all my keysmash are belong to you

So apparently there is a hockey exchange going on! And I am signing up. Filling in my likes like "decisions you don't regret that make you sad anyway" aw yeeeeeeaaa, bring it.

A CERTAIN SOMEBODY has me tumbling down an Alexander Ovechkin/Evgeni Malkin spiral. VERY DRAMATIC. Very FEELSFUL. Also I just read this old article on Malkin and it's SO. MUCH. It starts out like some gritty noir novel because what on earth, his escape from his old team is like he's trying to escape Cuba to play baseball, and then there's stuff like this:

On Twitter, which Malkin joined at the start of the season, he responded to an earth-shattering nutritional discovery by asking for verification from his 79,000 followers: “Just read that tomato = fruit? True???”

oh nO.

I caught an episode of "In the Room" on the NHL network and woah, the cinematography is tight?? The music alone. Step up your game, "Behind the B".

Where is all the Geno/Ovi fic? Where is it all?

The prompt on fan-flashworks@LJ is 'burn' and maybe that's a good thing for someone who is suddenly seized by a deep desire for Seguin/Marchand fic because there's a Stars-Bruins game next week hahahahahahdjkshafsjklfjsd

( google image search, what even )

I. waNT IT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I wrote a flashfic thing.

( Krug/Marchand, post-game sex, rated R | that feeling never really goes away )

I'm, uh, handwaving the wife situation. AU?

In related news, I was looking for video of the Krug/Marchand scuffle, but I found something more glorious. Here is Torey Krug playing softball and pretending to be Brad Marchand. Yes, both at once! Look at this multitasking sunuva gun.



YOU LITTLE SHIT. These little shits. I wonder if Krug and Marchand have always been insecure about their heights, or if it's the byproduct of being on the same team as Zdeno Chara.

( Getting kicked in the teeth for a wild card spot is no way to be. )

lol, idk, sometimes my post-game analysis is just fic that goes nowhere. Say if this is a 'verse or a timeline, then next time I can write about the blowjobs that I think this ficlet meant to get to. EXPRESS YOURSELF. Try it, NESN. Spice up your overtime!

Speaking of which, the internet has discovered Rob Gronkwski erotica on Amazon. It is called A Gronking to Remember, and it gives me hope. If someone can publish "do to me what Gronk does to a football" and make money off of it, then there is hope for me. Plus, a part of me kinda hopes that Gronk wrote (dictated?) this as an elaborate prank and is giggling to himself as Boston sports internet goes belly-up.

Unrelatedly, do you guys read Lackadaisy? Because I am in a glass case of emotion re: Viktor and Mordecai and I must scream.

I was not looking forward to tonight's game because wow, but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise. Also, today I went on the Harpoon Brewery tour with my brother, and if you guys are ever in Boston, I'd recommend stopping by. Cute tour, good booze.


Unrelatedly, ( hockey RPF ideas )

You know how I was mentioning in the fic round-up post that I have ideas for continuing the Webster/Vazquez fic? WELL. PERFECT OPPORTUNITY. LOOK WHO JUST GOT TRADED TO ARIZONA.

It's Webster. Webster got traded, along with Rubby, who is one of Vazquez's best friends on the team so that's a one-two punch. WEBSTER IS SO FRAGILE TOO, inspiring actual Boston Globe reporters to start articles with "I've probably watched more DVR'd episodes of "Naked and Afraid" over the last week or so than I have live Red Sox games. Yes, that's a real show, not a euphemism for Allen Webster's comportment on the pitching mound." Presumably fanon!Webster's head is all in a whirl and he put his phone on silent as soon as it starts beeping with messages, even though he knows one of those messages is gonna be from Vazquez, but he can't, he can't deal with that right now. Vazquez down in San Juan playing winterball was just focused on HOW SHITTY THE SENADORES ARE DOING, and then this. Perfect. Perfect! They're not even gonna be in the same league now. Webster downs a few whiskeys then skypes Vazquez, and it's all downhill from there.

Stuff like that.

In hockey news, I want to do this 12 Days of Hockey Challenge. There's something involving Malcolm Subban I gotta get down, something else about Brad/Reilly, so this is a good opportunity for that, probably. Hmmmmm...

Another gratuitous icon post! I have a hockey icon now, yay.

All the language stuff from the last post got me thinking also about that fatigue that comes when you have to communicate all day in a language you're not fluent in. There were some days this got really stressful for me when I was working in Indonesia, and at its worst, I felt like I was losing my personality because I simply did not know how to express it. (lol, extra stress because people expected me to speak the language well because I am an actualfax Indonesian, but that is neither here nor there.) (I am an Outdonesian.) (...I'm sorry.)

ANYWAY, Pastrnak was quoted recently as saying he reckons his English is getting worse. My brain was like FIC PROMPT, because idk, because Pastrnak apparently grew up idolizing David Krejci, so on top of being drawn to Krejci for starry-eyed feelings, he's also drawn because he's hungry for speaking freely and being understood. And Krejci is intrigued~ lol idk because Las isn't in a sports fandom until she starts doodling stuff about veterans wanting to get their grubby mitts on rookie tush. Throw in a scene where Chara pulls Krejci aside all like, "uh dude water u doin..."

( and then )

Gratuitous icon post! Holy hell, it has been ten centuries since I typed that specific sequence of words. Anyway, left to right, that's Rubby de la Rosa and Christian Vazquez, who are only wee babies, and Vazquez is the babbiest of them all. At first it wasn't clear to me whether everyone fell in drastic love with Vazquez because of his skills and disposition, or just because he's not Pierzynski. As it turns out, it's both. The reasons are synonymous. Vazquez gets on base, he guns down would-be base-stealers, he picks off guys on first, AND HE IS LIKE. SO HANDSY. Encouraging pats and hugs everywhere! For everyone!

Seriously, for everyone. I've seen him pat the butts of guys on the opposing team, like "hey man keep up the good work" like peace on earth, dudes. BABE. He doesn't let his lack of command of the English language prevent him from being a communicative, supportive guy. He reaches out, always. He'll go up to the mound no matter who it is, rookie or veteran, and pull him in close and speak his mind, talk the guy down, herd some cats, another pat on the butt. You can do it.

Look in the mirror. Look into your soul. Are you being the person Christian Vazquez believes you can be?

Clay Buchholz, who has been a complete wreck all season, was quick to fall in love. Here's a catcher who can save him from himself. Buchholz is years away from that no-hitter against Baltimore, and on the mound he always looks vaguely shut down the way people do when they know they've fucked up but have nowhere else to go. What Buchholz needs now is - well, a lot of things, but let's focus on actionable plans. He needs strikes. Vazquez will steal strikes for him. Everyone talks about Vazquez's soft hands, and their strength, how he keeps low to the ground. He trained with the Molina brothers back in Puerto Rico and now his name is up in lights. Suddenly, the boundaries of the strike zone are established not by home plate, but by sleight of hand. The opposing team was pummeled into submission, and yes, fine, it was just the Astros, but for a deteriorating team and a pitcher in the midst of accelerated decay, it was the kind of morale boost we needed in a season that has given us so little to cheer for. Buchholz was effusive in his praise for Christian Vazquez, and the beat writers wrote it all down.

And as for the rest of the rotation, hell. First of all, what rotation? Ahahahaha. But secondly, yeah, I mean there's a reason why we've been calling the team the Boston Paw Sox all season. The Red Sox is, like, half rookies? It's a revolving door between Boston and the Pawtucket Red Sox. It's a rebuilding year. It's throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. It's a lot of excuses. BUT THE POINT IS Rubby de la Rosa, Allen Webster, Anthony Ranaudo, and I guess half the bullpen, they all came up with Vazquez. They already know they can trust him. And in this way, Christian Vazquez came to hold the Red Sox pitching staff in the palm of his hand.

DON'T GET TRADED, BOO.