whynot | 'Ashes, Ashes' - SPN - Claire!Castiel/Dean

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'Ashes, Ashes' - SPN - Claire!Castiel/Dean

I wrote a couple of fills at

blindfold_spn, and here is the tamer of the two. idk. The last time I wrote porn was a year and a half ago, and my reentry into NC17 is with something that gets you arrested in most states. Motherfucking kink meme rassa frassa. idek. Someone take the internet away from me.

Ashes, Ashes
Supernatural. Claire!Castiel/Dean. NC17. WARNINGS: underage (her age is never specified, but she is pretty clearly a teenager, so, y'know), vessel noncon
5x04verse. Written for the prompt "This vessel is growing up and coming of age, and sometimes Castiel gives in to the urges." ~1300 words

Dean is a light sleeper who sleeps only in short bursts, so Cas doesn't think anything of it when she steps through his doorway and he's already in bed. The floorboards creak under her feet, and the outline of his tense shoulders is a passive refusal.

"Whaddya want," Dean mumbles when she climbs onto his cot.

"Can't sleep," she says, and it's a good answer as any, because who can, these days?

He's sleeping on his side, facing away from her, one arm under the pillow. He doesn't move when Cas fits herself against his bare back, her cheek pressed between his shoulders and her arm around his waist. Dean is taciturn around her these days, which perhaps makes sense; terse and avoidant, but Cas doesn't mind so much. She is patient. It's the end of the world and everyone has run out of time anyway.

She shifts her head so that her lips brush his skin, and she closes her eyes, breathing warmly against his back. Her fingers curl, just the slightest, just a light touch scraping his belly, and Dean asks, "What, you gonna keep me up all night, too?"

"You never really sleep anymore anyway," Cas replies, and Dean covers her hand with his, stilling it.

"Go to sleep," he says, but it's just gonna go like how it goes the other nights, the both of them awake, the both of them aware. Maybe Dean would slip up and roll over unthinking to gather her in his arms, and once you're there, you're there. He'd pretend she isn't pressing half-kisses against his collarbone, pretend her fingers aren't trailing shivers down his spine. His breaths would be shallow, but steady, and she would strive for purchase at every point of contact, and neither of them would say a word.

+

What an inconvenience this body was. Long ago, she had discussed with Uriel the merits of taking the daughter versus the father for a vessel. In the end, time was of the essence and it had been quicker to wrangle a yes out of a child who didn't know any better.

There had just been another croat massacre, and Cas was in her cabin washing herself in front of the mirror, wondering at her vessel, how it had changed over the years. Limbs grown coltish and face gone thin. Hormones wreaking havoc now, and all that clinical information about humans a messy reality, distressingly tangible, and perhaps, perhaps, she should've taken the father instead. Yes, an older, sturdier vessel with none of these adolescent tripwires, less restlessness, less distraction, and none of these contracted feelings in the heart that ache without pain. To inhabit a body unused to controlling its desires is a cumbersome thing, and Cas didn't have the mojo to simply suppress it anymore.

She straightened before the mirror and reached into a corner of her mind, unfolding something small and bright.

Claire. Claire, wake up.

And Claire Novak bubbled to the surface, disoriented and young. No time had passed for her since she said yes, and the girl blinked her eyes and looked around.

Look in the mirror, said Cas. Look how you've grown.

So Claire looked in the mirror, and frowned, lifting a hand to touch her face, her tangled hair. "Wow," she breathed. She inspected herself from one side, then the other, then over her shoulder. "This is weird, Castiel," she said, then she frowned at her shirt. "Is this blood?"

Yes, but not from anyone you care about.

Claire made a face, and said, "Ick."

The shirt on the chair is clean.

After making sure no one else was in the room, Claire whipped off her shirt and was about to grab the clean one when someone came knocking.

"Cas?" said Dean's voice.

Claire said, "Who--" and Cas clamped down on her. She wrenched Claire away and pulled her back into the recesses of her mind, covering her and covering her, wrapping her in haphazard shreds of thoughts, quickly now, hurry.

"What?" said Cas, which Dean took as an invitation to come in, and then he just froze, deer in headlights in the doorway, and Cas in just her cutoff jeans, her defiant blush, and waiting for him to speak first.

+

But sometimes, sometimes on nights like these, Dean slips up even more and groans when Cas's touch drifts too low, or when she makes that swallowed sighing noise at the back of her throat. And if he says, "Cas," in that hoarse voice, sounding betrayed like he did just now, that is already half the battle.

She wastes no time.

Cas slides on top of him, and he groans with the weight of her as she licks up the side of his neck, as ready to taste him as he is hesitant to touch her. How light his touch is on her back, and how afraid to hold on. Sour taste of sweat and grime. Dean turns his head, cheek brushing against hers, and that is her cue to kiss him, because otherwise he never will. Between kisses, he's mumbling, "Fuck," he's mumbling her name, sounding trapped and angry, and she arches her back as he kisses her throat, grinds against his crotch and Dean groans. That's when he gives in. That's when he wraps his arms around Cas and flips them over, and she gasps with the impact. He bites her neck hard, and she whimpers, tangling her fingers in his hair and arching against him, wordless plea for more.

"Dean--" she gasps, and then another kiss. He gets his hand under her shirt and over her smooth belly, slipping around and down her shorts, cupping her ass. Dean pulls her shorts down, and then he watches her he slides his hands up her legs. His face is in shadow; Cas can't see his eyes. She feels the warmth of his hands, steady with intention, and her heart is pounding in her ears, heat pooling in her stomach and between her legs as Dean's hands slide up and part them.

So different now, from the first time. Dean so reluctant, full of excuses, then guilt when the excuses failed. "Look, you're a kid," he had said, and Cas said, "No, I'm not," but she isn't sure if that's true anymore.

Dean slips a finger inside, then two, and Cas lifts her hips and bites her lip, stifles a moan when his thumb strokes her clit. He hovers over her body and nips at her nipple through her tank top, tugging gently with his teeth, and again, and again, and Cas gasps, "I'm gonna--" and "Dean--" and Dean growls, "Turn around."

Cas says no.

She has him take off his pants and lie back, and she kneels over him, his hips between her knees, his hands on her thighs. His chest rising and falling, jaw clenched, his silence closed-off and waiting for the guillotine.

"Hey," Cas whispers, jacking him slow. "It's okay."

"It is," Dean says, "fucking far from okay."

And Cas sinks down on him, taking him in, and he swallows his moan but clutches her hips hard enough to bruise. She breathes shallowly, halfway between relief and pain. The groan hitches in her throat, and she leans forward, palms flat on Dean's chest.

"Oh my fucking god," Dean breathes. "Oh, my fucking god."

And all Cas says is, "Dean." She says, "Dean," in this crumpled voice, and she closes her eyes. She pulls back her hips and thrusts, and Dean swears again. Cas digs her fingernails into his chest, and she thrusts, and she thrusts, and she thrusts.

Maybe function follows form. Before the first time they fucked, Dean had asked, "Is Claire still in there?"

Cas said no.

Trapped in a girl and subject to selfish desire. Nothing makes Cas an angel but memory.

(She lifts her hips, and Dean tugs her back down, a sharp movement that feels like a fight, the kind you expect to lose.)

Nothing makes her human but everything else.

[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/29024.html |

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<33333 You should totes write porn more often, m'dear.

<333 THANK YOU OMG D:

Oh lord, Blindfold, what hath it made of me. *CLINGS TO GEN AND UST*

Yanno, I hate the idea of anyone BUT Misha playing Cas so much that I almost didn't read this. But ultimately, I adore your writing and Castiel as a girl has always been hot so I gave it a try. I'm so glad I did. ♥

Trapped in a girl and subject to selfish desire. Nothing makes Cas an angel but memory. I liked this line a lot, and the one about it being the end of the world and everyone being out of time. And the bit with him talking to Claire was kind of adorable in a sad, fucked up way.

Edited 2010-07-22 16:16 (UTC)

<333 Thank you! I'm sorry you gave this a try, I used to be a nice girl. ;(

God knows I <3 Misha!Cas, but recent history has shown my infatuation with non-Jimmy!Cas to be just growing and growing. How long before I actually write a John!Castiel AU, y'know?

How long before I actually write a John!Castiel AU, y'know? ...That actually sounds kind of awesome.

Here's what I wrote in an email to my friend: "It would be extra delicious because every time Johntiel tells Dean to do something, Dean's instinct is to do it, and he has to remind himself that this isn't really his dad. The mindfuckery is upped ten billion points, which maybe the angels are aware of and precisely why they made Cas envessel John in the first place." Dean is used to unquestioning obedience to this form.

oh god Johntiel might make my brain officially run away screaming.

Screaming in arousal?

dear Father, I am poised between 'AUGGHHHH!!11!' and oh, yeah

EMBRACE THE OH YEAH

So wrong, so infinitely right for Dean/Cas to be even more traumatic than what the show dares to suggest.

I have to admit, I don't care about Misha much, but Castiel's another matter altogether...

Ahaha, there's trauma in them thar ship!

Right? I would enjoy Castiel even if he envesseled, like, a dung beetle. Maybe even especially then.

Thanks for reading :)

okay jeez you and gabby are making me like this disturbing pairing despite how wrong it is, or because of, or because you know full well how wrong it is, or something.

Maybe function follows form. Before the first time they fucked, Dean had asked, "Is Claire still in there?"

Cas said no.

Trapped in a girl and subject to selfish desire. Nothing makes Cas an angel but memory.

But yeah, this would be why.

It's superduperwrong and maybe that's why we like it? Thanks for joining us in this handbasket; don't mind the heat.

<333

pretty much!!

oh Claire small and bright. ;___________; IT IS LIKE A HORRIBLY FUCKED UP '13 GOING ON 30' EXCEPT WITH BLOOD INSTEAD OF PRETTY SHOES.

I think I'll have to print this out so at least I'll have something to read while I'm in jail.

Edelweiss!Claire! :D :((((((

I hope you get the cell next to mine, we can work out some sort of secret knocking code and knock out more wrongbad porn.

So in case I was too overwhelmingly subtle about being anon on the blindfold: OH HEY THIS IS SO GOOD. I will never, ever, shake the horror of waking Claire up for the lolol funtimes of "aw look how you've grown! you're missing your entire life! oh wait brb gotta fuck this guy."

And if he says, "Cas," in that hoarse voice, sounding betrayed like he did just now, that is already half the battle.

How are you so good, howww.

<33333 AWW BB. Thank you! It was your fill that so inspired me. Apparently when it comes to underaged porn, you are my muse.

oh wait brb gotta fuck this guy.
Cas has priorities, okay.

My deleted scenes for this are thing like half as long as the fic itself. Here is one, for you:

There used to be a boy named Peter in Camp Chitaqua, and he was her first. All hopped up on Chuck's special moonshine, they went at it in the woods, where you're never supposed to go after dark, but Peter was young and horny, and Cas thought she might be too, she wasn't sure. She just liked it when Peter put his hand up her shirt or down her pants, liked him muttering curses in her ear until her breathing came in shakes. So there they were, in the woods, Peter assuring her that it was supposed to hurt the first time, and Cas biting her bottom lip, one pain to distract from another.

"It's hard being human," Cas said afterward, and Peter laughed but it wasn't like he got it. He said he agreed, being human is fucking hard, so maybe that was why he turned croat the next week. Then it was shotgun to the face, and the blood and meat went everywhere.

Dean lowered the gun and wiped the worst of it off her cheek. "You okay?"

Cas replied, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Awww we will fill each other up with underaged porn, paving out mutual path to the hot place down below. I really do plan to carve out some time and flesh out the whole Maya Hansen!Claire!Cas (http://gabby-silang.livejournal.com/261673.html?thread=1973801#t1973801) thing where she tries to manufacture ARTIFICIAL GRACE and works in an MIT lab passing herself off as a young prodigy and also there are makeouts but at this point she's maybe like SIXTEEN in body so it's not THAT BAD RIIIGHT???

Also undfkuahg;afdg He said he agreed, being human is fucking hard, so maybe that was why he turned croat the next week. CASSSS, YOUR DISPASSION IS SO AROUSING. I enjoy the dynamics of this. That, really, despite their relative sexual experience levels, really it is she who is defiling poor Peter.

*______* That makes me wish I've actually seen the Iron Man movies.

<333 It's difficult to really defile her because it's difficult to unhinge her, I think. There's still this glass wall between her and humanity, and sometimes she's relieved for it, occasionally she truly hates it.

I kept starting more gen scenes for this fic and had to keep reminding myself "lol you are writing for the kink meme". I wish there were a gen or UST meme.

An apocalypse makes you grow up fast, and what few teenagers there are in Chitaqua learn how to shoot to kill at the earliest opportunity. They help out on supply runs just like anybody else, but when Dean hunts the Devil, Cas is the only kid who comes along. Irregularity breeds rumors, but desperation forgives depravity, and for the most part, no one says anything about it because Cas is fast and a good shot and always ready to call Dean out on excessive asshattery when everyone else is too scared to.

These hunts are sporadic and usually follow a high body count or a particularly bad night at the bottom of a bottle. Dean comes up with plans and backup plans, and in briefing they sound good. Crazy, but workable, and off they go, either believing in their fearless leader, or fearing him. People die, both on their side and the enemy's, and they never, ever catch the Devil.

Surrounded by the dead, Lucifer easily holds both them in place with one lifted hand, smiles at Dean. Wipes the blood from Dean's forehead and pats his cheek, smiling, saying, "Tag. You're it." And then he's gone.

And that's all the scrap that's fit to print.

Oh, Maya hasn't been in the films, she's from comics. She's the scientist who invented the extremis process (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extremis_(comics)#Extremis) which is basically, ummm... custom-made bio-tech superpowers that are grafted into your DNA. I like the quote they have from Maya in that article, though:

"...Extremis is a super-soldier solution. It's a bio-electronics package, fitted into a few billion graphite nanotubes and suspended in a carrier fluid. A magic bullet, like the original super-soldier serum - all fitted into a single injection. It hacks the body's repair center - the part of the brain that keeps a complete blue print of the human body. When we're injured, we refer to that area of the brain to heal properly. Extremis rewrites the repair center. In the first stage, the body essentially becomes an open wound. The normal human blueprint is being replaced with the Extremis blueprint, you see? The brain is being told the body is wrong. Extremis protocol dictates that the subject be placed on life support and intravenously fed nutrients at this point. For the next two or three days, the patient remains unconscious within a cocoon of scabs. (...) Extremis uses the nutrients and body mass to grow new organs. Better ones..."

ANYWAY long story short, Maya!Clairestiel making herself a supersoldier serum in a horrific, pathetic attempt to regain what she's lost. And the first time she comes face to face with an angel after going through the process and fucking up Claire's body and confronting just how short it falls of the real deal.

SAD SUPERHEROES. I LOVE THEM.

desperation forgives depravity

INDEED. Like the time a scouting party comes upon a beautiful reservoir, sparkling blue under a rare blue sky, and Cas gives a straight-up hoot, leaps out of the back of a pickup all gangly and lithe, stripping off on her way, shouting "Watch my 6, fearless leader," and tossing a wink over her shoulder.

TAG. DEAN'S IT. sadlhfals;'gf I could. Oh god, no lie, I could live solely on endless Croatverse gen. Sometimes I go back and read you & uno's story and weep myself to ecstasy. (That is not weird, that is a normal thing that normal people do.)

Hey did I ever tell you about Croat!Claire!Cas? Ah, good times.

the body essentially becomes an open wound.
The brain is being told the body is wrong.
For the next two or three days, the patient remains unconscious within a cocoon of scabs. (...) Extremis uses the nutrients and body mass to grow new organs. Better ones...
aaaaaangels ;________; 4eva. It's like backwards envesseling. They already have the vessel. WHAT MAKES AN ANGEL AND WHAT MAKES A MAN?? Certainly not extremis. Was that softcore Gillian Anderson "Extremis" video a reference to this?!

I need more croatverse in my life all the time. I start thinking things like MAKE A CROATVERSE MEME or MAKE A CROATVERSE FANWORK EXCHANGE and then I think calm down, calm down. Every possibility makes me excited. Once I read an AU where Anna was also in Chitaqua. You can only imagine the throes of my delight. What if John were in Croatverse? What if Claire, Ben, and Jesse were?

Is that the one where she then has to track Jimmy down and envessel him before Claire vessel breaks?

AKSHULLY her video thing was yeeeears before this. I can't remember when Extremis came out but it was in the last 10 years sometime. Last 5 years? Recently.

FANWORK EXCHAAANGE. God. Gimmie like, two months and I would be all up on that so fucking hard. Crying and writing and writing and crying.

CroatClaireCas is the one that started out just being Dean, Lisa, and their ADORABLE NEW BABY, and also Ben at Camp Chitaqua, and then I was like omggg Jimmy must show up in a battered Subaru with infected Claire in the back! And later Dean is like god this guy is annoying fml and hollers for Cas who arbitrarily decides to envessel Croatclaire because SHE WASN'T USING THAT BODY ANYWAY. Goddddd, guys.

Here, have snippet:

Castiel gets a contemplative look on her face, does something funny with her lips. Then she reaches up, opens her mouth, and picks a thumbnail-sized chunk of something pink from between her teeth.

“What the hell is that?” Dean doesn’t even know why he asks. It’s clearly not a strawberry, or a Jolly Rancher, or some apple peel, or undercooked hamburger.

“Human flesh,” Cas supplies, and examines it with something like regret. “Probably her mother’s.”

“Christ, okay, if you’re gonna stick around, you seriously need to talk to Jimmy. This,” he gestures to indicate all five-foot-three of her. “This is ridiculous.”

“Jimmy doesn’t want to talk to me, and this vessel is perfectly adequate.”

“You’re a zombie,” Dean says. Cas rolls Claire’s yellowing eyes.

“That’s inaccurate in a number of ways."

You know what other meme needs to exist (aside from the skydiving!Sam meme) is Changing Channels part deux. Don't we all love crackovers? Hmm I could probably use my 'nothing to watch' mundane_bingo square to write self-indulgent fourth wall crossover... Maybe one can start some croatverse threads on that awesome-looking

spn_commentfic community that just ~popped up on the D/C newsletter, HMMMMM.

CROATVERSE BABY!! :D: Is its first word ZOMBIE?? Does Lisa come in all excited like DEAN DEAN JUNIOR JUST SPOKE but its first word is plague. Or, worse, angel. THAT'S NOT HAMBURGER ;_____; what is it with you and cannibalism, what, what is it.

Speaking of comics! Which we are not. But! In addition to "Trese", I also recommend "Elmer" by Gerry Alanguilan, which is about chickens becoming sentient and integrating into human society. YES. CHICKENS, AS IN FRIED, AND CLUCK CLUCK AND EGGS. BECOMING SENTIENT. It's a short four-issue, and the first is kinda anvilicious with the social commentary (and available for free on his website I think!), but it gets better. Also it asks important questions like, "Should chickens and humans be allowed to marry?"

Ahh, cannibalism and bestiality, it's like last week all over again.

Very well written!!

Thank you!

i have never read any fic dealing with this concept. this is very daring but very well-written.

Thank you! And nor have I, until Blindfold. Oh, Blindfold.

oohhh Claire!Castiel :D So it was only a few minutes in 4x20, but the actress really impressed the hell out of me with her Castiel. *__*

I almost never read porn lol, but there are certain parts of this fic that really leap out at me:

What an inconvenience this body was. Long ago, she had discussed with Uriel the merits of taking the daughter versus the father for a vessel. In the end, time was of the essence and it had been quicker to wrangle a yes out of a child who didn't know any better.
SO DISMISSIVE. Oh Cas. Hey, at least she agreed to it~

Haha at Dean coming in and getting embarrassed! Especially because it's like "angel" but then "ohhh pretty girl WAIT UNDERAGE also ANGEL." LOL.

Wondering: is the similarity between the sentences "Cas says no" and "Cas said no" deliberate? I do like it.

Trapped in a girl and subject to selfish desire. Nothing makes Cas an angel but memory. and then Nothing makes her human but everything else.
mmmm lovely tie-up there.

Interesting that you've kept Claire here with Cas, since I got the impression in 5x04 that Jimmy was gone, leaving Cas with his body. That said, this just makes for a creepy but interesting dynamic in the fic, so. Not complaining.

I almost never write porn! But Blindfold was weirdly compelling, and I succumbed. Stupid kink memes.

Ahaha! I didn't notice the parallel structure until after I wrote it actually. Aw dang, I should've said TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THAT, shouldn't I.

I have no idea what to think with Jimmy sometimes. Until we get some sort of Word Of God that Jimmy's dead and gone, I'm inclined to believe that he's still in there somewhere, because I too love creepy dynamics. In case that wasn't clear. XD

Thank you very much for such a wonderful comment on my very creepy fic. <333 XD

(deleted comment)

It was my first time writing something like it. ;_____; I'm not sure I'm fully recovered.

Thank you!

Man, poor Dean. It's Cas, but still, Claire and all those rules and norms that induce a million guilt trips.

I kinda want to know what happens when Claire finally finds out what Cas has been doing with her tender little vessel... just only kinda.

Does age of consent exist in the zombie apocalypse? If it does, Cas certainly doesn't care. The scenario I'm thinking of where Claire finds out about all the sex with Dean is at least twice as creepy as this fic, so maybe I will let that sleeping dog lie. Or think of less creepy ones. HAHA but that is kind of like saying "how do I make salt less salty?"

I do wonder how often Cas lets Claire resurface though. Maybe Dean suspects when he overhears Cas "talking to herself". He hopes she's just going crazy like everyone else is, because the alternative is much worse.

butting in to say OMG SPLIT PERSONALITY/TIMESHARE/WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT CROATVERSE IS SO MUCH WORSE WITH CLAIRE!

:DDDDDDDD

It tends to happen more when she is PMSing. gaaah how to even imagine a hormonal fallen angel. I bet her mood swings are epic. What does Chitaqua even do for pads?

...

Vampires after Cas's blood on a road trip is also worse with Clairestiel.

Wow, I've contemplated writing a Dean/Future!Claire!Castiel fic, too!
But it's not likely to be completed 'cause it's almost disgustingly creepy...hahaha. (preg drug orgy miscarriage and etc....;;;)

Human children grow so fast. It's amazing what a couple of years can mean, isn't it? :) No matter who Future!Castiel is heartbreaking(and heartbroken), though, blonde Cas is still a superhot(hottest) chick, I guess.

This is so beautifully written that I want to translate this into Korean(Do you mind if I do that?...).

I am forever intrigued by Clairestiel and how horrifying the concept is, and yet that is why I am so compelled. And of course, croatverse is my favorite of the canon AUs, so the two together was like Christmas... A CHRISTMAS OF DESPAIR.

I'm very flattered you want to translate this fic to Korean! Thank you! Yes please, you may, you may! May I have the link to the translation when you are done?

Thank you!

OMG, finally! I've just done it! XD

http://cafe.naver.com/mishacollins/5850

↑Here I posted it. I'm anxious.... Seems like I mucked it up;;

Thank you very much! I don't read Korean nor do I have the thing on my computer to see the script, but I am very flattered that you took the time to do this. I'm sure you did fine!

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'Ashes, Ashes' - SPN - Claire!Castiel/Dean

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