shoved onto his head and there's more "go go go!" and then he's being dragged somewhere, and then he's probably being thrown into a trunk, and yeah, because there's a loud slam and the world goes dark and he reeeeaaaally hope Shawn finishes beating Bejeweled 2 soon and realizes Gus has been gusnapped YET AGAIN.

And then there is a LOLZILY TERRIFYING INTERROGATION SCENE in which Gus screams like a girl a lot and we wear balaclavas and shine lamps in his face going, "TELL US! TELLL UUUUUSSSS!"

"I don't know anything!" Gus gibbers.

And I'm like, "LIES!"

"Truths!" Gus insists.

AND THEN AND THEN you're like, "Are you not Burton Guster a.k.a. centaurking780 on Livejournal, writer of the Lucy/OC WIP "Wings of Desire"?"

"...Uh," says Gus. "Possibly."

"Burton Guster," says I, I says, "we have your mother's email and we're not afraid to send her your faun porn."

"OKAY OKAY FINE I DID I WROTE WINGS OF DESIRE," Gus howls. "I am the centaur king."

And we like, give each other a satisfied nod.

"Please don't send my mother my faun porn," Gus says.

YESSSSSS I HAVE MISSED THIS THREAD TOO.

"We got him," you say into the phone to Z, while Gus looks back and forth between us.

"We won't send your mother your faun porn if you tell us who's been posting anonymously to Lassiterfics' livejournal," I say. "Comments like 'I KNOW WHO YOU ARE LASSIE' and 'LOL ASLAN/TASH,' who even ships that?"

"Uh..."

"We've traced the IP address to YOUR detective agency!" you say.

ASLAN/TASH OMG \o/ yessss

"It's not me!" Gus says.

"Then who is it?"

Then: lightbulb moment.

"Oh no," Gus says.

+

Supernatural, Lassie? Really? Really? What next, Twilight? I have done a thorough analysis of the contents of your Livejournal and have come to the conclusion that your life calling is actually to have sex with your sister in the middle of the desert as she deconstructs economic neoliberalism inbetween her moans of pleasure. Use a condom, okay?

Meanwhile, back at the Detective Agency, Shawn is getting suspicious. How long has it been since Gus went to get coffee? Entirely too long. He makes his way outside and surveys his surroundings: trampled grass, travel mug in the street, tire tracks....

Has Gus been kidnapped again?!

+

WHO ARE YOU I DON'T EVEN actually except for the sister part NO WHO ARE YOU

+

"Do you mean," Gus hedges, "that lassiterfics and Carlton Lassiter are...not the same people?"

Lassiter and Lassiter glare at each other, as in the background, Wyrm, Gus, and Shawn make this face: o_O

"So you're the cause of all this!" the Lassiters chorus. "Me? No, you!"

"This is weird," Wyrm decides.

"Weirder than faun porn?" Shawn asks.

Gus says, "Shut up about my faun porn."

"Does it count as bestiality if it's only half bestiality?" Shawn wonders.

"Are they truly beasts if they're sentient?" Wyrm asks.

"Sentient or not, a goat penis is a goat penis."

"Can we not talk about goat penises in places that are NOT the internet?" Gus pleads.

"Fraud!" the Lassiters yell at each other. "Impostor!"

"So...if you had to guess which one wrote about messages sleeping with each other," Shawn starts.

"Now everyone thinks I write porn!" yells Lassiter.

"Now I have weird people on my flist!" yells the other Lassiter.

"And you use words like flist!" yells the first Lassiter.

"Good point," Wyrm says.

"This would make really weird rpf," Gus says. "Which Lassiter would be the first to fall in love?"

Then everyone makes this face again: o_O

and another bonus of this thread is that whenever I go to answer the comment on the page, I am drowned in delightful Harry Potter pictures. :D

Wyrm, Gus, and Shawn sit at the corner table of a coffeeshop downtown, betareading each other's fics.

"'And then Lassiter caressed Lassiter's raven locks and stared deeply into her chocolate orbs'?" Shawn reads out. "Really, Gus? Really?"

Gus frowns. "What?"

"You're a 'raven locks and chocolate orbs' kind of writer?"

"It's called descriptive writing, Shawn," Gus sniffs.

"How about shortening Lassiter's name to Lass?" Wyrm suggests. "Or referring to Lassiter by his first name. You know, for flow."

Gus throws his hands up. "Everyone's a critic!"

...wyrm, this is officially the most ridiculous thing i have ever written.

"'I never thought I could feel this way,'" Wyrm reads from SHawn's paper. "'Lassiter, you make me whole. I know I'm not much of a catch--Shawn or even Gus would be a better--' This is out of character!"

"And you haven't specified which Lassiter you mean," Gus points out.

"I don't know, I think it works," Shawn says. "Keep reading, they talk about colonialism in the next chapter."

"'If I were a colonialist power,'" Wyrm reads out, scanning the page. "Well, that's good pillow talk."

NO BUT SO AWESOME.

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AN AFFAIR MOST HARMONIOUS

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