whynot | i brake for thesis

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i brake for thesis

1. Is 2010 like the year of the earthquake? There was another one in western China's Qinghai province this morning, seven on the richter and so far at least 600 dead. The Huffington Post has links to how you can help. Fandom, are we gonna have ourselves a help_china?

2. How about the AU where Cas and Anna are hunters together, and the Winchesters are angels. Uriel is the Bobby. What the hell would their last names be? The emotional/plot notes can't be the same as SPN. Anna is the older sister who wants out of this life, running away not to go to college, but to a simple life working some simple job. Younger bro Cas tracks her down when... something happens. Or maybe it's something else that compels her to go back to the life, because Anna in canon is never forced into anything. Canonically, she chose to fall, then she chose to be an angel again. So maybe something happens to Cas, and Anna is the one who pursues him. They reconnect, sort of. That is the pilot episode.

Mostly I just want to write about Cas and Anna on a road trip, patching each other up, fighting about their dad, Cas resenting Anna's aloofness, and Anna pitying his frustration. Recounting memories of their childhood and how much things have changed, but sometimes when Anna is the last one to fall asleep, she stares at the ceiling and listens to her brother's breathing in the next bed and it feels like being fourteen again, shacked up in another shitty motel room and waiting for Dad to come home. It's like that with Cas, she finds: being with her brother sometimes feels like time standing still.

I have no idea what the plot is, since Cas and Anna are emotionally so different from Dean and Sam. Anna is not so blindly self-sacrificing, and she probably has to end up pulling Cas back from a lot of stupid decisions. She always tell her little brother he has to think, man, think for yourself. "I'm not always going to be around to boss you around," Anna says, and she's smiling this crooked smile, and it feels like a little too much foreshadowing for Cas.

Mostly I want to rewrite 4.01 where Cas is all, "WHO ARE YOU," and Dean is like, "Dude, I'm the one who pulled you out of the fucking pit. Some thanks I get." Mostly I wanna rewrite 4.02 where Dean gets all in Cas's face in the end, all like, "Look, pal," etc. And omg, 4.16? 4.22? 5.04? jflksjdl.

But would this AU even naturally lead to canon S4? I don't know if Cas would summon a crossroad demon to bring Anna back from the dead. Maybe he'd do it for his dad, though. Maybe Cas goes to hell to get his dad back and Anna says DON'T DO THAT ARE YOU CRAZY, but yes, sometimes Cas is crazy, and something goes wrong and he gets stuck downstairs. Anna staunchly goes through every lore she knows trying to trick hell into giving her her brother back. Nothing works. Dean pulls Cas out of hell, but WHY? (Plus, Cas probably got all, "You should've saved my dad, not me," at Dean.)

And where does Sam come in? Maybe Sam is the Anna, and when he chose to fall, Dean spent years secretly looking for him on earth.

Aaaand that's all I got. I dunno, anyone wanna ramble it out with me in comments? Everyone should have a hunter AU. Mulder and Scully should be hunters. Gaga and Beyonce should be hunters. Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse should be hunters.

3. Meme time! Similar to the concept of

firstlines1000, give me the first line and I'll reply with it as the first line of a ficlet/drabble thingie. Fandoms: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, Fight Club, The Office, Parks & Recreation, classic Disney/WB cartoons, X-Files, Boondock Saints, Leverage, random anthropomorphism.

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I don't have very many kinks, but that is def one of them. I... am not even sure what my other kinks are. I suspect bloodplay and breathplay, but I don't read a lot of porn, so this is unconfirmed. Maybe bottoming from the top? Shrug.

Dunno why Meg would be undemoned, though. She's probably Sam's 'assistant' or whatever and occasional fuck buddy. omg, the scene where Sam argues with Sam over the right thing to do is gonna be a trip. Sam can kind of see where he's coming from though. I mean, duh. He recognizes himself; this is him after Dean died: single-minded and drowning in magical arcana, both half-crazed but buckled down. Ooh, talking about the magic Croatverse Sam uses is gonna be fun too.

"One hundred and fourteen," says his future self.

"What?"

"That's how many times I've watched Dean die."

lol those fics. It's like WE GET IT, he has pretty eyes and nice cheekbones, okay, I'm here to read a story not to read descriptions of publicity shots!

No one yells cut! Misha drowsing in the passenger seat. Misha asking "hey can I smoke in here?" and Dean says no. When they make a diner stop, Misha actually orders the salad. Who the hell orders salads at a diner? Not even Sam. "This is terrible," Misha scowls around a mouthful of lettuce, and Dean makes a face that says 'I told you so'. Back in the car, Dean asks "so where you from" because it's easier to let hitchhikers talk than to talk to them yourselves, and Misha says, "Everywhere." It's the same answer Misha gave when Dean asked him where he was going.

I think I read too much porn to be sure of my kinks. All over the place! Hurt/comfort is my guilty pleasure but sometimes the hurt is too much. But I bet Sam has a total bloodplay kink, I mean seriously that stuff with Ruby, it was not like they separated blooddrinking and sexytimes. Somewhere I was reading about how Dean and Sam sort of go opposites when they get sexual - Dean is sweet in the Racist Truck ep and Sam is domineering and, well, drinks Ruby's blood erotically. Maybe I should watch these eps again, rawr.

YEAH THAT'S THE THING, Sam knows what he's like after so much dead Dean, he's been there in the Tricksterverse and he's been there post hell and now he's there, except plenty more than four months later. So it's less like he's talking to a possible self but a real self, just, exaggerated - he knows how he feels. OH is that the scene where it's like, How do I know you're me? Ask me something only I would know. THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING. shit! wow.

Dude so I found that fic on your delicious and read it and there is SO MUCH "Damn that is a fine ass". Like seriously, asses, they don't get old there XD

"Where're you heading?" Misha asks.
"West Texas."
"What for?"
"Work."
"Plenty of it there?"
Dean shrugs.
"Maybe they've got a job for me there."
Dean smirks and Misha thinks, jerk. "You don't look like you're looking for work."
"Just quit my job."
"What'd you do?"
"Hollywood, you know."
And Misha suddenly really doesn't want to admit he was an actor, because this guy looks like he hates actors and other people who don't work real jobs, but when Dean asks if he's ever seen the guy who plays Dr Sexy MD Misha grins and says, "Yeah, actually, I started out as an extra on that show."
"What's he like?" Dean is not even trying to be cool about this. It's priceless.

Sam/Ruby evil bloodplay sexytimes is such an unmined treasure trove, man! Sam is totally rougher in bed.

THE THING THAT ONLY SAM KNOWS is that one time after Dean went to hell. Sam was researching some dark fucked up magic to bring his brother back, and the one he finds that MIGHT work requires him to make a couple of human sacrifices. ;-(
Does he actually make the sacrifice? I can see it going either way.

Misha slides off Dean like water. He is a collection of disjointed opinions and weird facts that flutter around Dean's head, and it gives Dean the feeling of being the amused bystander in the gasbag arthouse film that Misha seems to think his life is. "You're fucking weird, man," Dean says one time, shaking his head, and Misha just gives him a small shrug and replies, "I'm for enjoying, not for figuring out." And Dean says, "I'm not trying to figure you out."

Sometimes at diners, Misha buys Dean dessert without even asking and, well, far be it from Dean to turn down dessert. "For future reference," Dean says around a mouthful of pie, "my favorite kind is apple."

Misha says, "Hmm, yes, you would like apple pie."

Dean raises his eyebrows like 'what the hell is that supposed to mean?'

Misha asks, "What is the fastest you have ever driven your car?"

And it shows up everywhere in wincest. Oh dom/sub cliche. but it is true to their characters.

I don't think he would have made the sacrifices - when Ruby asks him to do that girl in the end of S4 he can hardly do it. Then again Mystery Spot's Trickster world when Bobby proposed it he seemed totally ready to do it. Dude, I dunno. They really ride that line about whether Sam is that desperate/ruthless. But in Croatverse so so many lines are crossed (Future Dean sends Cas and them into a trap as a diversion for him, can't even wrap my mind around that)

Misha is hilarioussss

Dean is torn between gunning it right then and there, or refusing to ever gratify Misha with the answer.

What kind of name is Misha for a dude anyway? The only Misha Dean knows of is that hot chick on the OC. This Misha is no hot chick and his taste in music is only slightly less questionable.

When he hands the Jay Paige Master Card to the waitress at the till, she smiles and flutters her lashes as he signs, and when he walks off she says, "You have a good day, Mr Paige."
Misha looks sidelong at him. "Back at the gas station you were Mr Richards."
Dean smirks. "International man of mystery."
"You're not afraid I'll turn you in."
They slide into the car. "You don't even know my real last name. Can't get me for anything with that." Dean doesn't mention the fact that he's also legally dead. Can't show all his cards - no pun intended.
"I know your license plate number."
Dean just laughs.

Then again Mystery Spot's Trickster world when Bobby proposed it he seemed totally ready to do it.
But I guess that's the thing, that Sam has already (almost) been there and he CAN'T go back, not now, not even now, not even for Dean, not even for himself or whatthefuckever. But he came so close. He found a guy to sacrifice, and Sam spent a couple of days putting it off by telling himself he's just researching this guy, finding out his routine and his routes so Sam has a better sense on when where how to kill him. That's what he tells himself. But the longer he watches, the longer this guy becomes a person, and finally in the end, Sam decides to choose someone else, it's too much.
Okay, that didn't go where I thought it would. A couple of possibilities:

1. The intended victim walks away never knowing Sam, never knowing he wanted to kill him. Sam is shaking and crying and hating himself that he even thought this, that he didn't follow through, that he wanted to, that Dean, Dean, Dean.

2. The intended victim ends up talking with Sam a bit about inconsequential things. It's an accident; Sam would never have let this happen, but for some reason Sam was caught unawares and the victim says something about, like, the weather. And Sam, discombobulated, gets drawn into conversation. Again with Sam ending up hating himself and killing no one, but he came so close, did he really, did he ever come close at all. This guy was smiling like he really WAS gonna go up to the lake with his buddies next weekend, because yes, Sam realized that he will go to the lake because he will not be dead, because Sam can't do this. Let some guy talk at you about the weather in the mountains and suddenly you pussy out, he thinks to himself, and doesn't know what to feel worse about.

3. Sam attacks the guy. Lures him into the trap and has the knife to his throat before buckling and letting him go and oh god Sam is never going to get his brother out of hell, but he cannot think that, but he cannot do this. Sam said once that there is nothing in the world he wouldn't do for his brother, and he clings to the words, clings because he doesn't know what else to do with it, doesn't know what else to hold.

lol, this is a fic in of itself.

That's Mischa with a C, Misha says. Then he drunksplains how Mischa vs. Misha is like Kristina vs. Christina, but it is all academic because there is clearly a superior and inferior here. And what kind of a name is Dean?

Well, Dean got named after his grandmother, which Misha thinks is cute, and Dean thinks maybe he should've said he was named after James Dean; that would've been the more acceptable story in this situation. And my brother's named after our grandfather, Dean adds, and Misha says wow.

IS IT BAD THAT I KIND OF WANT MISHA TO DISCOVER THE GUNS IN THE TRUNK AND END UP GOING ON A HUNT WITH DEAN?

<33333 Sam cares absurdly much, which is what I love about him infinitely, which is also what Dean would be making fun of him for, having a heart to heart with the traumatized witness instead of getting down to brass tacks. But Dean's not here to yell at him either way and so yes exactly Sam can't do it.

It totally is its own fic. Four times Sam doesn't kill for Dean and one time he does. Or vice versa. Or, Four times Sam Winchester saves his brother and one time he doesn't. WAH. That is pretty much what I was thinking as I watched the season 3 finale to season 4 bunch of episodes, that there needs to be 5 Times fic about his desperation and growing strength but ultimate powerlessness.

OH HEY YEAH they ARE brothers named after their married grandparents! does the show do that to fans on purpose I wonder, asdlsdflk

DRUNKSPLAINATIONS. my favorite!!

In what universe is that bad??

Misha asks him why he doesn't just fly if he has all those fake cards and does all this traveling for work. Dean makes a face. "And leave my baby?" He pats the Impala's dash. "Nah, can't bring my tools on the plane with me."
Misha doesn't see any tools, not till the next day when he's gone out to get a diet coke from the vending machine and Dean's closing the trunk but not before Misha catches a glimpse of gunmetal. Dean's answer suddenly makes more sense, but pretty much nothing else does now.

Four times Sam doesn't kill for Dean and one time he does.
YESSSSS. Perfect premise for writing about Sam's desperation. Who does Sam kill that's explicitly for Dean, though? Hmm, maybe the "four times he doesn't save Dean and one time he does" idea you mention, then. Is there a significant saving of Dean by Sam in S4?

does the show do that to fans on purpose I wonder, asdlsdflk
I have ceased wondering. I am so sure they do that shit on purpose now, I am so sure they know who their audience is, I am so sure. Well, when there is racefail I am less sure, but there you go.

There's a thing Dad used to say to Dean when he first learned how to shoot. "If you're not a good shot, you better hope you're a fast runner." And Misha is a fast runner. They're catching their breath pressed against the broad side of a barn and Misha's making too much noise, breathing too hard, itching to pace.

"I knew I should've got dropped off at Huntington when I had the chance," Misha mumble, and Dean glares at him and puts a finger to his lips. He is not in fucking Huntington, and now is not the time.

The thing about going through this series rapidfire is that there's a lot I don't remember exactly. I am sure LOTS OF SAVING goes on, besides the blooddrinking of course.

Dude, how may fics have we talked about? Your epic angelwinchesters AU, Croatverse Sam, Sam on the edge of killing for Dean, Five things fic, Misha-Dean adventuretiems...! HOW AWESOME.

Finally saw The Real Ghostbusters - all male audience? Totally not representative of rl fans of the show. I am sure it has to do with the fact that it's books, though, because then it's not actually about the eyecandy but rather more asskicking. (Crying? Do they bring up how much winchesters cry? Guys would pick up on that.)

LFDKJF I HAVE TO RUN, WILL ADD HUNTING!MISHA LATER

Hahaaaa, I enjoy plotting more than writing these days. I was trying to write stuff yesterday but I was all bleh. I guess my accidental SPN fic marathon is about to come to an end, or something. Also, finale in 2 episodes is gnawing at the back of my mind and damn you, SPN, I never wanted to care this much! D: FINALEEEE

I think the five things and Sam not killing for Dean can be squished into one fic. Haha oh man, all these things to write in! Maybe I should write drabbles or haikus or sonnets in these verses instead of a full-on fic, maybe that'll help me get over the block. OR I CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING THAT'S NOT FIC lol who am I kidding.

Croatverse Sam is leaner, like the bulk of him has been compressed and vacuum-sealed, muscle and bone. His hair has grown long, pulled back at the nape of his neck, and his jaw is fuzzed over with several days' worth of stubble. He looks like he's been shipwrecked for years, and it occurs to Sam that that's probably not too far from the truth.

"I don't let people in here," his future self says, looking about his cabin. "But I guess you're not people."

"What, you don't count yourself as people?" Sam asks, keeping his tone neutral as he surveys the contents of the room. I am so fucked, he thinks.

'cos it's all dark magic, right, all dark shit. he recognizes all the stuff he got into all those times Dean died, and here they are again, ghosts of the past, present in his future, things he vowed never to touch again when Dean was restored to him, things he will pretend he never considered now that Dean is alive and vital and warm to the touch. And that's what Sam tells his future self now: I promised myself never to get into this shit again.

"Yeah," says future Sam. "'Cos you're so great at keeping your promises. Watch." And then he says those wonderful terrible words that never fail to make Sam's blood run hot with hope, cold with the cost: "I know how to save Dean."

Sam replies with something to the effect of: you don't know anything, look at the shit you're getting into, you are in no position to--

"And not just my Dean," he continues, "but your Dean, too."

"No," Sam says automatically, before he ends up saying something else.

"No?" The syllable sounds so patient, so indulgent.

"No!"

"You should at least hear me out."

Sam tries to say no a third time.

+

some non-hunting Misha!:

Dean's starting to get twitchy the closer they get to Lancaster, where Dean said he had some business to attend to, whatever that means. "Where can I get drop you off, man?" Dean asked, and if Misha were a less selfish person, he would pick up on the hint and fuck off, but he is having too good of a time on this strange little journey with this strange little man fresh-cut out of the American dream. Misha turns on his charm full-blast and starts paying for all their meals and motels, and the latter is the deal-maker. Dean is a practical guy, and Misha sees the mental calculations whirring away -- Misha as distraction vs. Misha as bank account -- and in the end he assents to Misha's company (and wallet), as Misha knew he would.

After a time, Dean seems too distracted to even care anymore. The guy makes phone calls he takes pains to ensure Misha doesn't overhear, and returns from them with frown lines etched into his face. He starts asking weird shit like, "Is it the full moon this week?" and "Hey, do you know Latin?" and Misha knows fuck-all about the moon and Latin. He gets them a room at the edge of town, and Dean says, "I'll be back later tonight. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, call this number."

And Misha is like, "What the fuck," maybe he should've taken the hint and fucked off after all. Who the hell says shit like that? "Dean, are you in some kind of trouble?"

Dean grins. "It's not me who's in trouble."

"Just tell me straight. Are you going to do something illegal?"

"There are no laws for the things I do," he says, all cavalier and shit. Fresh-cut American dream, all the twitchiness of the past few days now transformed at the moment of reckoning into this fresh-faced bravado, all smiles and one-liners.

Misha doesn't ask what's going on because he doesn't think he wants to know, and then Dean says, "Just stay inside," and leaves.

-

Maybe Misha has bitten off more than he can chew; it won't be the first time. Maybe he should ask Dean to drop him off in Philadelphia. Does Misha know anyone in Philadelphia? Maybe Misha should just walk out the door right now and never look back. Maybe--

It is testament to how long Misha has been riding shotgun with Dean that he recognizes the rumble of the Impala's engine when it pulls up outside. What the hell? he thinks, when he notices that the sound of Dean's boots is unevenly paced.

"What the hell--!" he cries out when Dean barges through the door covered in blood. "Dean, what the--"

"Shut up," Dean growls, slamming the door behind him. He collapses in a chair and says, "Shut up, go to my bag, there's a needle and--"

"What the fuck happened?"

The next few seconds is just a mess of yelling. What happened. Shut up. Get the fucking needle and thread. Stop fucking screaming, jesus christ.

"You said you've stitched someone up before," Dean grunts.

He has. He will again, apparently. There's a deep gash across Dean's chest, right below his tattoo, and he has to work fast, his hands need to stop shaking, the blood needs to stop making everything so slippery. Dean is draped on the chair with his head lolling back and his hands gripping the edge of the seat; he stares at the ceiling, and his jaw is clenched.

Misha wonders if he should ask what did this. Instead he says, "What the fuck, Dean."

"Yeah, you should've seen the other guy," Dean mutters, then hisses as Misha pours antiseptic over the sutures, then Misha presses a washcloth against the wound, and presses hard.

"What would you have done," he asks, "if I hadn't been here to stitch you up?"

Dean lifts his head and looks surprised, his eyes gone bright and simple with pain. "I'd have stitched me up myself," he replies.

"You're crazy," Misha realizes.

"Get the whiskey."

Misha does as he's told, but takes the first drink before handing the bottle to Dean.

+

Yeah, I guess if SPN are books then they're more like comics? I'm never sure if they're books or comics, since Dean is apparently full-frontal in that one scene. HAHA THE TEARS. Well, I mean, even Bruce Wayne has manpain. Maybe the tears are covered in the "Frightened Little Boy: The Secret Life of Dean" panel XD. This episode is such a delight, I love it so much.

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Part 1: preferring to plot + Croatverse Sam

Part 2: 5x09 + Misha&Dean