SORRY, OUR CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN.

[whynot]

This is an excerpt from the Supernatural episode of a documentary series entitled Wild Fandom, produced by intrepid documentarians lassiterfics, puckling, and zempasuchil.


SEE THE S2!NOSTALGICS STALKING THE WILDS OF LIVEJOURNAL FOR WINCEST, A COMMON GAME. WATCH HERE AS THEY BARE THEIR TEETH IN WARNING AT THE EVER ELUSIVE HET.


Figure 1: Dean/Anna, a shy beast.


Figure 2: "DNW!!1", a common expression of displeasure.
AND WHAT IS THIS, LURKING IN THE LONG GRASS? IT IS KRIPKE, HER NATURAL ENEMY.


Figure 3: Kripke preys on the old, the young, and the easily titillated.
THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS AN UNEASY SYMBIOSIS. A MORE ACCURATE DESCRIPTION WOULD BE MUTUAL PARASITISM.

"We've grown very fond of them."

THE RESIDENT FANDOM RESEARCH TEAM IS HIGHLY DEVOTED TO THEIR STUDY OF THESE CURIOUS CREATURES.

"Yeah, we've even named them - Becky and Chuck. We're excited to examine the depth and limits of their symbiosis as we spend more and more time with them."



THIS SAVANNA, MOST COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "EL JAY", CONTAINS THE DENSEST POPULATION OF FANGIRLS IN THE WORLD. THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR BOTH GREAT COLLABORATION AND FIERCE INFIGHTING. THE FIERCEST OF THE FIGHTING IS REFERRED TO BY MANY FANGIRLOLOGISTS AS A "SHIP WAR". IT USUALLY BEGINS WITH AN UNFAVORABLE OPINION ABOUT SAM AND/OR ANGELS, AND ENDS IN REINFORCED CRONYISM. Observe:


Figure 4: Supernatural and Mean Girls, on the other hand, have found a natural ally in each other, much like giraffes and zebras.
AFTER THE FLAMES HAVE SUBSIDED, BOTH SIDES RETREAT TO LICK THEIR WOUNDS AND SHOW EACH OTHER SCREEN SHOTS, REMINDING EACH OTHER THAT THEIR OTP IS "SO CANON". THE GROUP BOND IS THUS REINFORCED, as such:


Figure 5: Fangirls have a curious obsession with hugs.


THE FANGIRL CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES THE CAMERA, DRAWN IN BY LIGHT REFLECTING FROM THE LENS. SEE HER JAW WORK AS SHE CHEWS THE THING CALLED CANON INTO A MUSHY CUD. CANON, ESPECIALLY OF THE STRAIN SUBTEXTIAE HOMOSEXUALUS, IS THE TRADITIONAL FANGIRL LURE, BUT THE FANGIRL IS A RESOURCEFUL CREATURE. SHE WOULD SNATCH THE CANON FROM ITS TRAP AND RUN FAR AND FAST INTO THE NIGHT, HER SQUEES ECHOING ACROSS THE PLAINS.


Figure 6: A mushy cud.
SHE FORTIFIES HER DEN WITH THE NOW-MANGLED CANON AND CURLS PROTECTIVELY AROUND HER INCHOATE BROOD. SUMMER IS A HAVEN FROM ENCROACHING WRITERS PREYING ON HER PRECIOUS YOUNG, BUT FALL WILL BRING COLDER WEATHER AND WITH IT, THE IMMINENT RISK OF BEING JOSSED.



This has been brought to you by the Mutual of OMG. Feel free to share with us your favorite Wild Fandom excerpts and episodes, and together let us contemplate the wildness and beauty of her, this creature called fangirl.

[originally posted at http://whynot.dreamwidth.org/23047.html | comments]

Comments

[gabby-silang.livejournal.com]

A FANGIRL ATE MY PARENTS. ;____;

I have been hunting ever since, hunting for the fangirl who tore my family apart on that fateful night sometime between 1997 and 1999.

It was a while ago so it might have been like.

A Due South fangirl. Or uh.

Or maybe a Highlander fan I DON'T KNOW OKAY. BUT SHE HAD YELLOW EYES AND SHE SET ME ON THE TRAGIC PATH I NOW TREAD. AND I WILL NOT, I WILL NOT REST. Until her head is stuffed and mounted in my userinfo.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

ARE YOU SURE SHE WASN'T A TREKKIE

[mrinalinee.livejournal.com]

COMMONLY BELIEVED TO BE RETIRING AND DIFFIDENT IN CAPTIVITY, THE FANGIRL CAN BE AGGRESSIVE AND BELLIGERENT IN HER NATURAL HABITAT. HER PRIMARY FORM OF ATTACK IS INUNDATION BY POSTING MULTIPLE PARTS OF HER WIP IN ONE DAY, ANYWHERE FROM 2-6 BUT OFTEN AS HIGH AS 9. OCCASIONALLY, THIS MAY BE A MANIFESTATION OF THE DESIRE FOR DOMINANCE, THE SOUGHT-AFTER POSITION OF "BEE-ENN-EFF," A MUCH-DISCUSSED BUT RARELY-SIGHTED BEAST. IT'S WHEN SHE BREAKS OUT THE TINY PINK TEXT THAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO WORRY.

Aaaand, once my sentence structure is this off the rails, I should really go to bed. HOSHIT, I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR 22 HOURS.

[anjali-organna.livejournal.com]

IRONICALLY, THE MORE THE FANGIRLS BREED, THE FEWER "BEE-ENN-EFFS" EMERGE. THOSE THAT DO ARE HARDENED CREATURES WITH THEIR OWN SUBSET OF FANGIRLS WHO ARE EVEN MORE RABID THAN NORMAL.

[mrinalinee.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, yesssss. FANGIRL REPRODUCTION ITSELF IS ONE OF THE MOST CURIOUS ANOMALIES OF THE ANIMAL WORLD. WHILE MANY FANGIRLS SEEM FASCINATED BY THE MECHANISMS OF HUMAN REPRODUCTION, ANALYSIS OF THE FANGIRL GENOME REVEALS VERY FEW SIMILARITIES AND NO DISTINCTIVE GENOMIC SIGNATURE. HOW IS THE FANGIRL MADE? CURRENT FANGIRLOLOGISTS THEORIZE THAT FANGIRLS MAY BE THE ONLY COMPLEX MULTICELLULAR ORGANISMS TO REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY.

THE RABIDITY ITSELF MAY BE A PRODUCT OF THE HERD MENTALITY, HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS THE "FANDOM HIVEMIND" WHEREBY FANGIRLS AFFIRM AND REINFORCE EACH OTHER'S OBSESSIONS. THE SOURCE AND LOCATION OF THIS "HIVEMIND" ARE AS YET UNKNOWN.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

FANGIRLS COMMUNICATE TO EACH OTHER IN SQUEE, OF WHICH THERE ARE TWO DIALECTS: CAPSLOCK AND KEYSMASH. THERE EXISTS ALSO SOME SORT OF CREOLE THAT MESHES THE TWO TOGETHER.

[anjali-organna.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHA.

[nyoka.livejournal.com]

I...HAVE NO WORDS.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

This capslock will suffice. <3

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

Figure 5: Fangirls have a curious obsession with hugs.

ILU. Also the part about mean girls. And really the entire thing.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

Mean Girls is quite an affable creature! It gets along with most fandoms, especially in macro form.

[anjali-organna.livejournal.com]

I WANT TO MARRY YOUR BRAIN.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

You'll have to marry Z's and Puck's too! XDDD

[metonomia.livejournal.com]

So, you need to get David Attenborough to read this aloud. It would totally be the next big thing at Nova.

I can has major in fangirlology?

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

Hmm! I assume Nova is a con of some sort? :D

God, I was unofficially getting a degree in fangirlology when I should've been studying statistics. XD

[metonomia.livejournal.com]

Nova is a company of some sort, maybe a film production thing - their name is on all sorts of science and nature documentaries. It could totally be a con, though, too.

Fangirlology with a minor in procrastination, that's what I'm doing. Like right now, when I should be writing a paper. But I can just tell the prof that my homework was eaten by fandom!

[marycontraire.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

HE FIERCEST OF THE FIGHTING IS REFERRED TO BY MANY FANGIRLOLOGISTS AS A "SHIP WAR". IT USUALLY BEGINS WITH AN UNFAVORABLE OPINION ABOUT SAM AND/OR ANGELS, AND ENDS IN REINFORCED CRONYISM.

I am so amused, I cannot even tell you.

FALL WILL BRING COLDER WEATHER AND WITH IT, THE IMMINENT RISK OF BEING JOSSED.

::continues to giggle::

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

*SNORFLE*

Should you come across a pack of spn fangirls in the wild, make yourself seem as tall as possible, back away slowly, do not startle.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

Remember, fangirls are probably more frightened of you than you are of them.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

THE MANY GENUS OF FANGIRL HAVE YET TO BE PROPERLY CATEGORIZED, ESPECIALLY AS SOME SIMULTANEOUSLY CAN BE SEEN AS "OTP-ERS" AND "SPN" FEN, WHILE OTHERS INHABIT THE TWO SEEMINGLY MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE CATEGORIES OF "HET SHIPPER" AND "DUE SOUTH FAN". NATURALLY, OBSERVERS ARE STILL FIGURING OUT THE INTRICACIES OF FANGIRL IDENTIFICATION.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

THE HIERARCHY IS COMPLICATED AND VICIOUS. SEE WITHIN HARRIUS POTTERA, THE RIVALRY BETWEEN RON/HERMIONE AND "HARMONY".

STILL EVEN MORE ELUSIVE IS THE GENFIC WRITER.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

WHILE THERE IS ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE OF GENFIC WRITERS, THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A STUDY ON THEM IN PEER REVIEWED LITERATURE. THEY ARE SAID TO LIVE IN MORE MOUNTAINOUS TERRITORY THAN THE HET AND SLASH FANGIRLS OF "EL-JAY", AND SOME HAVE HYPOTHESIZED THAT YETI ARE ACTUALLY GENFIC WRITERS, OUT SCOURING THE LANDSCAPE FOR CANON.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

CERTAIN STRAINS OF GENFIC WRITERS SHARE SEVERAL CHARACTERISTICS WITH SLASH AND HET WRITERS. SOME FANGIRLOLOGISTS INSIST THIS IS A NEW SPECIES IN OF ITSELF, CALLED PRESLASH, OR THE MORE ENCOMPASSING PRESHIP. GENFICOLOGISTS INSIST IT IS, IN FACT, PREGEN.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

THEN THERE IS THE SUBGENRE KNOWN AS SMARM. WHILE TO ALL APPEARANCES AND OBSERVATIONS IT IS A PRODUCT OF THE SLASH WRITER, GENFICOLOGIST FIRMLY IDENTIFIES IT AS PART OF THE GEN FAMILY. SLASHOLOGISTS INSIST THAT IT IS TRULY A SLASH FIC MASQUERADING, CUCKOO STYLE, AS A GEN FIC IN ORDER TO ABSORB MORE OF THE GEN FANGIRL'S TIME AND ATTENTION.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

lol, that. That is what I have been up to, slash masquerading as gen. I'm unsure as to whether you're joking about it being called 'smarm'. I think this means you've done your job well.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

Smarm (http://fanlore.org/wiki/Smarm). It is like, an actual recognized thing, I shit you not.

BEHOLD THE SMARM IN THE WILD. IF WE WATCH CAREFULLY, WE CAN PERHAPS ASCERTAIN IT'S ORIGINS.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

hahahahaha oh god, I LOVE IT. I AM ALL ABOUT THINGS BEING OSTENSIBLY GEN. My ships are ninja ships.

ONE SLASHOLOGIST SPENT WEEKS STUDYING A SMARM ONLY TO BE LAUGHED OFFSTAGE AT A CONFERENCE WHEN ITS TRUE NATURE WAS REVEALED. HIS CAREER NEVER RECOVERED FROM THE BLOW AND HE SANK INTO ALCOHOLISM, AND EVENTUALLY DIED OF CONSUMPTION.

[puckling.livejournal.com]

THE FANGIRLOLOGIST CONVENTIONS OFTEN INVOLVE POWER POINT SLIDE UPON POWER POINT SLIDE OF EL-JAY ALONG WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF BOOZE. AFTER THE SCIENTISTS GET *REALLY* DRUNK, THEY'VE BEEN KNOWN TO READ DESCRIPTIONS OF BADFIC OUT LOUD. FIRST ONE TO LAUGH WHILE READING LOSES.

[animus-wyrmis.livejournal.com]

ILU.

THERE IS MUCH INFIGHTING IN THE FANGIRL WORLD. FANGIRLS FREQUENTLY GO HEAD-TO-HEAD OVER WHOSE CANON IS MORE CANON; SOMETIMES ONE GROUP OF FANGIRLS INSIST THAT ANOTHER IS SHIPPING AGAINST THE WILL OF THE CREATERS.

[animus-wyrmis.livejournal.com]

...did I just spell creators wrong? omfg.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

LOL happens to the best of us, bbbbb.

MY FANON IS MORE CANON THAN YOURS should be like a bumper sticker, if LJ had any use for bumper stickers.

[lexhibition.livejournal.com]

CHILD REARING AMONG FANGIRLS IS A COMMUNAL EFFORT. OFFSPRING ARE SUBJECTED TO THE SCRUTINY OF THE ENTIRE CLAN, AND THOUGH THE MOTHER CAN TRY TO PROTECT HER BROOD THROUGH THE USE OF A WET NURSE (KNOWN AS A 'BETA'), IN THE END ONLY THE STRONGEST CAN SURVIVE. THOSE DEEMED BY THE TRIBE TOO WEAK TO COMPETE ARE EITHER FLAMED AND BURNED ALIVE, OR ARE SIMPLY IGNORED AND LEFT TO STARVE TO DEATH WITHOUT THE NOURISHING DIET OF THE COMMENT FRUIT.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

THE COMMENT FRUIT IS USUALLY SWEET IN FLAVOR, AND IS BITTER AND PRICKLY TO VARIOUS DEGREES. SOMETIMES WHAT LOOKS LIKE A FRUIT IS FIC CUBS IN DISGUISE, NESTLING IN THE THICK BRANCHES OF THE COMMENT TREE FOR PROTECTION FROM EL JAY'S PREDATORY WAYS.

THE COMMENT TREE SUPPORTS ITS OWN ECOSYSTEM, BEING HOME TO CREATURES SUCH AS THE WANKBEAST AND THE GREATER SPOTTED SQUEE.

[be-themoon.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH, OMG.

FANGIRLS OFTEN PASS THE TIME BY POSTING PICTURES THAT AFFIRM THEIR BOND WITH THESE FICTIONALIZED CHARACTERS. IT IS NOT UNCOMMON FOR THEM TO HAVE A "FAVORITE," WHOM THEY WILL DEFEND AT ALL COSTS AGAINST ANY WHO WOULD DEMEAN THEM IN ANY WAY, SOMETIMES EVEN IF CANON BACKS UP THESE ACCUSATIONS.

[katakokk.livejournal.com]

OH, LASS. ILU. <333

ESPECIALLY BOLD FANGIRLS WILL NOT BOTHER TO MASQUERADE AS SIMPLE STUDENTS OR PROFESSIONALS. THEY CONGREGRATE IN PLACES KNOWN AS "CONS," OR CONVENTIONS. THIS CONGREGRATING IS OFTEN FOLLOWED BY HAND-FLAPPING AND/OR HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING OF AT LEAST 100 DECIBELS.

[twoskeletons.livejournal.com]

WITH ENOUGH NUMBER, LARGE HORDES OF FANGIRLS CAN RENDER THE DECIBEL OBSOLETE.